PLEASE HELP!! clingy and constantly breastfeeding

[CKMUM]

I am tandem feeding an 11 month old and a 2 year old. I was happy to carry on feeding 2 yo for some time yet but the last two or three days she is wanting it all the time. She is really clingy at the moment so don't know if it's related to that or not. She follows me everywhere, holding on to my leg, keeps lifting my top to breastfeed, wherever we are, feeds 8 times at night, can't get anything done during the day, screams like a banshee every time I don't let her feed. Any ideas on how to gently start weaning her

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How exhausting for you. Sorry, but I think to try to wean her now, when she is obviously so needy, would be the worst possible time for her, and I think you would meet with a LOT of resistance and misery. Even if you manage to wean her off the breast, her desperate need for you is not going to go away until she feels more settled. I would think it is a difficult stage for her at the moment with your younger child getting very mobile and interfering with all her games, taking a lot of your attention etc. I would go with trying to give her as much milk and attention as you can stand for a few days and hope that this needy period passes quickly. Can you call in some extra help in the mean time? Your mum, or somebody local who could maybe take your 2 year old out for a treat, or play with your baby while you do something with your daughter. Or just help with the housework a bit!

I do sympathise but I think to try to cut down now would be very difficult for both of you. Hope this helps.

They do all go through clingy stages, whether they're BF or not. I stopped BF my DS1 at 18 months, and he went through clingy stages after that, as they all do.

I'd think now would not be the time to start weaning her. If BF her in public is starting to bug you, you could try to only feed her in specific places ... not sure how that works with tandem feeding, though.

I don't want to wean her off completely but wnat to feed less often. Her sister is ill with bronchiolitis (again) and she has never gone long between breastfeeds, she hasn't been on solids long and won't take a bottle or cup. I often have one on each side and find it awkward.

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I am struggling to follow the logic of this one.

"My daughter seems to desprately need me at the moment"

"Ok, so go away for the weekend."

Is it just me? [bewildered]

CKMUM, given that your youngest is 11 months, would you be comfortable stopping bf in public for both of them? I got tired of bf in public at around a year with DS2, and took to only feeding him at home, in my room or his. This took some firmness, but after a few days, he accepted this. This would mean you wouldn't have anyone pulling your top up, and you would get longer breaks between feeds.

ckmum, you must be so tired. Is your daughter old enough to be told she does not have breastfeeds at night? I think you should not let yourself be 'used up' to this degree - feeding 8 times a night is not necessary for your 2 year olds physiological or emotional development, but a night's sleep is essential for your ability to cope in the day. I personally think she is old enough to be told that she can have a feed at getting up time and at bedtime (or whenever you feel you want to set the times) but NOT inbetween. Then you are not weaning her in a hurry but are setting some limits. She would then be clearer about when she will get it - at the moment it must feel to her that sometimes she lifts your top and gets fed, other times she gets refused, and she has no idea when or why this happens, so it's obviously resulting in upset for you both!

I honestly think you might be surprised about how well she takes to a new routine. If you really mean it and don't back down I'm sure this will help.

CKMUM - sounds as though you are going to have to be cruel to be kind. Watching the extended breast feeding programme on channel 4 a few nights ago, I was amazed at how the mum demand feeding 2 year old twins just fed them repeatedly day and night when they asked for it. She was exhausted and her other 2 children felt the lack of attention. She told them that she was going to stop feeding them and at the last feed she reiterated that was it. She went 'cold turkey' and just stopped feeding them at all. I thought that was a bit cruel because the twins were sobbing asking for 'mummy milk'. However, she rode out the storm, gave them lots of cuddles but refused to feed them. Her DH was there to help too. The twins were also bought new special mugs. After 2 days and nights of tantrums they got the message and accepted breast feeding had stopped. The mum felt that to give them some feeds would be confusing for them, and that it was better to stop completely.

I personally would have cut out day time feeds and had a feed first thing in the morning and at bedtime, but with none inbetween. However, that may have been harder right enough.

Your difficulty would be the 2 year old seeing the younger baby be fed.

I think you just have to be really firm and definitely not feed your 2 year old during the night. Do you have a DH or DP to help?

No, well sort of, have you seen my other threads. I moved to get away from him because he was horrible, then he found out where I was and he is following me everywhere again but i am trying to find somewhere in somerset not only will it be further away from him but will have support from family as i have nobody here

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CKMUM - sorry I haven't seen your other threads. Perhaps this clinginess is a result of what is going on? Ytr other means of comfort than the breast. Once you move nearer family you will have the help you need to resolve it. I personally would try and stop all these night feeds. However I think you need help to do it. Give cuddles and reassurance, but not the breast.

I have been a member of mumsnet but havn't posted in soooooooo long so i hope no one minds?? Md dd is 15 months and wants to feed all the time. i know i fed her on demand when she was born and from then on but now she has so many teeth and just wants to feed all night.For a while it was every 2 hrs then i tried the controlled crying thing. dont know who was harder to control her or me! but after a few nights she went down as soon as i fed her and was over for around 4 hours(she goes to bed around 8pm) the always after midnight you could nearly set you alarm by her! she would wake and from then to 6 am it was all the time. I finally got het more setled that when i went in i just patted her back and after a few nights of this she seemed to get the idea but would still wake up, even though she knew i wasnt lifting her! The real problem i am having is that she seems to get one cold after the other, so then does not eat much if anything during the day,(she eats very little anyway, proably because of all the feeds?) so i end up again giving her more feeds during the night as i convince my self she must be starving! at the mo she has this bug that is going around so she is very unsettled and clingy which is natural i know. When she is over this should i jsut go back to patting her when she wakes and jsut giving bed time feed andmorning feed? she nibbles a lot during the day on my boob too as she seems to liket he comfort. i am not back at work at the min as i was nursing my mum-in-law who wasterminally ill and sadly died last week, and then my mum has taken two strokes, but thank God seems to be pulling through. so it never seems like a good time to start a new way with my dd. My eldest dd is nearly 14 and is severly learning disabled and has emotional and behavioural difficulties. thats a whole other kettle of fish (talk about feeling like a loser mum sometimes. i just feel such a failure that ive let her down.....) anyway sorry to ramble on i gues i just needed to talk to someone. thanks for listening and any advice on the feeding would be great.