Really struggling to BF, don't want to give up.

[helgaw99]

Hi everyone,
My gorgeous son is 8 days old, we are really struggling to feed. My milk has not really come in, changed from colostrum, but never got engorged and boobs always feel empty. DS is feeding for hours at a time and then sleeping for very short periods and starting again.

Latch was really bad to begin with, tore my nipples up and was very painful. Better now after we saw NCT BF support, but supply hasn't really sped up and I am still spending all time feeding. We were topping up with expressed BM and some formula when he really wasn't getting any milk from me, have cut it right back to one top up before bed and I pump at the same time.

Anyone got any advice, will my milk ever speed up, does the constant feeding and pumping mean I am always empty?

He also is never satisfied, feeds for two hours and screams, only my DH can settle him at all for 30 mins before whole cycle starts again, he won't settle on me, just roots for food.

Any advice massively appreciated, I am doing everything I can not to reach for more formula but I hate to see him so distressed and tired when he doesn't get what he needs from me.

No one told me having a newborn would be this tough!

Thanks

I want to cry just thinking about how much it's stressing me

Oh helgaw you must be tired and stressed. It can be exhausting in those early days.

I don't know how much you know (or want to know!) about breastfeeding, but you'll make milk to replace whatever is removed, so feeding the baby regularly and for long periods will help you to build a good supply. I found it helpful to think of that when feeding again - every feed helps baby, and every feed helps your supply.

Some mothers don't ever feel full and engorged. A better measure of your milk supply and whether baby is managing to get it out of your boobs is the number of wet nappies each day and the amount of weight gained. Is your midwife happy with those things?

I understand the shock you're feeling about life with a newborn. They want to be held all the time and to feed all the time as they don't want to be put down! I guess being outside instead of inside is an enormous shock, and you're the one they trust most to make it all ok. Baby knows your smell, your taste, your sounds the best. You are the source of comfort as well as food

As long as your midwife/HV is happy with baby's process, my advice would be to settle in a comfy bed or sofa, with soft blankets and the heating on if you need it, and snuggle with your baby Someone else can do the cooking/cleaning/make the tea - your most important job right now is holding your sleeping/feeding baby and falling in love It is exhausting work, but it will get easier.

Good luck for the next few days. This board has lots of support, whether just moral support if baby and you are fundamentally ok, or technical suggestions if you run in to medical difficulties. Keep feeding and keep posting

This is the really difficult part...and it stays quite difficult for about 3 months. That's the bad news. After that your nipples recover, your supply is better and you get more into a routine. (My 1st DD fed & cried constantly at first)
I found Kamillosan nipple cream the best and as happyasasandboy says, feed as often as you can to build supply. They reckon cabbage leaves in the bra help though I didn't try it!
Most people who give up BF do so around this time and as someone who doesn't consider herself to be a gooey Mumsy type, I really wish more women were helped to persevere. Three months of exhaustion gave way to the most intimate and rewarding experience for me. I BF'd both mine, one for 10..5 months and one for 7.5 months and they are such happy memories.

All the best.

I found BF so hard to begin with. It's the most exhausting thing, & no-one else can do it other than you. I could not believe it when my baby would need another feed after 90 minutes. I was feeding for 40-50 minutes, then winding for 20 mi tues, & before you know it, you need to do it all over again.
I joined a BF support group & it was the best thing I ever did. I still go now. I've just stopped BF after 9 & a half months.
I found feeding lying down was great because I could relax, however I found this a bit hard when baby was tiny as I thought my boob was going to smoother her
It is the most rewarding thing you can do, but talk to the professionals about help/groups to get you through these tough few months. It does get better I promise

HI. I'm afraid I don't have anything particularly helpful to say except I know exactly how you are feeling. My ds is 12 wks now and for those first few weeks I just completely felt like I didn't know what had hit me. He was born at 11lbs and I got a lot of absolutely appalling advice from the midwives telling me I wouldn't be able to keep him satisfied by bf alone. I had a emergency section and then got poorly afterwards and i felt exactly like you do-absolutely panic stricken that my milk hadn't come in properly and I wasn't producing enough.He was at the breast almost constantly and it was so hard to get him to get any sleep at all. All I can say is it does get better!!! I know it doesn't really feel like it ever will for you at the moment,but I promise you it will. Like someone said above,this is just the hard bit and if you stick with it,you'll look back in just a few weeks time and think,yeh,that was unbelievably hard work,but I'm so glad I did it. I'm sure someone has probably already mentioned this to you,but the website kellymom.com is absolutely fab for help on anything to do with bf.Just google 'kellymom boosting supply' or something like that if you think you really need tips for that-I tried things like taking LOADS of fenugreek and breast compressions,although I don't think I ever genuinely needed to-I just needed to gain the confidence that my body was doing exactly what it should do and the knowledge that 99.99% of women do produce enough milk and you are not that 0.01% that doesn't (even if you might be convinced that you are now-you are not!). All that constant suckling is boosting your supply to be exactly what it needs to be and it will soon lessen. You really can do this,just believe in yourself!

What has the mw said helgaw? Are they happy that he is getting enough milk from you, or that milk is being transferred properly to him?

What is his weight situation? and nappies? - are you getting about 5-6 wet disposables a day and 3 poos?

Has any one checked your baby for tongue tie as this can cause really shredded nipples and the type of feeding pattern that you are describing.

It may not be that of course, but definitely see if you can get someone to check that knows what they are looking for.

Have you tried switch feeding? That is offering one breast, then the other when they seem to have had enough, then back and forth, three, four or fives times.

I think others have mentioned breast compressions, and skin to skin.

Lastly, don't forget that whilst this is a tough, tough stage and probably will be hard until your supply catches up, it will not always be this hard. Really.

Hi everyone

Thanks for the replies

Nappy wise he is pooing all the time, not huge amounts, but quite yellowish. He is also weeing a lot. He does fart for Britain, is this normal?

He sticks his tongue out a lot which means he can't be tongue tied doesn't it?

He only lost 4% of birth weight, but I think that was slightly screwed by the topping up.

Argh- its so hard!

From the details you've posted, it sounds like things are getting off to a great start, though perhaps it is more labour intensive than you realised it would be (most people felt the same )

I used to wonder if I was sleeping in an army baracks because of all the farting

Nappies sound great, it wouldn't be coming out of the bottom end if it wasn't going in the top end . Farting is normal too.

Thanks everyone, supply seems to have picked up a bit, so feeling a bit better today, though have been feeding since 7 am with some very quick naps!

What will I do when DH goes back to work, only he can settle him, how will DS sleep in the day with only me?

Things change on a day to day basis at this early stage so don't worry too much about who settles DS right now. My 18 w/o DD would only settle for DH for a bit and now it's the other way round!

we had exactly the same thing about settling!
when DD went to dh she would go straight off to sleep and sleep for an hour at a time!
i got so annoyed and frustrated because i wanted all those cuddly sleeps too.
but in the end, i realised that my job was providing the food.
i spent a good couple of weeks getting really upset about the fact i couldn't settle her, but once i gave into the fact that she wanted food from me (i think they can smell the milk when they're cuddling to you, and they want it because they know it's there!), i accepted that when i cuddled her, i would feed her, and she would then nap for a while.

it was really hard at night, because she started off in a cot by me, but i decided to bite the bullet and have her in bed with me - we learned side sleeping (which took a lot of practice!) - feeding lying down, so we could both get some sleep (i would doze while she ate, then she would drop off, and i would wake when she needed to latch again)

it's the only thing that's ensured i've got sleep :)
we're still doing it at 15 weeks, and i'm fully functioning as a human being.

my recommendation for daytime is, change her, grab all the food and drink you need (snacks, bread and cheese so you can make sandwiches, get dh to make some food before he goes to work etc), the remote control, and just sit down with her, blanket-covered, to feed. that's all you need to do. (you might need to wee every hour or so, but that's a good break for you too)
:)