So bloody hard. Am I doing something wrong?

[bushymcbush]

I had real issues with establishing bf my first dd 3.5 years ago, mainly with discomfort and bad latch. I eventually got these sorted and ended up loving bf, continuing well into toddlerhood - until just a few months ago in fact. But those first few weeks were so very very hard and miserable.

Now I have a 2 week old dd2. She was born early and is very small, so for the first few days I just expressed and she was fed through NG tube. All was fine but now I have taken over bfing her full time, my nipples are tender, one of my breasts keeps getting sore, dd2 hasn't yet got the hang of it all and has such a tiny mouth it can take ages to latch on properly, she falls asleep after 5 mins on the breast then wakes up screaming for more so I never get any sleep, etc . Etc, etc.

Is it really going to be this hard again? With dd1 I wasn't truly happy with bf until she was 3 months. I'm struggling to imagine myself battling through those 3 months of hell again.

What could I do differently? (apart from ff - not going to happen)

:( :( bushy

What help have you had so far?

How early is your dd?

Is she still in scbu?

Tiktok

What help have you had so far?

Only the advice of the neonatal nurses on SCBU, most of whom say I'm doing everything by the book.

How early is your dd?

She was born at 35 weeks with IUGR, weighing 3lb 4oz.

Is she still in scbu?

She was discharged yesterday on the proviso that she is weighed daily to ensure she is putting on enough weight. So I feel massive pressure to give her long frequent feeds, but she just feeds for 5 mins then falls asleep. Only put on 5g since yesterday.

I am honestly slighty...ahem, embarrassed to appear after tiktok on this thread as her experience is far wider than mine, much, much more objective and evidence based . So DO listen to her.
My tuppence worth is likely to be entirely subjective. And emotional. And I've had . Or possibly .

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time.
I've always found BFing hard and only every liked it after the 3-4 month mark. My best advice is to 'just do the next feed' and then reconsider. This took me to well over a year with DS3 and 4.

My DS2 was premature, born by CS at 31+ weeks. He was tube-fed initially and I expressed for him for the first 5 months as I found him too small and too fiddely to latch on. In the end I mix fed him.

If you have managed to get your DD latched on - well done !
I'd suggest offering a breast every time she opens her beak, even if she does fall asleep quickly.
Look at Dr Jack Newman's breast expressions - I'll try and find a link. That helped quite a bit with sleepy DS3.
I am not aware of any evidence that weighing daily is of any value and I'd stop doing that. Look for wet and dirty nappies and weigh her no more than weekly if you must.

The pressure of being solely responsible for your child's survival is just awful and I really feel for you. I hope you'll find it easier soon.

And congratulations on her arrival !!

Breast compressions

Hi my dd was in scbu for the first week and very sleepy, she would only feed for 5 mins and then sleep so the same really. My advice is keep going, find some real life support in a bfing support group or similiar and try not to panic about only feeding for 5mins. The nurses explained to me about how hard work it is for small babies to bf and 5 mins is actually quite a long time for them.

Also don't put yourself under the pressure of feeling like if you had to give her a ff that this means you have failed in someway.

Goodluck and congrats by the way

Some good suggestions already, bushy.

It's not at all surprising your 37-weeker is still learning about breastfeeding. Take a look at http:/www.kangaroomothercare.com about the benefits of skin to skin at all times if you can, with a small, vulnerable baby - this really helps with bf.

I'm less surprised than Pacific that they are weighing daily - it's too frequent for a term baby, for sure, but not for a baby who is still small and for whom every ounce counts. They are wanting to make sure she is stable and that her weight does not drop - fair enough.

Long feeds are not gonna happen - the focus is on frequency, which i) ensures you make sufficient milk and ii) enables her to get overall a greater volume.

Little babies don't/can't actively feed for long, but they can be on or close to the breast, snoozing, in between times.

There may be a specialist feeding adviser connected with the SCBU - can you speak to them?

Good luck with all this :)

See, told you, tiktok would be less emotive than me .

How is it going today, bushy? I hope you had some sleep last night...

:) pacific - nothing wrong with being emotional :)

Thanks for all the replies and great advice.

I think the main reason I'm so stressed is the pressure to have her put on weight every single day. So if she's having a particularly sleepy day, I can't just put my feet up and try to relax or catch up on some sleep myself, I feel I have to keep waking her and feed feed feed.

She is kind of getting the hang of it compared to a week ago but she still tends to grasp my nipple in her little hand (ouch!) whilst turning her head the wrong way, or just not open her mouth enough so we get a bad and painful latch.

I know it will get better.

bushy it's hard.....you're right, you can't relax when she is having a particularly sleepy day. A particularly sleepy day ie not-feeding-much day for a prem 3 and a half pounder is not a good day :( But you're also right that it will get better :)