Toddler troubles with breastfeeding

[sparkout]

My DD who is 28 months is in a phase of really testing the boundaries at the mo with everything, so much so that I have given up taking her into shops as she screams, sits on floor and will not move. The last 2 nights when I have given her her evening feed she has refused to unlatch. I give her a bit of a warning that the feed is almost finished, then ask her to come off and that has worked fine since she was 1 ish but these past few nights she has just given me her steely stare and stayed latched on. I threatened her with her dad settling her to sleep if she didn't come off, and she still didn't so DH came in and managed to take her off last night and get her to sleep which she wasn't happy about. Tonight I warned her what would happen if she didn't come off but as predicted as she is doing literally nothing she is asked/told at mo she wouldn't come off, even DH couldn't get her off so I tried to unlatch her with my finger so she gripped tighter and it hurt like hell.

Any advice, I don't want to wean her and I can't get her to do anything I ask in the day without a lengthy strop/naughty step/calm down cuddle procedure so can't really see a solution. I thought DS had tantrums but flipping heck he was nothing on her!!

I can't really remember what 28 months old was like! I have one older and one 2 yo. So at the moment I can't offer advice as such, but it does sound like it's not a bf problem, as she's having these tantrums outside of breastfeeding contexts.

Its not really but I can't have her biting my nipple off and I'm imagining the tantrum thing will be a phase we have to ride out over the next few months whereas my boobs won't last that long

If she won't unlatch try pulling her into your breast so it covers her nose - she should open her mouth to breathe immediately - if she doesn't open her mouth immediately let go don't keep holding her in (it's only meant to be a momentary thing to trigger her mouth to open not a waterboarding type way teaching her not to do it!)

Can I ask why the feed is ended by you not her? Are you pg or experiencing nursing aversions? She may be upset that she isn't allowed to decide when she is full/comforted enough/sleepy enough and that it is just one more thing that she has no power over.

They get so fixated on things going their way (the only possible/permitted way of course) that they can get really hung up on some things - in a few days it might be her only wearing green socks or having to have the yellow plastic spoon for breakfast (but not that yellow plastic spoon the other identical one) or only her being allowed to sit on a particular seat on the sofa.

You could try asking her if she needs more 'milkies' (or what ever her name for bfing is) and seeing if that helps - sometimes their need for milkies far outstrips their ability to articulate just how much they need it. I know my 3 wouldn't have been able to verbalise why they needed to have 'bah' but they still did all the same (though they could cope with out it if needed).

Can you tell I have a 29m old?

TruthSweet she does sound like your LO, I didn't have anything like this with DS so am totally unprepared for this seemingly illogical fixation on being right to the extent of loosing what you want. She doesn't fall asleep on the boob and never has really except in newborn days, she has always chosen to roll off to her own space.

I'm afraid I end the feeds because otherwise she would comfort suck for hours. I know that makes me sound like a rubbish mum but I have 2 very touchy feely full on DCs and I get to feeling quite claustrophobic and want my space after a while. I find I am almost grinding my teeth thinking about the sofa/washing up calling me from downstairs and just want them asleep by the time bedtime comes (I Home Ed so am with them both all day everyday). I could try letting her feed for as long as she wants for a few days so she hopefully forgets this biting thing. Tantrums and screaming/kicking toddlers are soo draining though!

I am ending feeds early at the moment (I am 14w pg and a wee bit sensitive) but luckily for me she is okay with an 'all done now bah' (bah being the family word for bfing) and pops off (she does have to have both sides but she learnt that little trick off DD2 who is 4.3y and only bfing once a week or so -in fact she may well have weaned - who knows!).

Have you tried the 'bf while I read you this story' ploy (distraction for you and she can't argue with the end of a book particularly if it is a familiar one) or the 'we will bf while/until XX happens' that might be while a TV programme is on, DS gets his pjs on and teeth brushed, daddy comes home, the alarm clock rings (set a timer), a CD plays or what ever you can cope come up with

When my DS was about that age he went through a similar phase (as did I with the frustration of feeding etc). I'd been 'counting down' 10-0 or 20-0 when I'd had enough for a while... but suddenly when I got to 0 he'd shake his head and carry on feeding. I'd ask if he wanted more and he'd give a little nod, so I'd give him a few more mins, then count again and he'd come off. After a few weeks he calmed down again and stopped on request.

I think they are just growing up so fast and being so independent... then suddenly they want to be babies again.

We actually weaned when DS was about 3.5 - by then he was ready to with a tiny bit of encouragement.