exhaustion from all the bf demands and pressure to ff

[mamasmissionimpossible]

I'm currently ebf my ds who is nearly 4 weeks old. He was a fairly large baby 8lbs 13. He seems to feed all the time. I am finding it hard, especially as I have 2 older dc of 4 and 6 years and feel I am not looking after them properly. Dinner time is a nightmare, with them all shouting for food.

I have had several unhelpful people saying I should give him a bottle, but I know this will effect supply. I need all their support to carry on bf, as it feels like a massive commitment, right now. I'm exhausted from the constant demand

Any ideas how to make my life easier with a bf newborn, and 2 dc?

Those 'helpful' people should be cooking dinner.

I understand, ds is now 6 mths and dd has just turned 4 and dh is not normally home till just before or after bedtime.

If you really can't get any help then it's time to think smarter not harder, do they need a hot meal? If so slow cooker/something in tge oven is best as you can chuck it in when ds can be put down and will only take 5 mins. If a cold tea will do then again get it ready earlier so you can just take it out of tge fridge.

Oh and Internet shop!

Congratulations on the birth of your DS and a huge pat on the back for EBF your son to this point, especially with 2 older DC to look after. You're doing a grand job and my hat is off to you as I just have my DD and that's hard enough.

My DD was half an ounce lighter than your ds and it felt like she fed all the time at that age (and now as well actually when she's awake!). I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom but if these people have to gaul to offer unsolicited advice I'd have the gaul to ask them to make some dinners for your freezer or come and help you out in other ways.
My DH's family are more pro formula, MIL and SIL both did it as did GMIL after her milk dried up after a month and I told DH that even if BF was going terribly for me, I'd lie and say it was great because I knew that hearing "just give her a bottle" would not be helpful when you're so tired and finding it hard anyway.
Hopefully someone else who has gone through a similar experience will be along soon to offer some pearls of wisdom but again, well done, it may not feel like you're doing a great job but I (for what it's worth) think you are!

Dinner cooking suggestion - main meal at lunchtime, prepare sandwiches/chop peppers, cucumber etc. to have at tea time at the same time. Buy prepared stuff as much as possible, most frozen stuff doesn't have much preservatives in.
Definitely internet grocery shopping.

Get a sling, seriously wish I'd gotten into carrying DD earlier.
One like this probably best to go for, gives you hands free, not too complicated and very comfy.

And just remember, if you gave him a bottle you'd have the extra washing, sterilizing, bottle prepping to do on top of everything else.

Thanks for your support. I know i'm doing the right thing 'sticking to my guns' about bf. The unhelpful ff comments come from those who weren't able to bf, so I don't feel they understand. Even though i have tried to explain about bf supply and demand.

I have been trying to cook meals whilst the dc's are at school, when my will let me put him down for a few seconds As long as i get the food groups covered hot or cold, it will have to do. The housework will have to wait.

It is a shame they are being so unsupportive - and I don't understand how they think a bottle will help - then you have to do all the boiling and sterilising on top of everything else?!

How about getting a sling you can BF in? Takes a little practice, but can be a lifesaver as you have all four limbs free. Wrap slings and ring slings are supposed to be good. If there is a Sling Meet near you, you can go and try out different slings and get advice.

Another tip is to offer your DS an extra breastfeed at convenient times (e.g. when older kids are watching TV), even if he isn't actually asking for one just then. So long as you don't insist, 4 week olds are often pretty amenable to this. It could buy you some extra time for when you need it!

Good luck, and hang on in there - these first few weeks are so tough, but they pass quickly.

The early days are not easy even when you do have the support. It sounds as though you could do with some more! Is there a local LLL group that you can get to? They do an info sheet called 'supporting a breastfeeding mother' that you could share with your family, it's full of ideas of how your family can help out. There are also lots of articles on the website here.

Some mothers find it helpful to come up with a list of jobs that need doing. One thing you could try is that every time someone mentions FF you could give them the list and say "I'm so glad you want to help, here's a list of stuff that needs doing."

Well they can defo help with the housework

I second the sling idea! I know how ypu feel regarding the ff comments. All DP's family ff and thought I was mad to bf. They kept buying me bottles which just got put away
Anyway you are doing an amazing job! Cant you ask your DH to have a word with everyone to ask if they can support you in other ways? Could they not come down and make the dinner for you? Or help make it? Keep the other kids occupied for a while? Sorry I could be much help. Also maybe express some milk in a few
Weeks time?

Sorry bout all the mistakes I'm on my phone and feeding!

Fennel tea will boost your supply and perrpermint tea will soothe his tummy. I don't think a few oven fish and chip meals would hurt either, only peas on the hob.

Are you burping him properly??

Believe me, if EBF is going well and you're managing to keep up with your DS's hunger then 'just giving him a bottle' would only make things worse - mixed feeding is the worst of both worlds, in my experience. I cracked on the FF thing early on because I was really, really struggling with bf-ing, bad latch, constantly hungry DS, no sleep and exhaustion but then with FF it meant I had to prepare bottles as well as breastfeed so had more to do than ever. At one point, I was expressing, breastfeeding, and FF-ing altogether and it was relentless. If EBF had worked from the start, as it did for friends of mine, I would have been much happier. The only upside was that my DH could share feeding duties so I could get some sleep.

Nearly four weeks is a killer. My baby is 7 weeks old and things have definitely got better in the last three weeks. Baby is feeding a little quicker, plus I have a bit more experience in bedtimes. What I do is wake baby for a feed at 1530 and feed her for one hour (the usual time she took at 4 weeks, this is gradually reducing). Then I pop her in an upright sling (wilkinet), which takes care of the burping. Then i dash through the nursery pick up/ dinner/ bedtime routine with DD1 (4). As nursery Is quite far away I feed at the nursery. DD2 usually manages to sleep in the sling usually to 1830 or sometimes 1900, which means I am through the worst and usually at story time (so I can feed her again). Dinner is a pretty crap affair- beans or egg on toast, sandwich, pasta and sauce- whatever I can rustle up in ten minutes basically. I try to prepare it in the afternoon and have a snack ready for DD1 when I pick her up from nursery- this buys valuable time at home. I also ask any visitors to come 5-7, this means they might jiggle a baby or help in other ways.
IMHO the bf/ ff is a bit of a red herring. If your baby was ff, you would be trying to prep and administer a bottle at teatime, including the inevitable yowling while baby waits for bottle to cool. With bf, especially as you and baby get more proficient, you just whip up a At-shirt and get going. Plus, the £ you save on formula can go towards choc/ cleaner/ holiday- it's nearly a tenner a tub don't forget!!

ohanotherone- I can't quite figure out your post, are you saying the OP should give peppermint tea to a 4 week old? Babies under 6 months should only be given breastmilk (or formula) unless on the advice of a paediatrician. Or are you suggesting the OP drinks it? I'm not aware of any evidence that says that a mother drinking peppermint tea will help a windy baby, but there's no harm in trying.

There is also no evidence that drinking fruit juice causes all babies to have an upset stomach, it is not usual for a mother's diet to affect their baby in this way.

You are right that the OP is marvellous though

at all the lovely comments. It's keeping me going,

I do have a sling, a hug a bub, so like the one that was posted earlier. I am using it to get ds transported on the school run. Poor thing is carted around everywhere, because of the older dc. I hate that he is crying in his car seat, he won't take a dummy.

Is it possible to bf in these slings? I'm not sure how. Any ideas?

Had a very disturbed night, ds had wind and i couldn't get it up, despite all the rubbing and patting. I am shattered. However, my lovely mum is going to take the older dc to the park later, so i may nip back to bed for an hour

Does fruit juice really upset their tummies?

I will not crack and open the formula tin, I don't have any here, so no temptation.

It is exhausting, totally feel for you, I have been there. It does get better, sometimes you have to just trudge on through all the wails and shouts.

Have had 2 months of constant illness here (DCs and me, all taking turns), and feel like I am always cooking dinner amid a shouting, wailing, moaning household of misery. DS2 (2.7) wants to be sitting on my lap, baby wants me to hold her and DS1 (4.4) wants his food in front of him pronto, and I just can't keep them all happy! It seems to be improving now, am hoping that we have a healthy summer.

Of course you drinking fruit juice doesn't upset their tummies, what nonsense! Also, fennel tea and peppermint tea will do nothing for his tummy or your milk supply. I find that worrying about BF-related diet, pills and potions are rarely helpful when you are just trying to get through the day ..

I'm no sling ninja but reckon you can BF in any soft sling. With a wrap sling, baby lies vertically upright facing the boob - adjust the height so he can latch on. With a ring sling baby can lie upright or horizontally - bit more adjustment needed so both of you are comfortable. There is info here about BF in the Hugabug ring sling

ohanotherone - you're trying to be helpful, but fruit juice drunk by the mother does not give babies upset tummies, and peppermint and fennel tea won't make any difference, either.

Winding 'properly' is over-rated and is a purely cultural practice, too....won't do any harm but worrying about it and whether it's being done 'properly' is if not harmful, not helpful :)

have you a dp/dh?
please get him to sort out the kids in the evening so that you can concentrate on the baby.
you're doing really well so far. :)

also, i assume the others are at school? please get your dp to make their packed lunches in the evening, and put them in the fridge, so you don't have to worry about that either.
it might be worth making batches of food for their tea, so that you can just pull it out of the freezer and throw it in the oven/microwave when they come home.

Well, perhaps the research has not yet been done but I decided to try avoid fruit juice with my second and looked on kellymom for herbal milk boosters precisely because my first DS was very windy and fed constantly and it seemed to work and at the end of the day it certainly doesnt hurt. Besides, if some friends are suggesting formula which certainly does have risks it is certainly worth a try.

No one's flaming you, ohanotherone.

But your post purported to be sharing facts, and the points in it were anything but.

Just to say, those who suggested formula have probably found it helpful for themselves. I do mixed feeding and although there is the hassle of preparing bottles, my supply is constant and it does enable DH to do a lot. I know a few mothers who use bottles when they are tired and it hasn't affected their supply (I mean just once or twice a day).

However, I'm not suggested this is right for you - just wanted to add my opinion. It is wonderful to be able to EBF but not the end of the world if you can't (IMO). It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job!

Just to point out (sorry ohanotherone) but peppermint tea is an anti-galactogogue so possibly not the best of things for a BF mother to be drinking :) .

OP - I found it really tough at this stage, when DD was born DS1 was 3.2 and DS2 was 20 months and at 4 weeks DH had been back at work 2 weeks and it was all a bit difficult. Things I found that helped were:

Slings - DC3 was almost constantly in one
Housework - I just didn't do it if I couldn't, DH had to chip in as best he could
then he got back from work and we muddled through.
Cosleeping - I actually got some sleep rather than none.
Cooking - My family brought meals round and DH often cooked for us once he was home so I just had the DC to worry about.

We also had stairgates set up so they were relaively contained in the sitting room when I was sitting feeding DD. I also used to just take them all upstairs, shut the stairgate and have some 'rest time' which involved me laying in bed feeding DD and the DSs would either hop in too and maybe nap or run around creating havoc play nicely in their room.

Oh that's interesting, no the peppermint tea is to soothe the tummy. I'm confused now. Tiktok says herbals teas have no effect on breastfeeding but Wotmania says they do. Do they or don't they?? Either they do or don't.I know Tiktok you often say that diet has no effect on feeding but lots of mums think there is, clearly then it is possible that a placebo effect may be at play. Mums think there milk is going to increase, so they mentally percieve their milk to haved increased. Is this any different from a mum giving a bottle of formula and feeling like a burden has been lifted and then feel like their babies sleep better?

Well done on EBF so far.

I think with 4 and 6 year olds compromise is the key.

Yes to as much convenient quick food, frozen meals cooked when DCs are at school etc.

But also an acceptance that sometimes the new baby is going to have to sit in his car seat or lie on his play may being entertained by the older DCs while you fix their tea (6 is still a year or two too young to be very helpful) and if the baby decides to cry and fuss so be it.

Your older children will be far more helpful if they don't come last 100% of the time.