Omg - please someone help me I'm at my wits end!

[Gina1981]

It's just one problem after another! DD has a cold but can still breathe through her nose! I'm at my wits end as she's been up pretty much all night crying and is still so unsettled! She's not feeding and so far this morning have not had a wet nappy! DD latch is terrible and keeps choking and making all sorts of noises! I'm really worried about my supply and can't bare to think that I may have to give her formula! That would just make my supply drop! Everytime I put her to the breast she barely takes anything! Can my supply disappear overnight?? I'm so tired and physically exhausted! I just can't do this anymore. I live my life worrying about bf.

How old is your DD?

DD is 4 months old!

Firstly - calm down!! It sounds like your very tired and are panicing abit.
Secondly - how long has she had the cold and when did she start not feeding properly?
It sounds as though the cold is the problem - although she may still breathe through her nose if she is bunged up and then has to press her face into your boob, she is probably finding it harder to breath. Likewise with the short feeds, choking and breaking latch (or does she always have a poor latch?)
See if you can find a better position for her to feed in - more upright perhaps.
Keep offering her feeds - she will be taking some milk. She probaably just feels poorly, tired and hungry and just wants to be held.
When you do put her down for naps, try tilting the cot to keep her head raised - it may help her breathing.

Gina - you have had this issue before....your milk supply is fine, why wouldn't it be? You have had over supply in the past - your milk supply will not go and will easily withstand a baby with a cold who is finding sucking and swallowing difficult. If you think she is poorly then you'll need to speak to an HV/doc but your milk supply will be ok.

The key is in your last sentence. 'I live my life worrying about breastfeeding'.

Is there any way you can get help with that? It is dominating your mothering and it is making you stressed. This is at the heart of your concerns - your feelings about whether your bf is ok/good enough and while from what you say here it clearly is, you can't feel it.

Counselling? Debriefing? Nothing anyone says here is going to remove that serious and persistent worry, and you need real life, face to face, non-judgemental support from someone who realises this is not a 'breastfeeding problem' at all.

Hope you find what you need - if your HV is any good, she may know where you can get the right help.

I agree tiktok! I just worry all the time and it stems from my middle DD having reflux!

Regards to my supply, how robust is it at 4 months? DD isn't producing many wet nappies and if she is they are not very wet! This is why I'm worrying! I just don't want her to become dehydrated!

Your supply is robust - very robust - at 4 mths.

I don't know how often a 4 mth old wees, but your baby's behaviour and overall 'look' is more of a guide at this age to her well-being than how many nappies/how wet they are. Speaking mother to mother (I am not a doc) I would not be concerned about nappies at 4 mths unless I had 12-24 hours of dry ones, and if the baby looked lethargic and poorly.

Even if she is dehydrated this would not mean your supply would be disappearing.

Gina, seriously - you can't go on like this. There is nothing wrong with your breastfeeding - your concern should be directed elsewhere, at your own overall emotional well-being. The more you worry about your bf, the more you are diverting from this - you know this :) Ask your HV where you can get proper help and support.

Just to add - getting help will build up your resiliance to worries.

If she has a cold your breastmilk is the most amazing stuff she can have. Your body is making millions of antibodies and putting them into your breastmilk so every single drop is helping her fight the cold.

Have you tried saline spray for her cold - it works to clear blocked noses. Or get one of those sucky things from mothercare that suck out the snot.

Eat some cake, have a small glass of wine with your lunch, and settle down on the sofa for some quality skin-to-skin time.

Don't worry about DD getting cold with no clothes on, your body also will be working to regulate her temperature if you do skin-to-skin.

Ok so this morning I've started my period!! What does this mean? I thought if you EBF that you don't get a period!! I've also heard in the past that having a period can make baby fussy at the breast!!

I tried expressing yesterday and managed 5oz ( mainly from r breast)! Tried giving DD through a bottle but refused! She still isn't producing very wet nappies!! Her fontanelle is a little sunken, so when should I be worried?

Starting your period means nothing, Gina. It is very common to have a period while ebf - plenty of women find it starts about now (and some even earlier). You increase your chances of not having your period come back if your bf is very frequent - 10-12 or more times round the clock, inc at night. But even then, some women start just weeks after birth. Forget about it - it's not significant.

It's true that some babies seem to fuss more just before a period - I cant remember the reason for this, but IIRC it's something to do with the taste of the milk.

Diagnosing dehydration from a sunken fontanelle is really hard in babies, whose soft spot does not close up anyway. There are always other signs anyway - listlessness, lethargy, sunken eyes, dry mouth.

As ever, if you are worried about your baby's health, you need to speak to a doctor or HV.

Why bother expressing? I can't see the need for it and it's a hassle :)

What do you think of my suggestion to get help for your anxiety rather than your breastfeeding (which is ok!)?

My DD definitely fussed more before a period, mine came back when she was 8 months, some women don't get them at all when breastfeeding and some women get them back straight away.

I agree expressing is an extra hassle you don't need right now.

Hi tiktok thanks for replying! I have taken many of your suggestions on board e.g timing feeding etc! DD feeds when she wants to and how long she wants to!!

Despite having a baby or not I've always been someone that worries about everything and anything! It's in my nature!

Just as everything is going nicely and I resolve one issue, another presents itself! I'm always kept on my toes! Although having 3dc, dd3 is the 1st one I've managed to EBF!

Gina, it's great you are ebf with this baby :) :)

You have overcome your anxieties to do this, and you are right to be pleased about that.

But bf has become the focus of anxieties that would otherwise be elsewhere, I'm suggesting, ie if you were not bf you'd be anxious about not bf, and anxious about the ff. Is that the case?

You can get help with this, though. It's highly significant that you don't let yourself resolve issues without another issue presenting itself and creating just as much worry as before.

This is not a happy way to live - that's what I'm saying :(

I'd expect that would be the case tiktok! If DD was ff I'd probably have anxieties about that too!! Anyway what I thought was a period, wasn't! Very weird!

DD is still not feeding as well as she was and in the meantime my breasts are feeling full, which now am worried about going back to oversupply issues! I have to admit, after expressing yesterday DD feed beautifully! No choking with arching her back, no slipping off and no spitting up afterwards! Not forgetting how content she was! Am tempted to express again but no not to as this will make the oversupply worst.

Early spotting prob indicates a light period, Gina. Not uncommon. If you are worried, see doc.

It was just under week ago I started this post and DD hasn't improved at all. I had to exspress thIs morning as I was in agony! DD is hardly feeding at all and my breasts feel so engurged all the time just like the early days when I had oversupply! Her latch is so bad that I am in agony when she does go on for all of 3 minutes! I'm at my wits end now to the point I want to give up cold turkey! 4 months of misery! Why would a baby stop feeding and how can I cope with it all and stop my supply suffering? Seriously my breasts have been messed about so much i can't take it anymore!!! DD is 19 wks by the way! Have to also mention that she is so hard to unsettle and up so much more in the night!

Bump

Have you seen anybody in rl? Decent hv/bfing counsellor/GP?

You need to tackle both issues. One, if your dd seriously isn't feeding sufficiently and you're engorged, both of you need rl help. And two, your anxiety issues.

Haven't seen or spoken to anyone as I was trying not to worry about it! But after a week now I'm now worrying and In a lot of pain!

You need to get yourself and the baby checked out. Because if you're engorged and in pain then you're putting yourself at risk of mastitis. And bfing will be difficult for both of you if you're engorged. Have you all the numbers to hand for making appointments right now?

Have you phoned anyone yet? Sorry to nag but you need rl help asap.

Gina, sorry to hear all that.....this is beyond what mumsnet can help with, I think, other than supporting you.

You need real life help - someone who understands about breastfeeding and about anxiety issues, and who can assess your dd's well-being.

If your baby has literally stopped feeding, then clearly this is a medical issue - but I don't think she can have stopped feeding. Sounds like she is feeding for less time and whether this is related to a persistent cold or not, no one here can tell. Babies of about this age do sometimes naturally feed for less time - and get upset when you try to get them to feed for longer. Again, it's not possible to say if this is what is happening here.

Now's the time for some real life help, yes? But don't present it simply as a breastfeeding problem, because it's not simply a breastfeeding problem.

Hi Gina, just read your post and replies with some interest. I am speaking as someone who suffered a lot in the early days of bfing (up till about DS was about 6 months) and was also HIGHLY anxious about each feed. I am still bfing 13 months on, and it has gotten much much easier. I have to echo exactly what tiktok said and suggest you need some real-life help from either the HV or GP. As useful as MN is, sometimes it's better to speak to someone who will put things in perspective. I always thought bfing was the be-all and end-all. I thought if I gave up, I have failed my son, my husband, my parents and womankind! As a result, every feed was torture (and I seriously mean this). I remember the dark dark days when DS would be sobbing at my breast, and I would be hysterical trying to feed him. I can't believe I put him (and myself) through it now!! It wasn't until I spoke to bfing councillors, LLL, HV that I realised bfing (as healthy and nutritious as it is) is a form of feeding, as is FF. If I had another child, I would never ever be as obsessed with bfing as I was with DS-it's just not worth it (I don't care what anyone else says)... I too don't think there is any problem with your supply-you just need to relax a bit and let nature take it's course. If you feel stressed all the time, and want to give up (despite the fact there is nothing wrong with your supply!), then do so if it means a happier Mum and baby. HTH xx