Question for those who breastfed for more than, say, 15 to 18 months

[emkana]

Did you actively encourage your child to only feed at certain times, or did your child cut down on feeds by him/herself?

When my dd's were coming up for two I started to introduce certain rules when they could feed - and they were quite happy to go along with that. This led to my dd1 gradually self-weaning, my dd2 cutting down to just one feed a day.

In that infamous programme today on Ch. 4 it struck me that the women all seemed to allow their children to feed whenever they wanted - and I wonder if this is typical or more my experience?

My dd2 just cut down herself. At 3 we discussed the fact that she would have to give up soon. She said no but came to that conclusion herself a couple of weeks later.

I found that my ds (19 months) did this himself. He now feeds 3 to 4 times in 24 hours when he is well. He cut down to this at about 15/16 months. I am happy to follow his lead

A mixture of the two. Ds stopped feeding in front of my parents, then stopped outside the home, then everywhere except a particular chair and then stopped altogether.

Once he got language he could tell me what he wanted so I wouldn't assume that it was hunger.

I also invented "magic cream" for hurties as it's more obvious when you've just seen them fall off something than when they are tiny. magic cream is permantely stored in the Palm of your hand and invisibly applied as neccessary.

I actively removed feeds, so that after a while DS knew that he only got mummy when he woke up and before bed. Once that rule was in place he never asked for the breast out of the house.

When he was about 20 months or so I went down to evenings only.

But because I'd gone back to work 3 days a week, I only ever gave him 4 breastfeeds a day from about 8 months. And I introduced cow's milk as an additional drink from about a year.

I actully cut back on feeds a lot from about 10 months- not by ever refusing but because when we were out (starting at about 6-7 months) I found myself offering feeds when ds had been over 3 hrs since the last one and he would arch his back and scream. It was really embarassing having a screaming child and waving my nipple in public so after the third time he did this I just stopped offering when we were in a public place and so far he has never asked again when we are out.

This did restrict me a bit as at 7 months he still needed loads of milk. However we were nearly always home for his 2 naps a day so he got am/pm feeds plus before or after naps, also 1-3 feeds at night. That way he seemed to get enough milk.

From 10 months as we were going out more and I went back to work 3 days a week he just seemed to drop a lot himself.

Now we are on 2 feeds on work days and between 1-4 feeds on home days. When he is ill though this is more like 4-6 feeds during the day if I am home. I have no plans to stop soon.

One thing I never did though was offer the breast for comfort when he was upset about something or had hurt himself. I exclude illness from this because he is likely to be in pain/discomfort which is difficult to control with drugs etc espacially if it a virus or something that can't really be helped much by drugs so he may need the help in coping with discomfort that goes on for a while.

If ds just bumps his head/falls down etc(something that makes him cry but isn't likely to hurt much) or is frustrated, angry about something, I don't offer bfing and never have. In fact if he asks after something like this it is one of the times I might refuse.

I actually believe it is better to accept your child has to cry in that instance - to hold them and comfort them but not to necessarily stop them crying. I see crying as baby's voice and sometimes we just need to listen to and be sympathetic no matter how hard that is for us.

good point, lazycow. From the earliest point of the head bonking stage I made it a rule to never say, "it's OK, stop crying, now" or things like that. I wanted ds to know that it's perfectly fine to cry when you are hurt and I would just hold him and say "I know that hurt", etc. He actually gets over things quite quickly now and goes about his merry way.

Lc, I have also never offered the breat if ds has hurt himself. I cuddle him and comfort him, but don't automatically shove him on the boob. That's as bad a shoving a dummy in the mouth to shut them up.

I do fed on demand when he is unwell though. He has just got over a chest infection and hardly toched his food for days, so he naturally fed more during the day. Like you said, it is a differnt kind of pain and hard to control with drugs.

I demand fed from the start and still do at 19 months. A lot of the benefits of breastfeeding are tied up with comfort feeds and demand feeding allows babies to control their own intake which has been shown to be beneficial as they get older they're more likely to eat a healthy amount and not under or over eat out of habit.

I do ask her to wait now if its not convenient to me but I think its important she knows that she can have it when she feels she needs it.

so you must sometimes be feeding when out & about then? what reaction do you get from others from feeding an older baby?

My dd started off demand feeding which I was more than happy with, but she found her own feeding routine earlier than 12 months and was feeding at more or less regular times. I never had to actively remove feeds - she did that herself until at 18 months we were down to generally just morning and evening, at 2 she was just having the morning feed, and shortly afterwards she self-weaned.

I never fed her while out and about, even when she was small (large boobs + short arms = impossible to feed with dignity). Still managed OK though.

Once dd was past 1 year, I found that bf-ing was more and more about comfort than nutrition. I saw it as the equivalent of cuddles. So if dd fell or had a tantrum, I would offer her the boob if we were at home. If she did not want the comfort of a boob, she would make it very clear - dd was not the sort of child who would shut up with anything in her mouth if she did not want the comfort of it (rejected all dummies and bottles). See no problems with that.

Dd might also gesture to nurse if she was bored. So if she was out-and-about, she generally would not ask for it because there was so much to see and do. But I would not offer her when outside (even for an ouchie, unless very bad) and would probably have resisted with distraction if she asked for it.

Dd gradually cut down day feeds but night feeds increased due to teething - until I weaned her pretty much cold turkey (1 week) during a nursing strike at 17 months. Would have loved to continue to nurse for longer but waking 15 times a night to nurse was getting too much for me.

Once DD was past about a year I stopped offering feeds, she only had milk if she asked for it. Outside feeds pretty much disappeared overnight. That carried on until she was about 18mths, then I started offering her juice when she asked for milk during the day, sometimes she still wanted milk but increasingly she preferred to have juice. By the time she was 2 DD was only having a 'good morning' bf in bed with me and that was getting sporadic as during the week we were often up before her. I think her last bf was when she was about 2.1?

My DD just gradually became uninterested in daytime feeds. I'd still offer, but she would only latch for a moment then she was off to build another tower or do something else. She really led it all herself.

She cut down to morning feed and bedtime feed, then gradually she phased out the bedtime feed and the morning one was the last to go. But I never made any effort to stop her, she was 22 months old when she stopped, occasionally (she is two in a few weeks) she still takes an opportunity if we're in thebath together for a quick suck, but its not feedingn - its almost like she remembers it and just gives it a try to be cheeky (thats the kind of look she gives me anyway)

I do think that if you rely on b/f for comfort, and almost use your breast as a pacifier then it will take loads longer as they will seek it as a child with a dummy seeks the dummy for every temper, every scrape and disagreement. Toddlers can spend quite some time out of sorts so you can make a rod for your own back.