giving a bottle of expressed milk - where am I going wrong?

[WheresVinick]

I'm on attempt 5 and it's getting worse, not better. DD2 is 4 weeks.

1. Tried Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature, teat size 1. DD drowned.
2. Tried Medela SN teat. Success. 3 oz. Topped up with breast.
3. Medela SN teat. Total success. 4.5 oz, then sleep.
4. Medela SN teat. Failure. DD sucked so hard she compressed the teat, then swallowed air and howled.
5. Medela Calma teat. Failure. DD howled.

I can't bear to be stuck in the house every evening for another 8 months (which is what happened with bottle-refusing DD1). What can I do? DH is wrose than hopeless and can't bear it when she cries. I need a no-cry bottle solution! I need to be able to make it work and then just hand it over to DH. I know I am making it worse by panicking - now sat here in tears breatfeeding. DD will only suckle at all when held in a breastfeeding position - have tried to feed her in a bouncer, but no dice. Any advice? I never even SEE bottle feeding so I have no idea if I'm doing something obviously wrong.

Hi - 4 weeks is still very early to express, especially as your dd is obviously loving breastfeeding.

Maybe give her a bit longer until you try again. Whilst it's not urgent, let breastfeeding get established before going back to expressing.

They can get confused (not a great way ot describe it but I think the most simple) between nipple and teat and the way the milk is sucked from the teat is very different to how the baby draws milk using their tongue from the breast.

She's only 4 weeks and can smell lovely breastmilk so perhaps, if you still want to give it a go tonight, then get your partner to try it - so she can't smell you and your milk.

My tip would be to wait longer though, as guidelines suggest, until breastfeeding is properly established Hope this helps.

Have you looked at kellymom? They have a good page on bottlefeeding breastfed infants.

I use Avent bottles and teats, and he sort of latches on, just like he does on me.

4.5 oz at a time seems like a huge amount for a feed though, my LO is only just taking 5 oz and he is 4 months old!

First lesson I learned when I had to get no.3 to take the odd bottle was... Always get someone else to feed the bottle. Baby associates mummy with booby and is alot less likely to accept a bottle from her. I stuck with the teat that was most breast like which was the Tommy tippee closer to nature.

I would just stick with the bfing for now, baby is still tiny and you might be more successful when she's alot more interested in her surroundings. Dd3 refused a bottle until she was a few months old, after that something just clicked and she accepted it pretty easily, only when someone else was giving it though, if I tried she would twist and scream for booby, lol.

I don't dare leave it. Leaving it is what got me 9 months of evenings at home with DD1. With her, I didn't even try until 2 months and she wouldn't take a bottle at all until 10 months, when she took the odd one or two at nursery before refusing again. All my friends started early, so that's what I'm trying. It really doesn't feel like I'm jeapardising the important thing (breastfeeding). I mean, she clearly prefers the breast, she latches happily and feeds well - surely breastfeeding IS established?

Obviously if offering the bottle doesn't work I'll be forced into leaving it a while... I really don't want to. I just feel the rising sense of claustrophobia. I won't be able to keep up my voluntary work. I won't be able to go to birthday parties or out for dinner with friends. I KNOW that breast feeding is more important than those things, but it makes me crazy. And it makes me crazy that the fact that it makes me crazy makes it less likely to work, because DD can sense that it's making me crazy! I should be able to get out of the house in the evening - feels like everyone else can!

Re: amount. It's not like I'm forcing it down her throat. She took 4.5 oz over the course of 45 minutes as her last feed of the evening, then slept 3 hours before waking up hungry. When she took 3oz she was still hungry for more and had to be topped up from the breast. Who says 4.5oz is too much? How the hell does anyone know? I honestly know NOTHING about bottle feeding (off to kellymom now for tips!). Am I really likely to be over-feeding her? (Except in as much as she won't take a bottle right now, anyway...)

Thanks for being kind, guys.

will def second the get someone else to give the bottle approach. DS (5months) point blank refuses to take a bottle off me (just kept going for the boobs!), but will with a little perseverance take it off someone else now, but generally does much better when i'm not in the room.

i first tried giving dd expressed milk when she was around 5/6 weeks and it took a few weeks. I always made my mum or dp try a few times a day just an ounce or so and then one day I was upstairs cleaning and dd was playing with dad downstairs and I knew it was coming up to feeding time and I quietly to him to try the bottle and she took it! I read somewhere that a bf baby can smell its mum for upto 20feet away! So maybe try waiting outside while dh gives it a go?

You could always give her it using a cup rather than bottle - she will lap it up like a kitten.

and eventually get really fast at taking it from a cup with an angled lip (cup lip)

Don't panic. Like anything she will take time to learn how to do it. 5 attempts, at least 2 successful, isn't too bad if my experience is anything to go by.

With our dd I ended up doing alternate feeds with bottle then boob. If the bottle feed didn't work, then we did boob. I did that for a couple of days and she did start to click. Maybe if you try it that way, would it take the pressure off?

My DH also couldn't get it to work in those early days and wasn't around to do alternate feeds throughout the day. At that stage I felt the barrier was her not knowing how to feed, not being confused about where the milk was coming from (she was 6 weeks).

I expressed fresh milk, just small amounts 1-2ozs, before each feed to give her. It was still warm when I gave it to her. I did small amounts so my boobs still had some milk left if she wouldn't take it.

I do share your feelings of worry about getting out in the evening and needing your own space. It was important to me too. She happily took a bottle up to 12 weeks old when she decided she didn't want it anymore! We had to give up again, but she did take the bottle again a few weeks later and we haven't looked back since.

It was very stressful, the whole bottle thing, until I decided to just try little and often and not to push it. Does that help? I guess the only disadvantage is the amount of time I spent expressing and sterilising in the beginning!

Good luck

I agree try getting someone else to bottle feed baby the first few times, they can smell mums milk. You are right to introduce bottle early by 4 or 5 weeks they are already getting very set in to one way of feeding. I've given many babies one bottle feed in every 24 hours with no problems if introduced early but it is alway harder for mum as baby associates her with breast feeding

Does your dd have a dummy? If so you could settle her down with a dummy until she's calm and then very quietly and quickly swap the dummy for a bottle and this worked for me........ 4.5 is not too much, my 4 day old 6lb ds took that much and still does (12 days) have that much at 10pm every night of expressed milk

I just posted about this on another thread. My dd won't take it unless it's properly warm. Even if I've just expressed it I have to heat it a bit or she won't have it.

It's so good to hear that it's not just me who finds this hard! I really was beginning to wonder whether I was missing something obvious. Thanks everyone for sharing your difficulties.

trio - you know, now I come to think of it, my two successes were also the warmest bottles. Excellent thought!

gd1976 - no dummy - but I'm glad 4.5oz sounds OK. I really didn't think I was overfeeding, especially for the last feed of the day.