Time to stop bf...

[Yawner247]

This am dh expressed concern about looking after dd when I return to work...my intention was to stop bf dd in may when she will be one...I have no idea how you do this as she is my first, also no idea how long it takes! My hv have been pretty crap to say the least!
Over the last few weeks dd has cut down to three feeds one in am, mid aft and bedtime...I feed her to sleep(bad mother) and as a result I have never been away from her, We had one eve out where she took ebm from a bottle with my mum and then she went to bed with a bf with me. Dd starts nursery two afts a week after her first birthday and I start work two weeks after this!
Is it too much for dd to have all this change in such a short space in time?
Any advice as to how to tackle it? I'm scared it's going to disrupt everything as she is sleeping through and is a happy lil girl!

Firstly you don't have to stop if you and your DD don't want to, my DS (now 2) started nursery (for 3 days a week) when he was 6 months old and I expressed at work until he naturally dropped the afternoon feed (at about 10 months old I think) and we just had feeds before going to work and at bedtime (fed to sleep too... hey it works so why stop?!?)
He finally stopped BFing 2 weeks before his 2nd birthday, we were just doing bedtime feed as he forgot about the morning one and would rather have his Ready Brek!

Basically don't worry about it, you don't have to 'do' anything as she will be a whole different baby in May anyway. If it's you who wants to stop then drop one feed at at time to prevent your boobs going mental but I promise you by the time May comes around things will probably have evolved naturally anyway

Hi thanks for your reply...my work is shift based so I won't be at home at bed time every time so this is where dh gets worried about being on his own with her as she always bf to sleep! I was hoping that someone would say she will be totally different in may as that's what I keep saying to dh and what I have been thinking too! I think over the next few weeks we shall see what happens I've been keeping track of feeds as we are ttc too so have found it useful to see how she's started weaning herself

Don't worry and try to get your Dh not to worry. Don't do anything you don't want to. If you feel it is time to stop, this may present an opportunity, if not, then your dd will get accustomed very quickly to milk when you are there and not when you are not. It may mean the first couple of times are slightly difficult for your Dh but no more than that.

You'll be amazed how they adapt very quickly to Mum/boob not being there, she might get a bit confused at first but if she's ok to take a bottle (or even beaker) of milk at bedtime then a nice long cuddle from Dad she'll be just fine. Even if she takes no milk it will do her no harm as she'll be old enough to make up for it when you're around if she needs to
Oh and I managed to conceive whilst still BFing twice a day and I think being preg is what made DS stop feeding (milk supply dropped and he got bored I think!)
Good luck

I stopped bf when DD turned one (she was losing interest, my supply was dwindling and I was fed up with doing every bedtime). I was dreading the process and thought it would be horrendous, and involve lots of tears but actually it was fine.

We decided on a date that I would stop, and by then I had reduced down to just the bedtime feed. I gave DD a cup of cows' milk about an hour before bedtime and then DH took her up, did bathtime and story time and then put her down. He took it really slowly and let her fall asleep on him before putting her in the cot. For 2 weeks, DH did every bedtime and there were no tears or anything, DD was quite happy. Then DH went away for work, so I put her to bed for the first time without a breastfeed and she was fine - didn't ask for it, didn't seem bothered at all.

I have to be honest and say if DD had been really attached to bf then I would probably have carried on, but she just wasn't bothered. I don't know anyone who has had serious issues trying to get their baby to stop bf - it will probably be much easier than you think. And yes, when you stop bf and your baby isn't bothered either way, you will feel a little bit sad that you are not as indispensable and 100% essential to your child as you had flattered yourself you might be!

Gosh quite a lot of 'bothered's there

thanks for sharing... I wish my dh was at home every bedtime to do that...we both do shift work!! I am ready in some ways but not in others...I said I wanted to get to one...when I started bf it was a week by week thing and when I got to six months I was so proud of myself! it would be nice to pop out in the evenings knowing dd won't NEED me to get her off to sleep with a bf but then in other ways I know I will be sad when it has finished!

Maybe you would be best off taking some holiday to sort it? Or could you try and get a sympathy vote for early shifts for a week or two? My DH is rarely home for bedtime when working, we did it whilst he was on holiday.

I was 99% delighted when DD stopped bf - it really felt like the final frontier of freedom. But I did also feel a bit sad that she didn't really need me in the same way any more. She now loves DH much more than me - typical!

Yawner My DS is 19 m.o. and we've been doing mornings and nights since 1 year. I've noticed that on the nights I go out and DS does the bedtime he does alright without a BF (bath teeth slow cuddly stories, in cot with a sippy cup of water, some crying then sleep) - probably five minutes' more crying than if I'd been there for a feed, and he prefers a feed, but he knows that if I"m not there he's not getting one. If that makes sense?

Ditto on mornings when H gets him up as I am too knackered- he is a bit grumpy first thing but accepts cuddles cereal and a sippy cup of milk and some sesame street and doesn't have a strop if there's no BF in sight.

She really will be different in May. If you're worried, you could try feeding her right to the edge of sleep and leaving her sleepy but not asleep, then have only your H go back in to her if she gets upset - or if you're the only one home, go in to pat but not feed again. Try to get her to actually nod off alone. And of course you can get to the end of April and start going out after the bath, leaving your H to do stories and sleep. She'll probably cry for a bit the first night and he'll have to go in with a sippy cup and pat her, but she will go to sleep.

I suppose I'm saying you can stop completely at a year or keep going when you're there and not worry when you're not, but above all, she'll be a much much bigger girl in three months and she really will be fine. It won't be fun for your H for a few nights but he will sort it and he can then feel like a superhero babywhisperer (my DH's words! :) )for putting a sleeping baby into deep slumbers with only 'my soothing voice and excellent parenting skills' (modest one, my h ! {grin)

I didn't go back to work but I found that my DC settled fine for DH as, as BF babies, it was completely different or them. Often he just popped them in the sling or they fell asleep on him.
Most of my friends who have gone back to work have found that their babies coped fine. Especially from 8/9 months onwards, they just nursed when mum was home and had food and water when she wasn't around.

If I'm there dd (11 mo) demands milk and won't seep. If I'm not she goes straight off. I've started sending DH in when she wakes at night because rather than half an hour of "mum mum mummmm" she's back down in 5 mins. He rubs her back and sings.

Yes, when we decided to night wean (around 12-13 months I think, but I really could have done it sooner!) that's when DH took over getting up in the night. Sip of water, pat on back, job done. Wheras if I went in ... either frantic clawing at my shirt or a 40 minute feed, thankyewverrrymuch.

I hope you find the right balance, OP - I'm sure it will sort itself out. Even if you end up going cold turkey, your DD will be grown up enough to drink other drinks, eat other foods, and generally NOT starve. Promise! :)

blackcurrants your post made me chuckle...very modest indeed!! Thank you for your responses, they have been very reassuring!