Feel so guilty, I want to stop breastfeeding

[PleaseLeaveVictor]

Ds is 9 months old and I am breast feeding. I think I have reached the end of my rope though and I feel awful about it.

I have always enjoyed feeding him but over the last couple of weeks he has started to bite all the time and it is so painful, I have tried everything to get him to stop but it's getting worse. We co sleep and twice last night I was woken up by him biting me during feeding.

I was in tears this morning, I feel guilty about wanting to stop and feel like I am letting him down and giving up on him. Plus I feed him to sleep and really struggle to get him to nap without it.

I don't have the first clue about bottles, how many or how much a 9 month old should be having, I don't know how to stop breast feeding, he is screaming at the moment because he is tired but every time I try and get him to sleep he bites me.

Help!

Please stop beating yourself up! You've done a brilliant job and if you feel it's the right time to stop breasfeeding then that's right for you!

I stopped breasfeeding DD at 8 months when she bit my nipple and drew blood - until then we were happy moseying along with breast and bottle combined. I used Aptamil formula and I used to give DD a recommended bottle's worth least three times a day with the breast afterwards if she was still hungry. She also 'snacked' on the breast during the day. Maybe try breast and bottle at first to get your DS used to the feel of a bottle and if that goes well take it from there.

I'm afraid I don't have much advice, just lots of sympathy. DD is 10 months old and had been doing this at every feed, but fortunately it seems to be on the wane. Whatever you decide to do, you have done brilliantly to manage bfing for 9 months and it really wouldn't be the end of the world to stop - you have to think about your well being also . Someone will be along with useful advice, I'm sure. Best of luck. Have some to cheer you up .

I'm with MrsA - don't beat yourself up..it wont help either of you. You have done amazing to get to 9mo. I stopped bf when dd was 9mo (Oct last year) as we were having similar experiences to you - we had both reached the end of our run and I needed decent sleep too.

I would try the bottle in the daytime first. Again, agreeing with MrsA we went for Aptamil (my sister tasted them all and this was the 'best'!) Got ourselves an Advent bottle and off we went - Some say you should get someone else to try to give them the bottle first - can your partner do it ? Apparently it eases them into it, my dh had tried a few times before and to be honest I think I found it easier, more comforting to her, to do myself but you may find it helps.

The first time it was a disaster she totally refused but over the next couple of days she took more and more, I just relaxed into it (it wasn't the end of the world as I had expected to feel and I actually felt quite liberated by it!) and she then got on with it and then downed the bottle and we didn't look back. It's easy to make up.. one ounce, one spoon of formula - I think we started on about 5/6 ounces at that age - it should tell you on the side of the box.

I carried on bf at bedtime and an early wake up time (part co-sleeping in an attempt to get a bit more sleep!) for a week or so and then switched to bottle. She was in her own room and woke for a couple of nights but I didn't feed and managed to get her settled again. I think the whole 'process' took about 2/3 weeks.

Sorry waffled a bit but hope that helps and honestly it will only be as traumatic as you make it.. keep calm and trust yourself and your instincts and if it's right it's right to do - no harm done! Happy Mum, Happy baby!

Thank you both, I don't want to stop but I really can't put up with the biting much longer

He thinks it's great fun, and I think he may be teething again as he has bad nappy rash and upset stomach which he has for a couple of weeks when his bottom teeth came through.

Other than all the normal reasons for loving breast feeding one of my main reasons for wanting to carry on is because it's so easy in the night to get him back off (he is a 2-3 hourly waker) I don't even have to get out of bed. But on the other hand I would love to be able to put him up to bed in a cot and for him to sleep through (he has only ever slept on me, rarely sleeps in the pushchair when we are out) I would get a but of an evening then. But then I feel so guilty for wanting him to sleep away from me, him feeling abandoned etc I love cuddling him.

It doesn't help that I am alone with 3 children, I never get a break. I love my baby so much and am just consumed with guilt atm, apologies for the tired ramble

Xpost, didn't mean to leave you out I thank you too

Will get some aptimal and have it at the ready, unfortunately there is no one else to give it to him but me so fingers crossed

Do not apologise - rambling's good for the soul!!

I absolutely sympathise with you for not wanting to give it up. Once we got into the swing of breastfeeding, I would give DD a bottle of a nighttime (to try and see her through 6-7 hours without waking for another feed) followed by a breast or two and she would finish on the breast and snuggle up to it like a soft fleshy pillow, fast asleep and complete with a contented smile on her face! There's no feeling like it!

If you do try the bottle/breast route, I'll warn you it probably won't work at first. DD was a very hungry demand fed baby and I felt like such a failure for not being able to satiate her myself, but she eventually took to a bottle and we were both happier for it. Persevere. He'll probably refuse point blank at first but if you don't give in immediately when he refuses it (and I know it's very hard with a crying baby) he'll hopefully start suckling from the bottle.

Good luck chuck!

Biting is horrible, I feel for you - dd bit me badly at 7 months when her bottom 2 teeth came through, and I was wondering if top teeth would spell the end of breastfeeding (or the total loss of a nipple..!) but touch wood it's a phase that hasn't happened again. It took me a few weeks to relax back into it though as I was always waiting for her to bite. Things that helped us (in case it's any use):

Only feeding when she was definitely hungry rather than just tired/bored
Watching her like a hawk and taking her off as soon as she started 'messing about' at the end of a feed
Feeding her somewhere quiet with no distractions
Adjusting the latch a bit by sitting her more upright seemed to help
When feeding at night, I sat up in bed and fed as in the daytime and kept covered up otherwise (we co-slept too til recently)

I think this phase lasted a few weeks for us and was definitely connected with her getting new teeth. I got good advice and support from our local breastfeeding drop-in and La Leche League. We're back to feeding as normal now (at 11m). Whatever you decide, as everyone says you've done brilliantly getting this far, so don't beat yourself up either way!

Have you tried firmly telling her no and taking her off when she bites, so she realises not to do it? This worked pretty effectively on DS and I only had to do it a couple of times, although he didn't get teeth until he was 11 months so not sure whether he was old enough to "be told" iyswim. You have done brilliantly to get to 9 months, whether you stop now or try to keep going. :) The only thing I would say is that if you can keep going until a year then you wouldn't have to bother with formula. If he is teething, have you tried putting bonjela on before a feed? Helps with us. Good luck anyway. :)

Sorry, I just realised I called your DS "she" and "her" in the beginning of my reply.

Oh biting is horrible, my DD did this at 9 months too and I was absolutely panicked that I'd have to give up - felt sort of rejected, too.

BUT ... ve have ze vays of making you stop biting, leetle baby ...

Eventually I found the knack with mine - watched her really carefully and when she went for the chomp, I pushed her face (gently) right into my breast so she'd have to let go to breathe! I had to do this maybe 5 - 10 times and then she stopped biting and never did it again, thank god.

Thank you I really appreciate all your advice.

I really don't want to give up, it seems to always be the beginning of the feed that he bites, he clamps his teeth down and really pulls. I usually tell him no and put his dummy in for a couple of minutes, sometimes he will then fall asleep so maybe feeding for comfort rather than food?

I do wonder if I am producing less milk and he finds it frustrating, my boobs have seemed baggy and less full lately, he has a huge appetite and would happily eat food all day long and only has 3 feeds from me a day, mid morning (nap time) mid afternoon (nap time) and evening (bedtime) and then on and off all night.

He seems to bite the left side more.

He drinks loads of water and juice during the day.

I will definitely try your tips, thank you

There is so much going on for babies at 9 months, no wonder they get a bit confused at times!

With my DD, I think it was a case of "wow, this is something new I can do with my teeth!" You know like when they develop a new skill, they just want to practice it all the time? But in the end she was just as upset as I was, because she really did want to BF but had forgotten how. Feeding for comfort is totally normal (and ok) at this age - actually I think that security becomes even more important for them as they get into all sorts of new things and situations.

Take care of yourself, PleaseLeave - it sounds like you are absolutely exhausted, but I think you are doing a great job and that your LOs are lucky to have such a caring mummy

Thank you

I managed to get through the night and get him to sleep for his morning nap bite free although I was on edge waiting for it to happen! I think I can see a tooth about to come through on his upper gum so maybe that's the problem he just enjoys biting the little monkey hopefully once that's out of the way normal service will resume fat chance it will just be more painful