bf after a year?

[roosmum]

hmm, apologies in advance if this has been done to death - but it's a call to extended bfers really...

HV (mine is v. nice!) reckons that bfing past a year means you get a toddler that thinks your breasts belong to them...& so it's difficult to stop feeding.
ds will be 1 on thursday, still bfing 2-4 times a day, & has never had formula (oddly proud of that )
what do other mums bfing past 1 think, from experience?? i have NO desire to stop feeding, but wonder if it'll be hard to stop in, say, 6 months, if that's what i feel like at the time? i'd love for him to self-wean, but appreciate that cd be a long way off. also i guess cow's milk comes into play now he's 1?
any thoughts welcome

I have a dd and breastfed for 17 months when one day she decided to stop, I was heartbroken. She never claimed my boobs as her own but it maybe different with boys.

Your HV is wrong, IME. I breastfed until dd was 2, and she certainly didn't think that my breasts belonged to her (not in the negative way that your HV seems to mean!). By the time she was a year old she was in a nice routine for her feeds, so I wasn't being badgered by her to feed her at awkward times, she didn't lift my top and help herself (which is something else that people think always happens with extended bfing) and it was never a problem for me.

Because dd had a nice settled routine, it was easy to drop the feeds when she wanted to. At about 18 months she dropped the daytime feeds, and for the last six months was just fed morning and evening. She quite happily self-weaned at the age of 2 - she simply refused a feed one morning, and when I offered in the evening she said she only wanted to drink from a cup now.

I suppose it could be difficult to stop feeding if you wanted to stop but your baby didn't - but that's true at any point, not just over 12 months old, and if you don't want to stop then it's an argument that has no relevance. Feed for as long as both you and your ds want to - the WHO recommend up to 2 years, so it's still something that benefits your ds.

I think your HV (like many people) is a bit silly on this issue. I BF DS1 to 18 months, and found stopping then very easy. By then, he was only having a feed in the morning, in my bed. For a couple of weeks, I just stopped bringing him into my bed, and that was that.

DS2 is now 16 months, and I'm in no rush to stop. The only hassle I find with bf over a year, is I really don't like having my top pulled up etc in public. So at about a year, I stopped bf in public with him. He knows he only really gets bf in my room or his room, at home. This means I feed him 2-4 times a day.

I've also found that around a year, he picked up some very strange habits with bf, and really likes to switch sides, blow foofs on my boobs, etc etc, all of which are great, but not what I want in public.

roosmum
well I think your hv is right in as much as babies and toddlers do think their mums belong to them and can be quite possessive
also, the later you leave it, if you want to wean him off you will have to discuss and negotiate with him as he becomes more verbal
but, imho, any chold of whatever age will have developed some sort of attachment to being bf, but I can't see from my experience that bf past a year makes any difference.
IME many toddlers will wean themselves off at some point but it is fair to say that could be later rather than sooner. but, imho, the later you leave it the easier the transition is for the child because they are more capable of self comforting the older they get.
but if you intend to self wean, yes, it could be - say - another two years.
hth

ps yes good points by NQC
my dd1 (2.7) still feeds but only at certain times of the day (in our bed, or her bedroom before nap times) so she understands there are limits.
it is, of course, easier to explain this concept the older they get. I do not think for a minute that she thinks that my breasts belong to her...

I agree with the other posters. My dd2 fed until just after her third birthday, but for 2 years we didn't do so in public, just when we were alone. She knew that some people didn't understand and I think a little bit of social pressure brought it to an end a little earlier than it might have done. One of her friends stoped at about the same time.

I would say my dd thinks I belong to her but so does her sister who was unfortunatly bottle fed!

Hello
I also about to go past the 1 year mark
DS has a bottle if I leave him with DH but otherwise I am not offering bottles or cups

I am still breastfeeding in public but getting quite a lot of social pressure to stop

Should I be offering a cup instead of the breast now?

hiya blonde! roo only has a cup (usu. doidy) as he never was interested in bottles, so you def. could try milk out of one now imo.

thanks all for the answers...not going to stop feeding any time soon, tho dh would like me to i think (calls ds & i bfing 'addicts' ).
we no longer feed in 'public', only at home/friends' houses, so i'm not worried about that. ds never really 'asks' for a feed, so i think he prob. would stop w/o a fuss (atm). HV's implication seemed to be along lines of stop now - or feed for a long while after he's 1, which i just wondered about. i know you can eg just go away for the weekend, cold turkey sort of weaning, but i wouldn't fancy that tbh.
harpsi - am loving the idea of 'negotiating' over feeding, what a larf that'll be
roll on the next year then, i quite like the idea of joining hardcore bfing circles actually!

ooh, meant to ask also - if bfing past 1, did any of you introduce cow's milk, or is there no point if still bfing at least twice a day?

I've offered cow's milk. DS1 wouldn't touch it until I stopped bf. DS2 likes it fine, and will have cow's milk, then boob, then cow's milk.

Personally, I think it's kinder to stop gradually, rather than go cold turkey.
I never thought of myself as en extended breast-feeder (guess I was, really). Anyway, my dd weaned herself at 17-18 months, so it does happen. I guess I kind of helped the process along as she was only feeding twice a day by that point, if I remember correctly. No need to stop at 12 months, if you don't feel like it.

I'm feeding ds who is now 22m. At a year we were still demand feeding, but with a definite routine to it. By 15m, it was down to morning, lunch and bed, and we've gradually cut out the lunch time feed and now the morning feed. They've been quite easy to drop, just by changing what we do at those times. Obv. he is now more vocal, and will occasionally ask outside of those times, I usually just say no.

I wouldn't worry if I had to feed in public (did at xmas when he was v.unwell), but we don't as a rule.

I think the last feed will be hard to drop, and doubt we will anytime soon as no. 2 is now on the way.

Cows milk - does he have it on his cereal? Does he have yoghurts or cheese / cheese sauces? If he's having these in any quantity, there's no need to give a drink of milk, but it's entirely up to you.

Congrats on getting to a year with bm only I know what you mean about feeling proud about it, I felt just the same

I think that anyone bf past 1 is the best!!!!!!!! Any is great but really you are the best if you can keep it going, I didnt get the chance so keep going for all of us who couldnt but would have done anything to!

by the way (sorry if you've read this before) going "cold turkey" by going away doesn't always work.
I went away on two occasions for 3+ days and dd1 still wanting bf when I got back.

At 12 months dd started having cow's milk on her cereal and in cooking (up until then I used EBM), but I didn't offer it as a drink until she dropped down to the two breast feeds a day at 18 months as I didn't really see the point seeing as she was still having at least 4 breast feeds a day. With hindsight that may not have been the best thing to do as she didn't take to cow's milk when I did introduce it, and she still won't drink it now.

I am feeding ds 14 months and its not a problem at all. Its a lovely time that we both share, he never trys lifting my top up other than when he is ready for bed in the evening, so I see that as he is letting me know that hes tired.At the moment I cant see myself stopping feeding in the near future, I am just letting things happen naturally. I will say the only time ds did sort of claim my boobs was when he had chickenpox a few weeks ago but I think thats perfectly normal when a baby is poorly!I dont know where some people get this idea that as soon as a baby reaches 1 they start helping themselves wherever and whenever they feel like it. Do you kow if your hv has breastfed? If she has maybe she found weaning difficult and thats why she gave u the advice she did. My hv is very supportive of extended feeding and I even found a Dr that was

harpsi, no i didn't know that...hmm. i def. will have to go away for a couple of nights in the summer tho, so it's good to know that he won't forget. he has plenty of milk-based stuff, so not worried abt total intake.
& cheers lacrimosa! never planned to feed for a particularly long time, it just seems stupid to stop now. it's been easy tho & i guess i've taken it for granted .

NQC, special thanks (you always answer my dumb boring questions ), read your thread abt mum & just hope you're ok
xxx