Pressure to express

[hairytaleofnewyork]

Im breast feeding. My dd is six weeks old.

aibu to wonder why people want me to start expressing?

It's my dp and my friend.

Reason given by friend was that then dp could feed her, and it would be easier if we were out. I find bf quite easy when we're out.

Until there's any real need for expressing I'd rather just carry on as we are.

Also had the not very useful comment that we might not want to let her sleep on us at bed time. Fact is, settling her on one of us after a feed then transferring her to her basket is what works best for us all. If we pit her straight into basket it becomes a never ending night of breast feeding because she won't settle.

Just do what you feel is right. People will always try to advise you on how to raise your child. Just nod politely and ignore. My son didn't want to take the breast so I had to express constantly to make sure there is enough milk. It is such a hassle that since we managed to get DS to take the breast, I stopped expressing. You are the mother, you know what is best for you and your baby.

There is no guarantee that your DD with take the bottle anyway! I have wasted a small fortune on puimps, bags and 3 different types of bottles and My DD is having none of it!

YANBU

I too have spent a small fortune of breast pumps.

i expressed for 3m so OH could do the 1 bottle a day.... but in the end i hated it so much, and expressing made me positively upset.
I have since given up and am much happier

for my next children i will NOT be upsetting my self and stressing at needing to express 3 times to make that 1 bottle per day.

You then have all the faff with sterilising etc, and it is ultimately safest to breast feed straight from the breast.

I agree, when out and about it is far far far easier to feed direct from the breast. Who wants to have to store safely then warm a bottle, when you have the exact amount required, at the correct temperature on tap?

Good grief, what is your friend's problem? It's your baby, your body, your night-times, your life so the only person who can say what is easier or harder is you! Also sounds like she may have a few 'issues' re breastfeeding in public?

You get ridiculous amounts of unsolicited (and often rude) advice as a new mum and nearly all of it is tripe. It can take months to build up the confidence to ignore it. So well done you for knowing your own mind and sticking to your guns!

Straight from the tap is so much easier. I expressed because I went back to work but if I could have avoided it I would have!

Besides expressing very early can cause havoc with your supply and in the long run its much easier if baby doesn't associate daddy with food. So really unless you have to then don't express.

Your friend has issues with breastfeeding she is projecting on to you - ignore her!

As for your DP feeding her, I have never understood the obsession with babies having a bottle of expressed breast milk (where there is no practical necessity- obviously I understand topping up where there are health issues, EBM where the mother is not available, EBM where the baby won't feed directly, etc). As far as I can tell, it has entered popular culture through a mixture of a formula feeding culture and people like Gina Ford who try to use expressed milk to avoid increased feeding at growth spurts.

Dads do not need to feed their babies to bond with them. If the mother just breastfed and the dad did everything else, guess who would be spending most time with the baby? It always seems a bit to me like other people wanting to take the 'fun' job (feeding), rather than the less fun jobs (nappies, rocking, etc) so that they can feel they are doing their bit without actually putting in the hard graft . It also has the added 'benefit' of making more work for the mother.

If it works for a particular family, great, but I find the pressure to go down that path really weird.

OP sounds like you are doing really well with feeding!

There is no need to express unless you want to. I really don't understand all this pressure for Dads to feed babies. There are loads of other things Dads can do for the baby which contribute to their bonding and relationship, bathing, dressing, cuddles, playing, stories etc etc etc.

Although obviously there's nothing wrong with a Dad feeding his baby it's not like it's a natural exerience you're depriving him of! (sorry rant over I got this a lot!)

I only expressed if I was planning a (rare) night out but they wouldn't take it from the bottle anyway so it was a bit of a waste!

Why you would faff around with bottles when you're out if you've got bf working well is beyond me!

You're doing great. Tell the others clearly you don't want to express amd to please stop mentioning it.

I bet they think they're being helpful, but as they aren't, I guess you can only tell them you're fine, or ignore.

if it's any consolation, I'm getting pressure in the opposite direction - starting to express now dd is practically 4 weeks, so my ropey left breast can be used mainly for expressing and the right one for feeding. cue dire threats about supply etc. Giving up feeding on one side made it loads easier with ds who bf'd to 14 months quite happily! But then I have arm and hand problems and really need MrNC to be able to do a feed if at all possible, and the milk is leaking out all over anyway so might as well make use of it...

As for settling your baby - WHATEVER WORKS!!! (envy...)

X post with SecondTime there!

We have twins, they were exclusively breastfed for over a year. My wonderful DH only got opportunity to bottle feed them with my milk. They refused to take it and subbornly waited until I got home!

He is still the most hands on Dad I know.

Sorry ^ one opportunity

Sounds like you need to tell your friend to mind her own business "thank you very much for your opinions but what's working for me works just fine"

And then sit down with your partner and discuss if he supports you breastfeeding 100%, specifically in public? And talk about if he feels he needs to bond with baby more and if so how he could do this? (ie by giving a bottle, bathing, caring for baby at certain time of the day).

We did the expressed bottle a day from week 4 to week 7 because 1) i had a fab supply and 2) thought it'd be nice bonding for dp. Turns out he wasn't that fussed after 2 weeks of "bonding" and was doing it for me and turns out I was only doing it for him So we had that discussion and we stopped giving bottle. I froze surpluss milk for a later date.

Turns out that dd did 'forget' how to take a bottle a few weeks later and we had to get her back on it when I went in to hospital for scheduled day surgery. We succeeded eventually and now she has a couple of bottles twice a week when I do a bit of exercise and we've kept that up from week 12. But I would never express to take a bottle out, that's one of the main benefits of bf'ing - the convenience of it all!

There's been a couple of threads recently about getting baby on bottle early (obviously after bf is established). Most people succeeded and it does give mum a bit of a break if needed; however one MNer succeeded for a short while giving a bottle and then baby realized it was a bottle and refused it later down the line around 5 months, so there is no guarantee she'll always take it.

If it's working for you now, don't change anything- trust your instinct.

As for sleeping on you - you baby, your rules she's only 6 weeks for ffs! We did this too, she slept on me or dp in the early weeks and I used to put her in cot or Moses basket awake which I think got her used to cot (not necessarily going to sleep in it, just lying in it). Now dd can fall asleep on her own but also, if she wants me, she can fall asleep on me too (like just now for her nap, she's poorly and wanted mummy cuddles to get her off to sleep) why not, I wanted a nap too!

Sounds like you are doing fab to me

Great minds think alike KadyPip . Glad you like to rant on that too!

There is nothing easier than BF when out with a baby. It's impossible to forget to take their food with you for a start

Expressing and getting someone else to give a baby the odd bottle does work for some people, but then so does giving the odd bottle of formula alongside BF, EBF, EFF,giving a mix of expressed milk alongside formula, some people even express every feed. I was really surprised to discover that it really isn't a simple case of BF v FF, and one thing I've learnt since becoming a mother it's that there is no right or wrong way to do things, you just have to make things up as you go along work out what works best you for and do that.

The other thing I've learnt is just to smile, nod and ignore advice that I'm not particularly interested in

sounds like you're doing fine and others have the issues here. :)

if i hadn't been going back to work when DS was 6 months i wouldn't have bothered at all with expressing.

he also slept on/near us in the living room and only went in the crib when we went to bed for a long time.

dc2 due next month and i so can't be bothered getting the pump out! will be back to work at a similar age but DH is a SAHD so will hopefully remember how he got DS to be happy with bottles of ebm!

The only reason for expressing in your case is if it helped you get the odd chance to go out for a while on your own (which doesn't have to mean a night on the tiles, a shopping trip or a cafe visit minus LO can be very liberating!). Would never do it to help other people, or to avoid having to actually bf in public - why bother?

I only express for when the baby is away from me.
Perhaps your friend thinks breastfeeding in public is not a good thing?

I've never really got why men want to bottle feed, there's a good blog post here about the myth of dads bonding through bottlefeeding.

I have always found expressing quite easy but stress can make it difficult so IMO I think there's no point doing something you see no need to do. I went from breast to cup with baby B, no bottles involved.

Thank you all. I think my friend does have issues about public bf.

My partner is fab. He changes almost all her nappies and does the baths (I assist). And spends lots of time with my dd ( dancing, playing, soothing).