Are there always tears if you do mother led weaning after 1 year?

[haloflo]

I am bf'ing 11 mo DD. She has 3 day feeds and at least 2 night feeds. I am TTC and although have had my first AF am worried that bf'ing will prevent future pregnancies plus i'm nervous of continuing to feed into a pregnancy (my boobs were just so sore when I got pg with DD)

I read on another thread that its hard to wean 12 month plus babies as they know what they want. DD will crawl over and pull my top when its feeding time during the day and unless I carry her round will cry until I feed her.

At night we co sleep and she feeds back to sleep, again getting quite upset and wide awake if I don't. I was hoping she would grow out of this and eventually sleep through but it seems less and less likely as she gets older.

What have your experiences been of weaning at 13/14/15 months? Was it easy? Do you wish you'd stopped sooner? (I always wanted to bf to 1 year but naively didn't realise by then older babies are less inclined to give up a good thing!)

It will be hard at any age to stop.

I've done it at 2 years, 8mths and 6mths twice.

I would recommend you do it as gradually as possible if you want to make it easy for your dd. Stop offering the feeds that she forgets. Make each feed shorter and shorter each time. With my 2 year old who fed through the night, i started giving bottles - but then that was another battle to fight later down the line!

I have conceived whilst breastfeeding and know many others who have, so don't assume you won't. And each pg has different symptoms, so hopefully you won't be so sore in your boobs next time - i think our boobs toughen up after breastfeeding, because i have never suffered pain like the first time round!

good luck!

BFing won't prevent future pregnancy and if you've got your AF then you're almost certain to be ovulating. However, feeding in pregnancy can certainly be painful for some mums. For others its fine and in fact many mums experience a drop in supply and/or a change to the taste of the milk which encourages a nursling to self wean anyway. Or not - some just carry on regardless!

I wrote that it can be harder to wean a child after the first year but equally many mums find that slowly dropping feeds between 12 and 18 months or so leads to gentle weaning just fine. It very much depends on the child - and that is the same for pre 12 month weaning, too. It sounds like you have a dedicated nursling and in that case the chance of her being easier to wean pre 12 months was unlikely TBH, so I don't think you've missed a window :) Really, mother-led weaning at any age can be hard on the child (not all) and if it's what you really need to do then you need to be prepared for some tears, heartbreaking as that is, and be really proactive about offering alternatives methods of love and closeness, as well as using distraction methods. It is tough; in fact it can be heartbreaking. But breastfeeding is a relationship and it has to be right for both of you.

Perhaps the first step would be to try to work out whether you really do want to wean, given that it won't affect TTC one way or another if you're ovulating, and given your concern about the risk of it becoming too painful when you do conceive. Maybe write a list of what options you have and see what resonates with you?

She absolutely will grow out of night feeding and feeding back to sleep. But, if you want to encourage it, something from here might help:

www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/night-weaning-12-alternatives-all-night-nurser

and this one:

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Let me clarify about BFing affecting TTC.

BFing can inhibit ovulation and can be a very effective form of contraception for about the first 6 months dependent on a number of factors. This explains it: www.breastfeedingbasics.com/articles/breastfeeding-and-birth-control

BFing can continue to inhibit ovulation for longer than this, less time and for some women until they wean completely even if it's only one feed a day (this is rare though). It depends on how sensitive a woman's body is to the hormones.

As you've got your AF it's very likely that you ovulated. Tracking your ovulations may help to reassure you and also make it easier to "catch" An excellent website for this is fertility friend. There's also a good book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility".

My eldest 3 children all weaned themselves at 15 mo. They each went from several feeds to nothing - complete cold turkey. There are 18.5 months between DC1 and DC2, and 2 years exactly between DC2 and 3, and DC3 and 4.

So you may find that your DD will wean herself in the next few months, or may just stop when you get pg because the taste of the milk changes.

Organiccarrotcake You made me laugh with the "dedicated nursling" and "not missing the window" comment. Thinking back you might be right, I was never going to be able to gently wean her when she was younger. Its not like she ever took a bottle!

I really don't know if I do want to wean. The thought of it brings me to tears but i'm nervous of feeding a toddler (nervous of venturing into the unknown). I will check out those links - i've probably read them before but just decided to wait and see if things improved on their own. Its hard when you are tired - you just want more sleep but i'm often too tired to make any changes (and often too busy)

Thanks for the reassurances over TTC - I know kellymom says you can get pg when bf'ing but RL people (ok it was my mum) insist its what made the difference. I'm looking out for the right kind of CM and am doing OPKs to try and work out if i'm ovulating (they worked well before I had DD)

hattie Interesting to hear you found it was difficult with both a baby and a toddler. No one told me how hard it would be to stop! I knew it would be hard to start but once established I thought it was an easy ride til the finish.

GladysLeap Reassuring to hear about your experiences.

I got PG while still feeding DD within a couple of months of trying, she was porbably still having 3 day feeds at the time. she was 2.5years though, I did get my periods back with both around 13months while still night feeding. But I think the gerneral thing seem's to be to try night weaning first as it seems to inhibit ovulation most. Although it doesn't seem to have with me, but everyone is different.

One of the important things to note about using BF as birth control is that because we are so well fed in the west even exculisive BF woun't stop everyone from becoming PG.

I'm so with you. My DS2 is very dedicated, too .

Some things that helped me are going to LLL toddler meets, as seeing other people with older nurslings made it feel very normal. Also two books - "Mothering your nursing toddler" and "Breastfeeding Older Children" are great reads.

You don't need to rush into weaning as it doesn't sound like it's affecting your ovulation, so take your time to make your choice :)

OPKs can work well but often they register juuuust on the later side, ie after you ovulate. Ideally DTD just before you ovulate and over your ovulation gives you the best chance of a catch. So, recognising when you are about to means you have more chance on that cycle and in any case it's really interesting (I think) to learn more about how your body works. But I'm a boobie geek generally so the rest of the female biology interests me, too .

WRT to the ways to track fertility, one part of it is to take your temperature every morning. This is the one part which is hard with a cosleeping nursling so you can just do the other parts and not stress this bit... if you want.

I don't know. I BF DD until she was 14 months. I thought I'd try stopping, and she was perfectly happy to stop.

Mothering your nursing toddler is definitely a good read.

You don't have to commit to feeding a toddler for ages, you can just take things as they come. :)

DS is a frequent and enthusiastic feeder at 26 m.o. I got pg the first cycle of TTC - only the third cycle since AF first returned post-partum.

My breasts were really sore in pg before, and also before/during ovulation. I'm only 6 weeks pg so it's early days, but I've had no discomfort yet.

Thanks for the recommendation of Mothering your nursing toddler angel and organic, despite the dodgy front cover its a good read. Very very reassuring.

I went to my bf group today and felt happier about my decision to continue feeding for now. Only a couple of girls have older babies though and both their babies are down to 1/2 feeds a day and (apparently) sleep all night. Only the book (and MN) reassure me that my boob mad DD is normal! No LLL near me either.

No sign of ovulation this cycle but I am starting to wonder whether i'm ready to TTC DC2 when DD is so demanding of me! Temping is defiantly a step too far for now.

Hi haloflo
I got pregnant while still breast feeding DD1. She was on three day feeds and one night feed.

She was about fourteen months old. I kept feeding her when I was first pregnant and hadn't quite made up my mind about whether to continue feeding her and tandem with what is now DD2.

But actually being pregnant really encouraged her to wean herself. I don't know if the taste changed but my supply definitely dropped and she just lost interest herself. She was about 18 or 19 months when she fully stopped.

So, for me, getting pregnant led to what felt like a very gentle weaning and although it was prompted by my pregnancy it felt very baby led.