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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Feeding laying down and dozing

36 replies

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 01/03/2012 23:37

Baby sleeps in cot by the bed but at night I feed her in bed with me lying down. Last night I fell asleep twice and woke up in horror in case I had squished her.

Anyone else sleep when feeding? Tips to stay awake? Do I need to go back to feeding siting up?

OP posts:

theboobmeister · 05/03/2012 10:09

A handy hit re the duvet ...

Wrap your duvet around and underneath you to boob-level - like you're in a sleeping bag. If your shoulders get cold, wear a little cardi in bed. Then the baby sleeps next to you in a gro-bag.

That way you'll both be warm, there's no chance of your duvet accidentally smothering her (cos its secured under your body), and it'll be much harder for you to rearrange things in your sleep!

I well remember how nerve-racking it all is. I also forced myself to stay awake during night feeds, and by 8 weeks I was an incoherent sobbing mess. Learning how to sleep while my DD fed was an complete and utter life saver.

chipmonkey · 05/03/2012 10:32

I did this and my baby died.

Now, to be fair, dd was very prem and prem babies are prone to SIDS. I had actually been careful not to co-sleep because of this but would usually find that she would latch on better if we lay side by side. We did this one morning, I dozed off unintentionally and when dh woke me, she had stopped breathing. CPR failed, the paramedics' adrenaline shots failed and sadly by the time A+E staff started her heart, her brain had died.

I am not saying that this caused her death, she had had a tendency to forget to breathe when she was in NICU but had always managed to wake herself back up.

But if I had my time again, I wouldn't do it.

theboobmeister · 05/03/2012 10:41

Oh my goodness, chipmonkey, I am so sorry

nickelhasababy · 05/03/2012 10:49

chipmonkey - i'm really sorry :(

it does show how important those criteria for not co-sleeping are.
it was entirely accidental in your case - you would never have done it if you thought you would fall asleep :(
especially as it was morning - anyone would have done it too.
and if she kept stopping breathing, then i bet that would have happened in any situation at that time.

so sorry

organiccarrotcake · 05/03/2012 12:24

chipmonkey I am so, so sorry to hear your story.

It is important for people who see that to understand that (assuming I've understood what you've written) you didn't overlay your baby, but she died from SIDS possibly caused by sleep apnea. Bedsharing or sleeping with your baby very close to you can counter sleep apnea (and I've heard many such cases) but tragically in your case this didn't happen. This would have been the same thing no matter where you or she were sleeping.

In the one other case I've heard of where this has happened the mother took comfort in the fact that her baby was next to her, and there was nothing more that she could have done. She said that if she had put her to sleep in a cot and come back to her, she'd never have known if she could have changed things. I hope this is the same for you.

Much love and my deepest sympathy.

Original poster

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 05/03/2012 12:46

chipmonkey I am so sorry

OP posts:

organiccarrotcake · 05/03/2012 17:48

ophelia this might be of interest to you:

www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/breastfeeding-co-sleeping-and-sudden-unexpected-deaths-infancy

Matou · 06/03/2012 01:40

oh chipmonkey I am sorry that you lost your baby, especially in these circumstances. [big hug] if I may.

I would still like to chip in in favour of co-sleeping. DS1 slept in a moses basket next to me but I breastfed sitting up and awake and it was hell. The exhaustion, combined with very bad thrush, contributed to a very nasty PND.
For DS2, he wouldn't settle away from me and I finally mastered BFing lying down, so we co-slept, and I used to get him to latch on and go back to sleep. I still alternated breasts so DS2 was either in the middle of the bed between DH and me or between me and a sort of bolster cushion that would keep him from rolling off. We did that for 2 months then he managed to sleep in a cot in our room. But he is suffering from separation anxiety at the moment so we are doing a lot of co-sleeping again for naps.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/03/2012 08:00

Chipmonkey I am so sorry

Organiccarrot - your posts on this thread have been brilliant. Informative, sensitive. Just lovely

chipmonkey · 06/03/2012 23:15

organic, the doctors and nurses at the hospital where we finally gave up hope, kept repeating that we hadn't done anything wrong. And one lovely nurse said, "Now, stop that! She was with her Mammy!" when I was blaming myself for having her in the bed. I am glad in a way that we were snuggled up together when she slipped away but I do wonder whether maybe she forgot to breathe because she thought she was still inside me and had forgotten that she needed to breathe to live.

I did co-sleep with all the others, dd was my fifth. And they're all still here, including ds3 who was also prem. But if a baby dies, you live with what-ifs all your life.

MishiMoshi · 07/03/2012 07:16

Chipmonkey, I am so sorry

I think it's so easy to blame ourselves, whatever the circumstances. I had a stillbirth and still beat myself up about little things I did during pregnancy. I had counselling for a long time and try and concentrate on the fact that him dying when I was carrying him wouldn't have been the scary thing perhaps I was thinking it would be as he was with me. And perhaps it was just as gentle as falling asleep while feeling safe and loved and wanted, and just softly slipping away.

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