Why isn't he getting heavier?

[Squiglettsmummy2bx]

My ds was born 3rd of Feb, hospital said he weighed 3.735g however I always thought he was smaller. Day 6 midwife weighed him & he was 3.075g so got sent back to hospital for an overnight stay where his blood tests were all normal. I was told by a midwife that another baby had been brought to the ward as 9lb but she reweighed & was actually 7lb & after much discussion it was conceded that he was probably never 3.735g. They wanted me to top up with 58ml of formula every 3 hrs as I was ebf. I breast fed on demand & managed to get him to take about 20ml every couple of hours from a syringe. He gained 125g in 24 hrs & we were sent home. I tgenwent back to ebf on demand. We have about 12 wet nappies a day, 5 or 6 yellow poo ones. He is content, cries for food, eats then sleeps. Has 3 or 4 periods of alert time for 15-30 mins a day. Feeds about every 1.5-2hrs. Skin fine etc. Reweighed at midwife yesterday day 25 & he is still 3.200kg so no gain since hospital release on day 8. Midwife said I have to give him 58ml every 3 hrs & have a gain by thursday or back to hospital. She threatened me with ss if I refused hospital even though I never said I wouldn't go. Told me to express the milk, no bf, when I said I don't get much when I express, only 1ml, told me that is all baby is getting then. Surely he would be dead if he was only getting 12ml a day? Definitely not doing all these wees poos etc? Feeling very stressed & tempted to give up bf but I don't want to so I am letting him bf anytime & giving him the 58ml every 3 hrs of formula. Why isn't he getting fat on my breastmilk? I feel like such a failure & a useless mum & am getting no rl support on this. I definitely have lots of milk as it leaks, if he hasn't fed for a bit I can squirt milk for miles etc.
Thank you in advance if you got this far & have any words of wisdom

I didn't want to just read and run but I'm afraid I'm not an expert, just another BF mum with an erratic weight gain in DD! Your midwife does sound a bit of a cow - id agree with you that the wet and dirty nappies mean he's getting lots of food. What percentile did he start off on? And which one is he on now?

I had a similar lack of weight gain in my DD. I am also not an expert but I am up! (Different time zone). I saw a breastfeeding counsellor and we did two main things.

Firstly they adjusted my positioning to improve the latch. Like you I was getting wet and dirty nappies so DD was getting something but the aim here was so she would feed more efficiently.

Secondly they got me to switch sides as soon as she stopped actively drinking - so instead of waiting for her to come off herself I would take her off and switch sides. And kept switching for as long as she kept feeding. I think that we usually did three "sides" (i.e. back the the first side after doing the second one) when we started this.

Those changes helped a lot and DD started putting on weight as soon as we made them. It might be worth seeing a breastfeeding counsellor or phoning one of the support groups to see if they have any ideas.

One other thought - does he bring much back up after a feed?

You are doing well to keep going so don't feel as if you are failing him. Hope that this helps.

Thank you both. Im going to go to the breastfeeding cafe tomorrow to speak to someone who knows about bf rather than the mw that I have seen who don't seem to have a clue. He has never been sick so whatever he is getting is staying in. I will try the side switching too. I'm willing to do anything.

The amount you express is no reflection of your supply which reinforces that your mw is rubbish and doesn't know what she is talking about. Def go to the bf cafe and discuss a plan of action with them.

If the MW thinks you are only making 12ml of milk a day - how the heck does she explain the wet nappies and poo? Where is that coming from - an alternative dimension???

Can you ask to speak to either the lead bfing MW or the Infant Feeding Co-ordinator at the hospital and ask for their input? Obv. as well as going and seeing a bfing counsellor/IBCLC (I don't know who runs your Cafe).

Expressing is NOT indicative of supply it is indicative of how well your body responds to that particular pump at that particular point in time.

If you are feeding 12+ times a day (and baby is feeding effectively - ask the BFing MW/IFC/BFC/IBCLC to verify this through observing a FULL feed [start to finish not just a 'Latch looks fine to me' type of 'assesment'].

Also, are they naked weighs on a calibrated scale (ask when it was last calibrated), on a hard flat surface?

Definitely get to the breastfeeding cafe and get them to check the latch and observe a full feed. , check for Tongue tie etc. I'm sorry the midwife is being so unhelpful - the advice to express rather than breast feed sounds bonkers to me as it won't be good for your supply or get enough into the baby, although expressing as well and supplementing with expressed milk may be helpful.

There are breastfeeding experts on the board and in real life who can give you good advice. Meanwhile as I've been there with a baby not gaining weight (sickness in his case) I know how worrying and stressful it is and how much you need support and recognition that you are doing your very best for your baby. Please don't despair and don't take the unsupportive midwife's comments to heart - seek out a breastfeeding expert who will be able to give tailored advice to your situation and will also recognise what a good job you are doing and how hard you are working.

You are not a bad mother. Thats shocking that you feel like that. sounds like you are persevering and have come on here for support too- well done!

Agree with other posters- expressing isn't indication of what baby gets etc.

Def go to bf cafe- it was invaluable support for me.

Have you tried hand expressing? I found this more effective than a pump in the early days. Got far more out and squeezed in to a sterile bottle lid.

Lots of skin to skin and feed from both sides as others have said

Let us know how you get on

Massive sympathies, not an expert either, but I have new baby of roughly same age and have been going through same problems. Do go to your group, but also do use one of the helplines sooner rather than later - they are brilliant for a bit of help and motivation when you are stuck at home. It's so good to hear some positive voices, especially when being put under stress by healthcare teams. I've been there, managed to get discharged by a more sympathetic midwife last week, when DS had regained a couple of hundred grammes. I'm not intending to go to a health visitor clinic for a fortnight until we've got it back on track and he's found his level.

Agree with the others that the expressing advice and diagnosis is absolute nonsense. I had trouble expressing much more than 20ml in a session, so had to give in to a few formula top ups to get us out of the stressful surveillance zone. Not suggesting you have to do this, but personally I'm finding a way back from it, now my supply is improving and I have more support.

Keep posting, I'm sure there are plenty going through similar or with words of encouragement.

Thank you all. Have been to bf cafe & got lots of help & advice. Currently giving top ups but they are getting less & hopefully weight gain will continue. Staying well away from idiot midwife though

Squig, you have had truly awful help and support - quite disgracefu :( :(

The amount of topups alone required indicates the maternity unit are woefully under-trained.

Glad you are getting good help now, but when you feel more confident things are going well, write your story down, together with your feelings about it, and send it to the director of midwifery and the infant feeding coordinator - they need to know what bad stuff is happening on their patch :(