Over and out

[Echocave]

ive posted a few times here about my breast feeding problems. Dd is now 15 weeks old and I'm giving up. It's got to the stage where she will feed for a short while and cry bitterly if I try to re-latch her (after winding etc).

I have had so much hands on help and advice, employed various tactics even a nanny helping me and great advice here -and I can't even position my baby because she cries and struggles so much.

I just can't take any more. I hate the idea of pure formula feeding, it makes me very depressed. But I can't bond with my dd properly, she wriggles away from me even when not in a feeding position and I have frequently cried when feeding has gone wrong. I've given myself another blocked duct through over zealous use of the pump because I'm so desperate to maintain my supply and ensure her top up is all breast milk. But honestly, I feel utterly rejected by her and totally miserable.
Anyone in the world can bottle feed her. I feel like I can't ever get over how let down and sad I feel. I'm afraid I feel dd has let me down too. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.To anyone else in a similar position you really have my sympathy and I hope you don't have the awful feelings which I do.

I won't post again but wan

I know how you feel - it's really hard not to feel rejected when your baby doesn't want to breastfeed. My DS never seemed happy on the breast and I stopped trying to force it when he was 8 weeks, so you've already lasted longer than we did! I felt so terrible about not being able to breastfeed him 'properly' that it made me feel guilty and then angry whenever I looked at him, even though I rationally knew he wasn't doing it on purpose. The hormones really mess your brain up and have a lot to answer for at this stage IMHO.

Feeding your baby is important, but so is (are?) all the love and cuddles which I'm sure you routinely bestow upon her. My DS has been exclusively FF since he was 8 weeks old (now 8mo) and we do have a special mummy-baby bond despite the fact that he surely can't remember breastfeeding. There is far, far more to being a mum than BF and you and your DD will do all that stuff together. Try your best to look forward to that and not to feel bad about the current situation (easier said than done I know). Hope that helps :)

echo, so sad for you :(

There's a lot in your post that makes me think now would be a good time for you to see further help, not with bf, but with your emotional/relationship/rejection feelings. You may be lucky enough to live in an area with an infant mental health service - your HV would know. Therapists take feelings of rejection very seriously, and help you and your baby get through this hard time. It's horrible for you to feel rejected, and your baby will be aware on some level of your difficulties - but you can both heal and reach happiness and comfort with each other (and that's more important than how your baby is fed).

I'm sure you've thought of this already, but would you feel better if you kept expressing enough to give her one or breast milk bottle feeds a day? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with exclusively FF by the way, just that it might ease the guilt if they were getting some breastmilk.

echo My baby would never latch and although we were kept in hospital I never got any support that was consistent and had to give up. At the time I was racked with guilt. Why didn't baby want my milk? Am I a bad mum for FF? Will my baby suffer? Etc.

Now I realise that a lot of BF is about us as the mum and we pile so much pressure on ourselves it's unreal. I think my LO just didn't suit BF and is happy as larry on formula. She will be 3 months tomorrow She is smiley and healthy without a single worry. Although I was worried for a short time it would affect our relationship I found that it made our bond stronger because I tried harder. Lots of skin to skin helped with this.

Although BF is the best option it isn't the only option for a good reason. Don't beat yourself up for stopping (I won't say "giving up" as I think this has negative assertions and implies your doing something wrong), congratulate yourself on being able to BF to this point. Your baby loves you no matter how you feed them xx

Just noticed you said anyone in the world can bottle feed her, you'd be surprised that this isn't true. Although occasionally someone else will do it well they won't do it as well as you, you get to know there little habits and rhythm etc. also LO loves to stare at your face when being bottle fed x

echocave I really feel for you, I have been where you are and know how horribly it hurts so the only thing I can say is this: No matter by whom or how your baby feeds, you are her mummy and nobody in the world will ever compare to you; the next few months, when you will enjoy your little baby growing, crawling, playing and smiling at you will make a difference to how you feel and should help you see just how hugely special you are to her. Nobody takes the role of our mum - and I say that as a mum to two and, more importantly, the daughter of one who never ever breastfed. As passionate as I feel about breastfeeding, I know full well how she loves me and how I love her, and she never even tried it! Please take care of yourself xx