Right now I feel like I'm bring cruel in continuing to feed my toddler. Could anyone please help me work out where to go from here?

[ohbugrit]

She's 17 months and a confirmed boob addict. She's had a run of teething and illness since November. She's slept through around 5 times ever. A good night involves 2 wakings and quick feeds. A bad night involves millions of wakings and feeds which can last several hours. My coccyx is sore from sitting in an armchair all night (she won't settle in our bed). She will scream and tantrum if I get too sore and stop the feed. Her crying is waking her brother.

DH can settle her in a blink, unless she's very unwell or sore with her teeth. But he works shifts so is often away at night. He could take time off to let me wean her but I know deep down that she is like this because she relies heavily on the breast for comfort and taking it away seems harsh. DS was allowed to self wean and I hoped for her to be able to do that too. I know I will feel guilty if I try to stop.

She can also self-settle to sleep but only when she's well and comfy which is about 10% of the time.

WWYD? :(

I'd night wean.

Because I am mean and selfish and like sleeping.

But how

You can cold turkey, Jay Gordon (google it), or No Cry Sleep Solution techniques for night weaning. I used Jay Gordin with pretty good effect.

I did a milk curfew at first, so no boobage between 12am and 5am. BBaby Goo was only little (about 6MO) and I didn't think she could go all the night without, even though I'm sure she really could have.

I lengthened the hours where milk was not available. We had a setback over a combination of teeth and a wafer-thin-walled holiday flat. When I tried again I just did dreamfeed then nothing until breakfast.

Do it over a weekend when your DH can help, and wear your bra to bed, jamas, whatever, don't let them near your nekkid nips.

Just shushed and patted and sang and other methods of getting the baby to sleep.

Yes, she was cross, and she didn't like it, and it kept me awake for hours when if I whipped my boob out I'd have been back to sleep in 10 mins. But I was in it for the long game.

After 3 days she gave up getting up. I risked dropping the dreamfeed after a while and it was fine. She was about 11MO by then.

Obviously I kept waking up out of habit for ages after, and had to keep checking she was alive, but now I get to go to bed and go to sleep :)

We used Jay Gordon with both of our 2 at around 13 months. Ds2 stopped bfing full stop at 21 months, ds1 at 2 years; with both of them that was their choice, even if the night-weaning hadn't been.

i have also night weaned 14 month old dd, she hated it, but i feel if i'm there singing and offering water etc then she is at least not being just left she'll be fine, i also think she's angry rather than upset!! i did try the no cry sleep solution but i always forgot how many minutes i was supposed to be doing and she'd cry anyway when i stopped her before she wanted me to so i thought it was worth just stopping. it has been just over a week and i think we're getting there

why do you feel cruel?
you're giving her the best start in life and comforting her in a way that no-one else can.
that isn't cruel!

i can understand why you want to cut down, or nightwean, but really I think you're being harsh on yourself!
if she settles really well for your DH, and you want to nightwean then I think it would be an excellent idea to do it while he has some time off.
If she isn't happy with that she'll let you know!

it isn't harsh, and you aren't taking it away. you're using a different form of comfort, which she is also happy with (if she wasn't you'd know about it)... and that's ok!

I often wake up to find my nearly 3 year old in bed with me. He helps himself during the night and I have encouraged him not to wake me. Tis wonderful.

Why is it cruel to carry on?

Thanks all :)

I feel cruel because I just can't go on as this is. So I find myself feeding for a bit then having an almighty screaming tantrum to deal with because my boobs hurt and she wants to keep sucking. And all these teeth coming through, she just wants me. At least DS got to a stage where he helped himself in the night. DD just lurches around in our bed and wants to play.

I think 5 years of surviving on fragments of a couple of hours sleep here and there have screwed my ability to reason.

And tonight she's spent 40 minutes screaming at DH despite Nurofen. I've had to take over and feed her.

Everything feels impossible just now :(

maybe you could do a combined approach?

DH settles her, but if she is very upset then you feed?
If nothing else it may at least cut down on the frequency of night feeds and you can then work from there?

I think you're right. I'm crap at staying out of it when she is upset.

I used Dr Jay's method to nightwear DS. Tried at 15months -disaster, SI gave it up as a bad job and tried again at 18 months, which was a pleasure. Just one night and that was it. He sometimes still tries his luck (26 months) but is generally good.

However he still does not sleep through

Agree with thisis - if your DH can settle her, then the next time he has some time off, get him to night wean her.