HV just told me to night wean 8 mo

[QueenKong]

I'm so bloody annoyed. I only went to get DS weighed, I didn't need a lecture about his sleeping habits. She said at 8 months old, most babies are sleeping through and that by continuing to feed him at night I am preventing him from becoming independent. I didn't even tell her we were co-sleeping!

I got all ballsy (unusual for me) and said that feeding him at night wasn't bothering me so I'm going to continue. Now I'm home, I'm
starting to doubt myself.

Argh. It's not true is it? Poor little one is cutting his top 2 teeth at the moment and
looking for comfort (boob) fairly frequently.

I did cry it out with DD1 when she was 7m old on the HV insistence (I had severe PND-OCD and felt I had to do what she said or else...).

I was promised 1 or 2 but no more than 3 nights of crying and then she would sleep though and would go to sleep in the evening easily.

It was 7 MONTHS of DD1 crying before going to sleep and we went in at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10mins and then stuck at 10mins not going any longer than that. I have no idea why we stuck it out so long (aside from me being terrified of not following the HV's 'orders') and I gained so much weight as I ate to drown out her screams of distress. It did get easier but we went in for at least 10 or more 'visits' to 'comfort' her (no cuddling, just telling her it was time to sleep or silence) until about 6m and then she did just give up a bit and it took less and less time before she gave up.

We nightweaned DD1 when she was 12m and that was so easy compared to trying to get her to go to sleep/stay asleep as she readily accepted DH and a beaker of water over crying alone in her cot.

If I could go back in time that is the one thing I would really change about my parenting, I felt so disconnected from DD1 and it was so at odds with how we parented the rest of the time - bf on demand, sling, cuddles, baby massage/skin to skin, responsive, etc that I have no idea how DD1 coped with such a withdrawal from us.

Needless to say DD2 and DD3 have not been subjected to that sort of treatment.

DS stopped night feeds at 18m of his own accord. He is incredibly independant, and a fantastic sleeper - since that point, he goes to sleep on his own at 7, and appears at 7 the next morning come hell or high water (or indeed firework displays outside the house).

Unless night feeds bother you, I wouldn't worry

I'm sorry, but of course a baby will learn to fall asleep without you, at some point. Maybe not at 6 or 12 months but they will.

I weaned about 8/9 months. Not following any plan, it just sort of happened naturally?

With regard HV, and I WISH someone had said this to me - he/she is your baby, you know whats right.

My little one is my one and only, but had I been able to do it again, I think I would have more of an attitude with HV of - take what you want but leave the rest if that makes sense. They are afterall only human like the rest of us.

I believe it will just happen too. DD was ebf and slept through from a very young age of 2mo and lasted till 6mo. We didn't do anything and it just happens. Teething, sleep regression and recently night terrors have affected her sleep a lot since 6mo and I always respond when cries. I know she will go back to sleeping through when she is ready.

I have to disagree that cutting feed to sleep will make them sleep through. Or that if you rock only they will stop waking up. Every baby is different. Mine was never the fed to sleep type. She wouldn't take a boob if she wasn't hungry when she wakes at night. I do pat her back if that can settle her before I resort to rocking. None of this stops her waking up at all. On a bad night I've had her waking up every 2 hours for a cuddle.

Oh and I forgot her night gymnastics just per-crawling. And her singing at night. She just keeps everyone up, obviously not wanting a feed.

DS is fully night weaned and us not fed to sleep. He still wakes at least 3 times a night. At least. And is up for the day between 5 and 5:30m.

Yes, I was going to add that night weaning does not magically mean that your child will sleep through the night. DD1 was night weaned at around 19 mo when I first became pregnant with DD2. She still woke up just as much, but it took longer to get back to sleep because we didn't get the sleep hormones that you get from BF.

OP, you sound like you are doing a great job and I'm sorry the HV made you question yourself. Good on you for sticking to your guns.

We night weaned very easily. When DD was obviously just comfort suckling for a minute or two in the night, rather than fully feeding, we offered water instead of breastmilk. She woke once for a drink of water for a few weeks, we just kept a non-drippy sippy cup next to the bed and gave her that. I can't remember how old she was but it was around 10-12 months.

OP, I also have an 8-month old who is bf and co-sleeping. I have no intention of night-weaning yet. If she's still waking when my return to work draws near (end of May) then I might consider it. But right now, I wake briefly, latch on, fall sleep. That seems to me much easier and better for everyone than waking, trying to comfort her without a feed and getting very little sleep- with no guarantee that she'll sleep better at the end of it.

I just posted about HV's and night weaning on another thread. I regularly hear the HV at my BF group that babies don't need to feed in the night after 6 months. My DD is 8 months and still wakes for one or two feeds at night. She is teething at the moment though, but I suspect she'd wake for feed regardless. I have no plans to night wean any time soon. I don't deny a full night's sleep would be great, but I am baby led and expect to fit in with what my baby needs, not her to fit in with what I need. Plus, it's much easier in the short term to just do whatever she needs. I don't foresee any problems because of that. CC or any other crying, is just not for me.

Solihull method isn't CC. It's gradual withdrawal from the room. I read dd a story put her to bed, shh pat and every time she gets up I give her cuddle to calm her then out her down and shh pat. When she learns to self settle without getting upset I'll just sit with her, then gradually move the chair further out the room.

HappyCamel upon googling the only references I've found to the "Solihull method" say that it is CC

"Last Friday, the xxxxxx household implemented sleep training. Not just any old sleep training, but the Solihull Method.

Espoused by our excellent Health Visitor, this method is simply controlled crying. Where it differs from any of the hundreds of other sleep training methods out there, is that instead of focussing on what you need to do with your child, it concentrates on supporting the parent/carer through the implementation of the training." (My emphasis)

I offered a BF to my DS until just short of 2 years. Almost killed me, but he is strong and healthy, and a great sleeper. Your HV doesn't know enough about the nature of a BFing relationship. Trust your instinct.

DD stopped have one feed at night when she was around 2years old. I found it easy to just feed and back off to sleep, she natrualy stop but still sometimes woke for water after this.

I actualy think it's a bit mean to make a small person go 12hours plus over night without a drink. I certainly don't and sometimes I wake for a drink in the night espicaly if it's hot. So why should I make my child. I think sometime's we forget that baby's can need as much parrenting at night as they do during the day, espicaly if ill, teething or having night terrors. Your a parent 24/7 not only during the day.

Disclamer I know some baby's naterialy do sleep through that's fine.

I got told to stop feeding at night by a HV on Wednesday and that this would make her eat more solids. She's recently been waking every 3 hours, sometimes more frequently and I really need a stretch of 4 hours to feel human. DD has slept through on occasion so I know she can do it but I thought the HV advice of a last suppertime feed and nothing til morning was a bit harsh and risked me getting blocked ducts or mastitus. So I've ignored the advice and instead am feeding her when she wakes before midnight, then after midnight DH goes in to settle her. If he doesn't have any success I'll feed. Hopefully using feeding as a last, rather than first, resort for night wakings might reduce the number of feeds without too many tears. She did have a good run of sleep a couple of weeks back. I think the key then was plenty of solid food and good daytime naps and I'm trying to get back there.

I didn't night wean DS until 20 months. Not that it made a jot of difference to night waking as he just started waking and asking for a drink of water at 3am instead.

I'm still night feeding at 15 months. She's totally different to DD1 though Si not sure how this will pan out. She's in a cot in her own room.

Solihull is a parenting program from birth to 5 years.
It is not just a sleep program
Often used with vulnerable families