10 weeks in - time to give up?

[Iggly]

I'm getting increasingly desperate and despondent about DD's BF issues that i want to stop. However we've got a history of reflux and dairy intolerance in our family (DS has it too), that I don't dare switch to FF.

DD suffers from terrible wind. It's fucking ridiculous. I think the biggest problem is an overactive letdown so she just Will Not Latch properly. I've been to a bf group and had a lactation consultant over to help. I know how she should latch on but as soon as she does, she slips back. Takes down loads of air then bam unsettled for ages.

She also has a Tongue tie. Bf group and LC weren't sure if it affected her feeding because it seems that she can extend it but given my letdown and oversupply, she doesn't need to as milk is not hard to come by. So I'm at a complete loss as to whether to get it snipped.

DD reacts to things in my diet. After I'd had chilli, she spent the early hours of the morning dry heaving and crying. Same with soy. Dairy, very windy.

Every night is spent wrestling with her between the hours of 1 and 6am as she wriggles, roots for milk, burps, farts (incredibly long loud ones) etc etc. He wakes every 90 mins, sometimes every 20 mins wanting a feed. Which she cannot stay still for let alone latch properly for, takes down shit loads of air and so it begins again.

Her latest thing is clamping down on my nipple and bending/twisting her head with nipple in mouth. She also rejected one boob for a bit - lord knows why. My right boob (her favourite) - the nipple feels bruised and battered the last couple of days from DD pulling etc etc.

I has no nipple pain when DD started feeding so didn't realise anything was up. She cried from birth, cried after latching on for the first time, never seemed satisfied (couldn't put her down in the hospital).

She always always is unsettled after every single feed without fail. She always takes down air.

I dont know what to do anymore. I don't get any sleep from 1am and I have a 2 year old so day sleep is not an option. I've cut things from my diet, I try every feed to latch her properly, I wind, she's on reflux meds. I've sought practical help... And it's just getting worse.

I don't expect anyone will have a magic answer - the LC didn't seem to know where to begin although help with the latch was useful to get so I know what to aim for. I don't know whether to get DS's tie snipped because no-one cam tell me if it's the problem. I worry that if I do and it doesn't work, I'll be gutted.

At this rate I'm hurtling towards PND if I havent got it already. I find myself dreading every feed and not wanting to feed DD as my boobs are doing so much harm. FF seems like the answer but I know DD will react to it and I'll have to fight for hypo allergenic stuff. After weeks of running between the GP, LC and bf group I don't have the energy for the fight.

Thanks for listening.

You poor thing! Sounds awful - very similar to my dd although tt didn't seem to be an issue for her. I have huge sympathy, sounds like you are doing an amazing job and keeping calm about it which is a lot more than I managed! The only thing that worked for me was feeding her while standing up and rocking/bouncing to calm her down and make her drowsy. Rather impractical though - I felt like a complete prat the whole time.

so difficult with a toddler to deal with as well - look after yourself and try not to feel guilty about whatever you decide/ whatever gets you through this bit. If its any help my dd is now thriving and eats anything i put in front of her - this too shall pass.

Iggly, some good suggestions here.....and I would agree that it's possible that TT, if your DD has one, may be contributing to this...but that a generous supply/fast letdown can create challenges on its own. You also mention reflux meds and family history of dairy intolerance......

It's worth noting that being able to stick the tongue out is only one aspect of being able to assess the impact of a TT - some babies with TT can do this when their mouth is open a little, but can't when their mouth is open wide, ie in the position they would use for feeding.

I would suggest seeking out RL help from someone knowledgeable about TT: Milk Matters is a good place to start, Lactation Consultants of GB also list practitioners who are able to assess and divide a tie.

Have also pm'd you.

Another one posting here just to offer some morale support! MY DD had awful reflu, wind, gagging, choking, weeping issues after feeds. She was 12 weeks prem so had quite a bit of formula when she was tube fed in hospital but is now BF only, however she has never been as easy to feed as her brother. She too had a tongue tie and a top lip tie, we've had the tongue one cut but tbh there's not been a significant difference from that.
We found the one thing that really helped us turn a corner was totally omitting dairy. It has to be very very strict and you won't see a change for at least 2 weeks or so but keep going or there's no point, and I've omitted soya too. It can be mind boggling knowing where to start, so apologies if you're already well established, but here's what I eat: spread, vitalite dairy free (as its also soy free), milk to drink Provamel fortified rice milk, milk to cook with Oatly oat milk, tea I take black, Sainsbury's free from does the best range of cakes, particularly their scrummy chocolate brownies, and Montezuma choc (online) is soy and dairy free. That's the important stuff covered, I also take a pregnacare bfing supplement to boost my calcium and we tend to eat a lot of meat cuts with spuds and veg, or tomato sauces for pasta. It's simple food and I'd kill for a dairy milk or cheese cake or pizza, but I wouldn't trade it for the sleep we get now and the improvement to all of our lives. She doesn't much like curries or sweetcorn either!
THrough doing this we DD and seeing what a different child she is, and how symptoms return with avengence when some slips through we now know DS was intolerant too, but in his case no HV believed he could have issues as he was such a whopper, so he puked, wept and didn't sleep for the first year of his life. Am so sad that as a first timer I knew no better when I see what a profound difference its made for DD. Wishing you the best of luck.

Poppet - just an FYI Pregnacare doesn't have calcium in it, you have to take their Oesteocare supplement as well to get calcium (unless there is a different one from the one I bought!). Might want to check the pack as I just assumed it would have calcium in it and I now take a Vit D & calcium supplement from the poundshop as well

I really feel for you-I had a terrible time too but I didn't last anywhere near as long as you. If you find a formula that will work and you decide to go down that route please don't feel guilty about it. (I felt terrible for ages and am only now ok with myself and my decision-and I'm annoyed I felt guilty for so long!) You've done an amazing job already and the important thing is she eats and sleeps and you eat and sleep-if for those to happen requires formula then so be it, and equally if you find another solution then great. But don't carry on like this indefinitely-you're right that you could get depressed.

truthsweet, poppet this is the pregnacare I take link. It says it's 700mg calcium and that's 88% RDA. I think that would be ok as the oat milk is fortified with calcium isn't it? (I'm lucky DD has no intolerance so I'm not dairy free).

Thanks for clarifying OneLittle - the Pregnacare I've got (TTC/pg/bfing generic one) has no calcium in it which I was shocked by but I'm glad the bfing one does.

Just thought I'd update the thread after all the lovely support and advice. Still BF and today I had dd's tie snipped after the LC had a good look and concluded it was 80% tied

So we'll be learning how to latch properly again (DD looked most confused when first feeding after it was done but it felt so much different). Hopefully this means things will be on the up!

That's great news Iggly- let's hope things get a bit easier for you now.

Just wanted to say well done, it's so hard when there doesn't seem to be an obvious way forward to improve things, you've done so well to get this far. Really hope the tt snip helps. We are in a similar situation to you, had 6 week old dd's tt snipped yesterday so just waiting to see if it makes a difference. Like you, am so tempted to switch to bottles cos of sore nipples but not convinced it will make life any easier! Will be thinking of you! Keep us updated!

Great news iggly, hope things continue to improve

Thanks for coming back to update us

Brilliant news!!!

DD also had latch issues which meant 9 weeks of really painful nipples, but when I realised what the problem was and was shown how to re-latch within 2 weeks we had completely pain free bf so it's worth persevering!

I could have written this post. My daughter was exactly the same...minus the tongue tie. Oversupply is the worst!

What has helped has been:
-feeding super reclined
-'farting' the baby by bringing her knees to her tummy, to ease discomfort
-trying to feed her before she screams for it, when she just wakes up and is very relaxed

I was ready to give up too. SO frustrated! Baby never seemed happy. I was depressed! However, I stuck with it and I just want to tell you some positive hope...she is soooooooo much better now (15 weeks). She even falls asleep at the breast once in a while, which I never thought would be possible! She is still not the easiest to feed, but at about 13 weeks she improved just so much. I really think their gut improves, and the older baby seems more able to cope with the fast flow. Its like we have finally adjusted to each other..
good luck!