How to advise someone who'se been given crap info

[rainbowinthesky]

My sil has just had a baby and my mum, who is there to help, has just told me she is struggling to make meals for her. She was told in hospital that she cannot have any sort of spicy foods, no tomatoes, no flavouring etc including stock cubes, nothing like sausages, limited fruit although can eat bananas.

Now I know this is crap advice but I also remember being vulnerable at this stage and taking what the "professionals" say as gospel for my first child and would no way take the word of a mil over a nurse.

Is there any way my mother can, without offending, tell her this is crap and she can eat what she likes?

I dont know her at all and there are very far away so it wouldnt be an option for me as sil to suddenly phone up to give bf advice.

Why has she been given this advice though? Has she had some sort of health problem? It sounds completely bizarre, and I can't imagine that her own GP or HVs or midwives would endorse it. All the advice is to eat as wide a range of foods as possible so that the baby gets a wide range of flavours.

You probably couldn't talk directly to SIL but how about a word with your brother? My DH was very surprised recently by the extent to which his sister was willing to take his advice (she's expecting her first and we already have two).

No, it just relates to breastfeeding. I am hoping that when she gets a visit from the mw she gets told it's rubbish. When my brother had a child a few years ago and I gave advice over the phone it wasnt acted upon and she stopped breastfeeding. Advice was just to phone NCT counsellor.
I am very wary of sticking my beak in plus she does have bottles in the fridge on standby so may not even want to bf.
My brother knows where to get help if he wanted to.

I'm not sure if this would be undermining but does your SIL have a favorite dish. Something she really loves to eat? Maybe make it for her and just give it to her? Or is she someone who likes bland food anyway?
I do know i had pretty calm food for the first few days but that was more about not wanting first post childbirth poo to have added burning factor.
\here is some info from kellymom

How very bizarre

Is this a UK hospital?

Is there another midwife that this ' info' could be checked with- perhaps ask them how they think these flavourings are going to get in to the breastmilk and what effect they are going to have on the baby.

They are hundreds of miles away so not really possible to drop in. My mother has just texted me to ask for phone number of NCT so I gave it to her with the advice that they might not want it so only give if they ask.

It is a UK hosptial.

Hi rainbow

sorry to hear she's been told such a load of rubbish.

It can be really hard to 'advise' anyone about anything when they've just had a baby (or indeed at any point in their lives).

What I might do is say something like: "I thought you might find this information from NHS Choices useful www.nhs.uk/Planners/breastfeeding/Pages/breastfeeding-diet.aspx . Sometimes MWs don't have the most up-to-date information on breastfeeding and some people find it helpful to have a look at the latest official guidelines. The good news is, according to these official guidelines you can eat as normal."

While I actually find the NHS choices page a bit too cautious for my liking, having the 'NHS' stamp makes it nice and official which hopefully she'll find reassuring.

Could Kellymom maybe help alongside that NHS website? Everything she says is linked to research and people's qualifications are clearly specified,so it also looks quite 'official' if your SIL is scared to overrule the mad midwife. You could try this.

FWIW, I had a HV say this at an NHS breastfeeding antenatal class. No tomato, no onion, no spicy food. Luckily I knew she was spouting abject shit and ignored her for the rest of the session.

Just spoken to my mother. SIL did take the NCT number quite happily. She was also told to give a bottle if baby still was hungry after a feed but she has read on the web not to do this and so far has resisted doing so.
My mum is going to see if she will look up kellymom as she is looking at stuff on the web.

Wouldnt it be great if you could get correct advice from midwives rather than googling it?

Trying Kellymom sounds great. The link I had posted had a million FAQs, including things like spicy food.

Could your mother also tactfully point out that, if the hospitals advice on supplementing was duff, it might also be duff on diet?

She was also told that she should only feed every 3 hours and she argued back that she felt she couldnt leave the baby to cry. Thankfully she seems to be ignoring advice but I only hope she succeeds as it's such early days and without proper advice and support we all know what happens. She does want to bf as well.

Yes, I told my mum that whoever has told her to give a bottle after a feed clearly lacks knowledge and anything they say is probably wrong.

Interestingly some babies do react if mum has had certain foods. I avoid chilli, dairy and soy. But I wouldn't avoid them as a matter of course from day 1 - only if you suspect a reaction.

God, this hospital sounds out of the ark.

When can she get home?

She only came home yesterday. No bad reactions at all from baby. She was told this advice from day 1. My youngest is 8 and although I was told some crap at that time I too thought hospitals had moved on.