latching - why is this so hard? arghhh

[KDK12]

16 days in and i'm tearing my hair out - i've seen breastfeeding counsellors, watched videos, seen diagrams and read so much about it my head is spinning. but try (and try and try!) as i might, i can't get a good, wide latch. my baby constantly falls asleep at the breast. he's still jaundiced and only poos every 2-5 days.

i'm so, so anxious and paranoid that he's not eating enough. i'm seeing the health visitor on monday and a midwife on wednesday, but no matter how many times i get shown, once i'm on my own i just can't do it! why am i finding this so hard? i feel utterly desperate :(

It's blooming hard isn't it. Have you tried biological nurturing aka laid back nursing? You recline in a comfy position with your top off, plonk baby on your chest and they hopefully latch on themselves. There is info you can google - can't link I'm afraid. It worked for me after a really rough start to BFing. I had a CS and found latching and positioning very difficult but with this approach baby does all the work! Of course you remove your baby if you are in pain or they have latched wrongly. Good luck, there is every chance you'll be on track soon.

Have a bath with him and feed him. Also to get him to open his mouth, show him by opening your mouth wide and asking him to do the same. Sounds very woo (!), but they really do copy you.
I am a little worried about lack of poo - can you express, even bit and get him to drink that from a cup or a syringe? Is he weeing enough ?

You can also try expressing a bit of milk just before a feed to soften the breast so it isn't so full- this can help with the latching as it isn't so hard to get his little mouth around it. Then squeeze the breast (thumb on the top, fingers underneath the breast) and bring the baby to the breast- not the breast to the baby.
Having a little expressed milk also means you can give him the milk in a spoon or syringe if he doesn't end up with a good latch.
You are both learning and it is hard. I second the laid back approach and the opening your mouth too- worked for me.
the fact that you are still trying means you're already doing a great job :)

Has the baby been checked for tongue tie?

Good advice above, I always found that the latch was much better during/after a bath.

falling asleep on the breast is normal at this age- you can try tickling his cheek or feet, or taking a layer of his clothing off to keep him awake as well.

What is different when they are showing you? What makes you think it's wrong when you are on your own?

My advice is go to bed, spend the day or a couple having lovely cuddles and skin to skin and relax.

thanks all, there's a few things to try there. i'll try and have a bath wirh him tomorrow morning - part of the problem is finding time to concentrate on feeding the baby as i already have a 16 month old tearing the place up

the mouth opening thing - his eyes are pretty much always shut, but i'll try it!

i've been trying to express a couple of times a day, just to keep my supply up. i haven't managed more than 40ml though, it really doesn't seem like there's a lot there? that's after feeding though.

he hasn't been checked for tongue tie, nobody's mentioned that.

he seems to have plenty of wet nappies. i'm up now in bed with him and i can't seem to get him latched on at all, it's so stressful! i feel like i'm failing him. i just want to be able to feed my baby :(

Have you tried the exaggerated latch technique (also known as the flipple or the nipple flick?) forums.llli.org/showthread.php?64512-Flipple-Technique

I was having same issues but by learning this (plus getting the Tongue tie snipped) her latch is now much better. Plus sometimes their little mouths need time to grow.

Some people swear by cranial osteopathy to get babies to open mouths wider- may also be worth a punt.

40ml after feeding is great! (although may possibly be a sign he isn't emptying breast effectively?)

What is his weightgain like? (I amcurrently up feeding my 5week old who still isn't at birthweight due to Tongue tie and then a cough causing her to vomit most feeds up at mo :(
) you have my sympathies.

Hi, just wanted to say that poos are not an indication of how much breastfed babies are getting. My baby went 5-8 days between poos until recently, and that's just because we started her on solids.
The reason they don't poo is that you are providing great breast milk and there isn't as much wastage for their bodies to process as they are using every last ounce.

I was worried about a wide latch at first - my baby didn't seem to have one, but I popped into our local midwife unit, who got me to feed dd lying down on my side. Something I still do now.

I think all new bfeeding Mums worry about latch and milk production, but the only way to overcome this is to carry on bfeeding. Your baby is learning too :-)

thanks for the link suboptimum, i'll definitely give that a go. he was back up to his birth weight and a little bit over, after 2 weeks. it's not so much his weight but the jaundice and infrequent poos i'm concerned about. and it's so hard to feed him in the night! i don't want him to go 7 hours without a proper feed.

sounds like you guys had a crummy start - i hope things are looking up for you now, the vomiting thing must have been hard :(

i also hope you're getting some sleep! i'm still up, unfortunately.

cheers mumblemumm, everyone i've spoken to seems to be concerned about the lack of poos. apparently he should be doing 2-3 per day!

i fed my last baby for a year and bf exclusively for 6 months. he was very slow to gain weight and at the bottom of the percentile charts until he started on solids.

i suppose i'm a bit worried that it's going to happen again. i wish i was better at this!

Yes, he should be pooing more - they can go for days between poos when they are older NOT at only 16 days. You need to express and get some more milk into him. Hope you can get him to latch soon

It's so difficult isn't it? I have spent the last hour and 3/4 trying to feed my two week old. On/ off, on/off - nightmare.
The two things which help are -
stripping baby so she is not too cosy
rugby ball hold on the side where she is fussiest.
And chocolate. Lots and lots of night time chocolate.

it's the chocolate i'm doing wrong helium. a rookie mistake.

Tanterose - My dd went a week without a poo in the first couple of weeks, and I spoke to both a health visitor and a doctor about it, they both told me that this was perfectly normal for a breastfed baby, and that as long as there were plenty of wet nappies this was not something to be concerned about. My dd never pooed daily, and after the 3 month growth spurt seemed to go about 8 days as standard.

I just wanted to reassure op that wet nappies are more important.

Maybe go talk to a health visitor/doc if you are concerned - as they are better placed to be able to tell what is right.

You said he is still jaundiced, I found this made ds extra sleepy but bf is meant to help get rid of it so it is a catch 22. Has his jaundiced been checked out, is it reducing?

The flipple technique is dinettes tgat I had never heard of, funnily enough it is exactly what I do with ds as he never seemed to open wide enough. It's really important that you take him off and reattach if it's not right (as you know!)

I have an almost 4 yr old and ds is now 5 months so i understand how hard it can be. Do you get anytime just you and the baby?

his jaundice hasn't been checked out to the extent of him having blood taken, so i don't know if it's reducing but it doesn't seem to be getting worse.

my husband is still at home at the moment, but he goes back to work next week so it's going to be tricky to get time to focus on getting this right, but obviously i'll have to just keep persevering.

i'm seeing the health visitor on monday so i can talk to her then, hopefully she'll be able to help. the midwife i saw on wednesday got him latched on first time - i'm seeing her again, but not until thursday.

mumblemumm, thanks for that. it's so confusing, sometimes it seems like everybody is giving different advice and it makes it so hard to work out what's normal/what to do. it's reassuring to hear that this wasn't a problem for your daughter.