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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I want to give up breast feeding! Yes I know I'm being selfish

36 replies

BibBabBob · 24/01/2006 11:31

My DS is now 6 months and has been on 100% breastmilk. I've found the whole experience difficult- sometimes quite painful (I've had loads of conversations about how he's latching on and always been told that it looks fine) and tiring (he still needs a lot of feeding at night.) I'm due to go back to work soon and I'd like to give up breastfeeding. Problem is he won't take the bottle and doesn't seem too keen on the cup either. Should I go cold turkey and see what happens? Mean I know and I feel awful about a) giving it up and b) considering this option but not sure what else to do.

OP posts:

beejay · 24/01/2006 11:34

You're not selfish, you've done a great job feeding him for six months, despite the probs
Keep perservering with the bottles/cups, he'll get the hang of it eventually

Rhubarb · 24/01/2006 11:34

I gave up when dd was 4 months and when ds was 8 months. Mainly for selfish reasons, I wanted to drink again and I wanted to be able to go out without having the baby strapped to me all the time! I was never that good at expressing.

Have you tried expressing? You could halve one of your feeds, giving your ds the other half of expressed milk from a bottle, so that he gets the same taste. Keep trying with the bottle, he'll take it eventually, I wouldn't go cold turkey though, not fair on him and your boobs would probably explode! You need to give up gradually to lessen the risk of engorgement.

WigWamBam · 24/01/2006 11:35

If you are sure that you've had enough and you want to give up, then give up ... but promise yourself that you won't feel guilty about it. You've done really well to get to six months, considering that you have found it difficult and painful, and should really be patting yourself on the back rather than feeling that you are selfish.

Whether you go cold turkey is entirely up to you, and depends on whether you would like to mix-feed for a while or would prefer to finish and have done with it. He will take milk from a cup or a bottle if there's no other choice - he'll get used to it.

Good luck!

hunkermunker · 24/01/2006 11:43

Rhubarb, you can drink and bfeed (as long as someone tops your glass up for you ).

Sorry, just didn't want this myth perpetuated

BBB, 6 months is considerably longer than most babies in this country have - you've done a fantastic thing for your DS and if the time is right for you to stop, then stop.

Bugsy2 · 24/01/2006 11:50

You've done really well BBB. Do what is going to work for all of you - yourself included. Definitely don't feel awful about whatever decision you take. Your ds has had the best stuff in the world for him for six months. Have you tried one of the big, soft feeder teats (avent & boots make them)? This is really messy but some babies find it easier to go straight to these - less sucking involved than a bottle.
Just an idea - I'm no expert though. Others may have better suggestions.

JoolsToo · 24/01/2006 11:51

agree - well done! and don't feel guilty

helsi · 24/01/2006 11:54

don't feel guilty. you have given it a good go which is more than I do - i don't do BF at all. He will take the bottle eventually just keep persevering. good luck

suzywong · 24/01/2006 12:03

6 months is a good period of BFing, well done, you did your best and covered the really important period for your child's sake- move on to whatever makes you feel comfortable.

crunchie · 24/01/2006 12:24

BBB can you get your partner to feed bottle of expresseed milk? Some people find it is easier to get their partner to do it as the baby can't 'smell mummy'. Also giveing up doesn't mean you have to give up totally (although it might be best for you) I dropped feeds over a period of time so I just ended up with one when I got home from work. That was a lovely feed/cuddle when I first got in.

Highlander · 24/01/2006 12:39

In the UK, 6 months is a long time. Give up if you *really want to.

I started going out and getting pissed again when DS was 8 months. One night I came home, kissed him, threw up in the loo then BF him 3 times during the night.

We were both a bit grumpy the next day........

pootlepod · 24/01/2006 12:49

BBB, I had a similar situation when I gave up- dd had been quite happy to take EBM for ages and then we got out of the swing of it so when I really wanted to give up it was hard.

It is worth trying a few different formula milks, perhaps buy a few of the small ready made ones to see if he prefers one over another. Also get someone else to feed him. I was going to drop the morning feed first and then evening (was on 2 a day) but DD didn't want to know at either so went cold turkey. She wouldn't accept much from a bottle for about 2 weeks- we tried everything- different milks, different bottles, positions etc. Then she just took it!
I was uncomfortable for a while- I wore a tight bra, did the hot shower thing and after about 3 weeks hand expressed (for the first time ever- never managed it before) a little out of the most painful breast and it all subsided- generally at that point your body doesn't reproduce any more milk.

Good luck- and please don't feel guilty or that you have to justify your feelings.

Rhubarb · 24/01/2006 12:57

Hunker, I'm talking about going out with mates and getting drunk, not the occasional glass of wine. Alcohol does pass through to the breast-milk, albeit in small doses, and so does all the other chemicals that are in alcohol. I wouldn't b/f a baby if I was drunk. Not only for fear of passing on my hangover, but for fear of falling asleep on top of baby etc, not a very responsible thing to do in my book.

FrannytheQuinoaEater · 24/01/2006 12:58

First of all can I say that the alcohol issue is not just a myth as is often reported on MN. Hunker, drinking alcohol does have a negative effect on breastfeeding. You can do it, but whether you are wise to do it is anther matter. See here for instance.

BibBabBob, I don't think there's any problem with you deciding to stop if it's what you really want. You've done a great job as everyone has said and there's no rules about when to stop breastfeeding. However you do sound a bit conflicted. I wonder if the best solution all round would be if you could remove the problems that are stopping you from enjoying breastfeeding - ie the pain and the lack of sleep. I would consult a breastfeeding counsellor until you get the help you need for the pain as something is obviously not right there - how on earth have you stuck it for this long? And the other thing that occurs to me is that even if you wean him, there are no assurances that he will sleep through. I would try other methods of improving your night's sleep before weaning for this reason.

Whatever you choose, don't feel guilty for making an informed decision about what is bst for you and him. You are the only one who can say what is best.

hermykne · 24/01/2006 13:02

bibbabbob
i echo frannys thought
but also
how often are u feeding your ds in the day, could you go to just a morn and even feed for him and push him to a beaker for the day.

to stop breastfeeding u have to do it gradually anyway , i presue u know this, so oyu'll be dropping a feed every couple of days and so it oculd be ten/2wks before you completely cease.
this too depends on how often u are feeding him

let us know

harpsichordcarrier · 24/01/2006 13:05

I echo everyone here who says that you have done REALLY well
but just to add that bf does not have to be an all or nothing thing. you can still bf once or twice a day, or even not every day. your milk production will adjust. so you could stop feeding at night for example if you find this tiring. you can also feed from just one breast if that's easier.
good luck with your choices.

Lizzylou · 24/01/2006 13:07

Well done for making it to 6mths...I gave up at 6 1/2 mths, mainly due to the emergence of teeth but also, I confess to get my body back...sounds awful I know. I had 6mths in my mind as the magic time to stop.

Aloha · 24/01/2006 13:07

I don't think anyone is worried because their let down might be slightly reduced because they've had a glass of wine, they are terrified that the odd glass of wine will harm their baby, and there is no evidence for that. And my personal experience is that I am still able to end up with wet sheets even after a few glasses of wine!
BibBabBob, it's really difficult to give up breastfeeding when your baby hates the bottle! My dd is eleven months and I would love her to take some other milk sometimes with the aim of stopping gently in the next few months - by summer at least! But it's hard going. Good luck.

harpsichordcarrier · 24/01/2006 13:09

I must say that, IME, drinking a glass of wine increases the let down

MrsSpoon · 24/01/2006 13:13

If having a glass of wine when b/feeding I generally didn't start the glass of wine until baby latched on and feeding well, that helps eliminate the let down problems.

BBB, six months is fantastic.

FrannytheQuinoaEater · 24/01/2006 13:14

HC, did you read the link? Your breast feels more full after alcohol because of rises in prolactin levels.

FrannytheQuinoaEater · 24/01/2006 13:17

Aloha, that study found that the total milk released was less, not just a slower letdown. If your supply is plentiful then good for you, but many women have problems with supply and alcohol can exacerbate this.

harpsichordcarrier · 24/01/2006 14:22

no, it's not that franny
when I have expressed after a glass of wine the milk GUSHES out of me. A very strong let down, much stronger than usual. Suzywong on here (BFC I think) said that is not unusual

tiktok · 24/01/2006 14:26

Not a new finding, really, as far as I can tell....I think there is one other study at least which measures let down and amount released after drinking, using a pump to measure this, which of course as we know does not 'behave' the same as a baby. Babies may well manage to overcome the slight delay in let down, and the smaller amount of milk released.

I have never said it is a myth that alcohol affects bf, but it is true I am often on here pointing mothers in a direction that would make them understand they do not need to be concerned about the effects on the baby, and I don't think this study makes me think I am wrong to do this.

muma3 · 24/01/2006 14:27

you will get a better letdown reflex when relaxed so having a few glasses ont hurt but there has been more research and more passes to baby then previously thought . i say do what you feel is right for you. i drank a few times when breastfed but gave up selfishly to go out again.
6 months is something to be proud of well done !!

FrannytheQuinoaEater · 24/01/2006 17:37

Oh ok HC point taken then (you big hose norker you)

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