How do you replace the bedtime (bf) feed?

[Mimosa8]

Hi there, DS is almost 14 months old and I'm ready to wind down breastfeeding. He refuses bottles and has only just started to take a suspicious sip of milk from doidy cup (but only for a nano second and after the 50th try). I'm dropping the afternoon feed by giving him lots of yogurt and cheesy milk dishes for lunch, eg mac cheese, etc. I think it will be easy to drop the morning feed too, as this will be replaced by breakfast. Can I ask everyone who has managed to stop bfing,what do you do to replace the bedtime feed if they refuse bottles/cups?DS loves his bedtime bf and 99% of the time falls asleep. I can imagine getting a faceful of milk if I try to offer him a cup and lots of hysterical crying :-(
I know that most people drop the bedtime feed last, so what do you do to replace it? (fir those Bottle/ cup refusers)
Many thanks...

Well both of mine were bottle refusers but were older than your DS so that might make a difference with their understanding. For me, I just waited until DH would be around for a few nights and went out. Just made sure they both had plenty of milk and food that day and gave them some cows milk to drink in the bath. They never even missed it, but like a say they were older so may behave differently than your DS.

We're dropping the morning feed last, if that helps at all? It didn't suit us to get rid of that one, when it was the bedtime one causing fuss.

DD was 16mo when we started dropping that feed. I moved the bedtime feed forward to just after dinner, feeding downstairs on the sofa. DH did all bedtimes for about 9-10 days: Friday night to Sunday night the next week. I stayed in the house, but downstairs out of the way (I didn't want her thinking the only reason she wasn't getting the feed was because I was out, and that as soon I was in she'd get it again). Once she was going to bed without the bf with DH, we started to take it in turns. She asked for milk a couple of times, but wasn't that bothered when I said no.

After a few weeks, I started to distract her at home/dinner time so she didn't have the feed then either.

We're still doing morning BFs (she feeds really, really well first thing), she's 20mo now.

I didn't! Dd absolutely refused any other sort of milk, so I just made sure she had enough dairy during the day to compensate. We cut down to 2 feeds a day (morning & evening) by 10 months, then cut down to just one before bed at about a year old, before stopping altogether at 14 months. She's now 22 months, & has continued to gain weight as she should.

I changed the routine around first.

So BF downstairs, then upstairs for book, teeth brushed and cuddle. That way, he wasn't expecting a BF straight before sleep.

Then, when I stopped BF, I gave a sippy cup downstairs (he didn't drink much at first, but did in time), then upstairs for same routine of book, teeth brushed, cuddle.

Wow, that's all very helpful. I will try switching round the bedtime routine to phase the last feed out. Though easier said than done because It is so hard to get him to settle down without bf at bedtime, not to mention when he wakes up during the night! Thanks for all your replies!

I dropped the bed time feed as it wasn't making her fall asleep any more - she was playing the whole time (feet/hands in my mouth, standing up, trying to get her legs over my shoulders ). Plus, I'd not been there for a couple of bedtimes within a few weeks, and the times that she had to go to bed without milk, she didn't wake in the night either. If she fed at bedtime, she would wake.

So dropping the bedtime feed has done wonders all round actually. And since she wasn't having bf/sleep associations, she also started nap really well in the day, in her cot, which was a first.

Good luck!

It's not easy, but small, gradual steps have always worked in the sheep household. Good luck!

Can I ask, how DO you get your little ones to sleep without BF?

Just done it myself in the last 10 days - DS just turned 1 and also had refused to drink any kind of milk out of any kind of container.
1st night, I stayed very well hidden, and DH offered him cow's milk in a tommee tippee, but he played with it a bit but refused to drink it, so just put him to bed and he went to sleep. (The rest of his bedtime routine remained the same, and he has a dummy which I think helps).
2nd night, same again.
3rd night, he started to drink some of the milk.
1 week in and I put him to bed. He was a bit confused that I wasn't BFing him (IMO), but he went to sleep.
Now (10 days in), I can put him to bed no problem. Drinks 1.5 tommee tippee's worth of milk (which I think is about 250ml)

helloitsme our bedtime routine with DS is supper, up for bathtime, change into PJs, give him his milk, let him poddle about for a bit (while I deal with DDs), put him into his sleepbag, give him his dummy, lights out, sleep.

It did take time. We also did about 3 nights when he was 10 months old when we did night weaning and DH went in and cuddled him back to sleep / patted him back to sleep in his cot. Once we'd got the nighttime wakings sorted (i.e. no milk then), he kinda got used to going to sleep without his BF for his 6.30pm feed.

helloitsme - we had a rock solid system of bedtime cues (not quite a routine as the timings vary), then cuddles/back stroking to sleep. Minimal crying, as she was obviously ready for it.

We generally aim for her to be in bed about 45 after dinner. On a normal day, at home with no other distractions it approximately goes:
6-6.15pm Dinner
6.20-6.45pm Pootle around in living room for 10-15mins to let her food settle. Sometimes with toys, sometimes with Cbeebies
6.45-7pm Upstairs, brush teeth, PJs on, stories, into bed with raggy blanket and puppy toy, lights out. (this whole bit takes 15mins)
7.15-7.30 Asleep

While she was getting used to no bedtime milk, we did lots of cuddles instead. Over a few weeks, she needed less and less cuddle-time, and now she points at her cot half way through her story some nights.

We had the opposite experience to sheep - once she wasn't going to sleep with BF, she didn't wake in the night.

This is great:) I'm just about to stop the bedtime feed next week as ds will be 1 tomorrow. Looks like it will be bath, teeth brushed, milk from cup , which he drinks well already, then story time and cuddles from Daddy for a few nights with me out of sight. We will both miss bf so much but time for us both to move on! Good luck to everyone!

I stopped DS's bottle on his first birthday - I was a bit PFB and had heard that bottles after 1 could be bad for their teeth so I just stopped giving him a bedtime bottle - he cried for 20 mins, 15 mins, 5 mins respectively for 3 nights and then was fine on the 4th night.

Instead he had a drink of milk before his bath and the stories and cuddles. I know it was bottle rather than breast but you could try this? I kept the morning breastfeed though until he didn't want it at 19mo.

HTH!