9 month old more dependant on breast feeding than ever...

[Thatisnotitatall]

DH has suggested I go cold turkey and stop bfing at the weekend. DS seems to be bfing more and more the older he gets - demand bf, at least 12 feeds per 24 hours and more frequently at night than in the day. He won't settle without bf and won't settle without at least a token feed every single wake up (and he wakes roughly hourly).

He is my 3rd bf baby but only 1 of the other 2 still bf at this age, and she just had morning and evening with formula in the day by 9 months, so i have not had this situation at this age!

He won't take a bottle but will drink some water from a free flow cup - dh thinks he would take a bottle if it were all there was... He eats solids but not huge amounts - mostly finger foods plus yoghurt.

Any tips? I need to sleep more than an hour at a time as I have 2 more small children... dh has only recently started to try to help at night but ds howls when dh goes to him, and won't stop (though he likes dh in the daytime)...

Could cold turkey work? What else might?

But if he wont settle without a bf (at this stage - this WILL pass), how will he cope with out any more bfs ever if there is no winding down/adjustment period? How will your body cope going from 12+ feeds a day to none?

Bfing is a huge part of babies lives - comfort, food, drink, warmth, security, love and closeness to mum - they do learn how to get those things from other sources as they get older but 9m is still quite young really (if you had posted about a 2y doing this I could understand why your DH was so keen to stop it but 9m is tiny!).

Waking hourly sounds rough though, is baby in a separate room? Could you try co-sleeping for a period to give your son some extra reassurance? The No-Cry Sleep Solution has some good techniques/tips for breaking the feed-sleep associations so perhaps give that a try too?

Also, it's not generally rec. to introduce a bottle at 9m as a cup/beaker has less dental implications and as your DS already takes a beaker it would be a bit of a backward step.

I went cold turkey with DD at about 9 months for similar reasons. Co-sleeping was not an option for me and it had become increasingly difficult to keep up the breastfeeding. She was a complete bottle/cup/beaker refuser and would cry her eyes out if she was offered one (until I stopped feeding). It was a hard 48 hours but it was the only option I had and all was fine in the long run.

I am now getting to the stage where I am planning to stop breastfeeding 7 month old DS but he is better than DD at mixed feeding so I plan to see how it goes a bit longer. He is not a great sleeper though so I do wonder if changing to all bottles would improve that...

Thank Truth and zin - cosleeping doesn't work for me as if I am next to him he wants to be latched on literally all the time, and I can't stand it, can't fall asleep with him latched on and can't move so get crippling back ache - I have done it on a few of the worst nights when I have been absolutely unable to stay awake in the chair I feed him in, and he has been crying every time I put him back in the cot, but I feel more tired and battered in the morning after having him in the bed than if I get up.

I will order the Pantly book maybe; long since given up on parenting books after the ones I read in my first preg seemed so unsuited to my real baby when she was born, plus they all seem to be padding for a single nugget of useful (or not) advice...

Have to do something though, can't go on like this. 9 months is a tiny person but a big baby and most people don't bf this long so won't feel guilty, it's just how to stop that't the question - would happily cut down instead of stop but he doesn't seem to be that sort of baby...

You might find NCSS at the library or children's centre (my local one has a copy).

Have you tried feeding baby then handing to Dad for cuddles then putting baby in his cot? That way you start to break the feed-sleep association (we started this by DH cuddling baby between 'sides' then cuddling after as well). Now DH has a cuddle after the bedtime feed and puts DD3 on the floor so she walks over to her bed (she has been doing this since about 18m as she walked a bit late!). Perhaps that might be worth a shot.

Thanks Truth - we are in Germany, and very rural, so libraries etc. have nothing in English except a few school books! So its Amazon all the way for books in English - it would take me a long time with a dictionary to wade through anything heavier than a magazine or children's book in German still, unfortunately.

I am thinking of going to an English speaking LaLeche meeting on 14th but it's a real trek into Munich - will take an hour each way - and I have to be back for my eldest who finishes school at 11.20am, so not sure how practical it's going to be to get there and leave half way through!

DH doesn't normally help at night - he is up at 5.45am for work and gets home about 6pm, and I am 95% a sahm, though I work one term time evening, and he does bedtime then - ds falls asleep on his lap then, I bf before I leave at 6.30pm but leave all the kids up and awake. He has recently helped a few times because I've been really desperate, but tbh he's not especially hands on and would not be happy about taking the baby during the night on a regular basis - what he is prepared to do is set aside a weekend to help me "solve" the problem, rather than be part of an open ended management plan. That may make some people feel inclined to criticise but it's just how it is and I'm not going to force the issue and make him resent DS2 (it took him a long time to be ok about a 3rd baby and he has only recently seemed more bonded with him).

Sorry, long essay, still pondering what to do, trapped on the sofa with ds asleep on my lap - which I love except I need to go to the loo and he will wake if I move - his daytime sleep habits also need addressing tbh. not sure how all this happened!

Zin when you say all was fine in the long run, did it make a noticeable impact on the night waking? Crucial question I thought I had typed and reading back I see I hadn't!

I think it did. She went from several times a night to just once almost every night until she was about 13 months(with exceptions for teething and colds). It also helped that I could split the nights with DH so I had a better chance of a full night's sleep.

I was advised to break the feed-sleep cycle too and I'm sure that's the right thing to do but I just never managed to do it until DD slept through in her own time.

I've recently been through a similar experience. DD got to 10 months and I'd had enough of waking every two hours through the night, sometimes hourly since she was four months. I moved her into her own room and stopped night feeds straight away. It made it alot more enjoyable again. she cried a little bit initially but more yelling than upset. I had sleepless nights as I heard her wake and stir and occasionally call out but held my nerve and since then she's only been up two nights in the last month from illness. Good luck.

thanks trashie - I was initially aiming to night wean, it was dh convincing me that would be too hard to stick to/ enforce and cold turkey would work better - he feeds to sleep at bedtime and in the day too, unless he falls asleep in the car (or buggy but with current temperatures he rarely does in the buggy)...

Am up now after 4 hours in and out of bed (sometimes going to bed early seems pointless), as I have been trying to settle him for the last hour - he has yet another in an almost constant stream of really heavy colds though, which is the reason this time, just given him nose drops and vapour rub on the back of his sleepsuit, hoping I can get him back to sleep one way or another soon... yawn!

If you're feeding that much it will be very uncomfortable to go cold turkey and I think you risk mastitis too. If you're ready to do something like night weaning you could maybe choose a block of time (say 8 hours?) where you're not going to feed him.