Fed up with breast feeding. Ideas??

[RosesAndCustard]

Ok so I know there are loads of great breast feeding advocates on here who breast feed for ages. I would love some advice for how you get through those times when it doesn't seem that great.

DD is three months. I was really determined to breast feed and have pretty much got it sorted, although she can be a little rough at times (and I'm not looking forward to her doing that chomping action when she has teeth...) I digress.

I am really proud to be breast feeding and having got over the first bit it seems sensible to continue. BUT I want my body back (hang head in selfish shame). I do express so DP can do a feed and give me a break. I love the cuddles with bfing and DD actually insists it is that and not a bottle from me. Going out and bfing is a faf - not that good at doing it discretely (see boob flapping everywhere and milk squirting across table). So tempted to break open the formula sometimes (hang head).

So, what do you do? Would you try the odd bottle just to make yourself feel human again, or do you have another trick up your sleeve?

P.S. Two weeks ago I was really annoyed with HV suggesting a give a bottle, so this is a new feeling, but want to do something to make me feel better about it again!

Thanks for reading and thank you in advance for any ideas!

:)

Sorry, to avoid confusion, HV was suggesting bottle for another reason. I wasn't feeling down about breast feeding then is what I mean (bit sleepy).

I suppose it depends how long you feel you can stick it out. Once they get onto a reasonable amount of solids and start dropping feeds, you do feel like you get your body back to an extent as you can have much longer gaps between feeds (well I did anyway).
If you want something to give you extra motivation and help you feel like you're doing a fantastic thing by keeping going, then I really recommend The Politics of Breastfeeding. It's a great book and really spurred me on through the difficult times (although I would feel more guilty about using formula since reading it - just to warn you!)

Do what is right for YOU. What are your worries about mixed feeding? There are ways to do it which minimise the effect on your supply. If it's the health aspect, well, you will have to work out what you personally are comfortable with. Personally, I never breastfed because it was the medically superior option. I did/do it because it feels right to me and I find it easy and convenient.

My feeling is that if you feel strongly that you want to continue but you feel that you can't for XYZ reason, it's worth looking at ways to get around those reasons before giving up on it. But if you just don't want to any more or you feel it would be of benefit to you to start mixed feeding, then you should do that and you should be supported to make that change in the safest and most appropriate way.

You have got bfing pretty well established now, and have done well to get this far.

Do you think maybe one bottle of formula a day would help you feel better about it? That would not harm your supply, so you could continue to feed.

But firstly I think you need to consider why it is you suddenly feel like this. As you've said you were annoyed at the hv suggesting a bottle, so why do you suddenly want to do it.

Can you explain a bit more about what you are feeling. What do you mean by 'wanting your body back'? Do you mean that you feel tied to your baby, so it hard to leave her (so you don't have the bodily autonomy to go where and when you wish), or do you mean something else?

FWIW, about three months in with no. 1, I felt a bit like this. In my mind it wasn't tied to breastfeeding though. I remember DD1 not settling for anyone else, not taking bottle, etc. One day I went out to get my hair cut and I just felt so weird. Like I was walking around in a bubble, totally disconnected from the world. I looked at other people in the street and felt like I wasn't part of their world any more. If it's a feeling anything like that, I recommend the Naomi Stadlen books. They were very helpful.

If you can explain a bit more, I'm happy to have a think.

Well, you could

1. Keep going as you are and/or try to get some strategies to deal with the parts that are bothering you and some support to keep your morale up. this forum and the helplines, as well as any local groups should all be able to help .

2. Express more, so that you get more of a break and maybe don't have to feed out and about so much. It is a bit of a faff, but suits some people.

3. Move to mixed feeding, where you give some formula at some times of day, but keep up the breastfeeding when it suits you. Your baby would still get lots of positives from this, just not quite as many as from breastmilk alone.

4. Gradually switch over to formula and congratulate yourself on a job well done for feeding as long as you continued to want to.

(option 5, not recommended, would be stop suddenly. Big risks of blocked ducts/mastitis and feeling very miserable with big hormonal changes)

Which way do you think you'd like to go? Only you can decide really , there's a different 'right' answer for every mum and baby.

thanks for the replies!

marzipan that book looks really interesting - though it does look like I wouldn't go near formula after.

Really that is the thing. I am wanting to give a bottle to give myself some more freedom, but feel guilty about giving formula. This seems silly as both nephews and DP were bottle fed without the world coming to an end.

Eglu I don't know what has made me feel this way. Bit under pressure from family kind of expecting me to go to bottles soon and i wonder if they have a point and i would have more freedom. I feel so selfish writing this stuff, probably because it is.

Any ideas for making you feel normal that avoid the bottle?

Also, breastfeeding is a big commitment and at 3-4 months you're probably rather tired and the post-birth adrenaline is long gone. You're as far from the beginning of breastfeeding as you are from the start of introducing solid food, and it's natural to find it a bit of a low point because though you've done a lot, if you want deep down to do the 6 months exclusive then there's still a bit of a hill to climb. What I can say, is that if you decide to stick at it, then there's something enormously satisfying about looking at a 6 month old and thinking "I did all of that".

It depends what your needs, wants and priorities are. Whichever way you go next, you are doing and have done a great job

Oh SleepIsForTheSheep you've kind of hit the nail on the head. I went out to get a hair cut with DP and baby in tow they wandered round town while I was in there. It felt strange but wonderful to have a bit of me time. I will look at the book you suggest!

My DS didn't get 'polite' with bfing until 3 or 4 months - I'm talking the chomping, etc. It was also around this time that my supply calmed down a bit. I had the boob-out-fishing-for-muslin-milk-squirting-over-table thing too but that should settle for you soon. It all got a bit easier after 3/4 months for me so maybe it will for you too? I know it's easier said than done but try and focus on the fact that it WILL get easier, and probably very soon. You've done so well to get this far. But if you want to give DD a bottle and go out (for alcoholic beverages - I know I did! ) then formula really isn't the worst thing in the world. Although I had the issue of DS not accepting a bottle so I couldn't! If you think you might like her to take a bottle occasionally then make sure she is used to them or she might refuse like my DS (which is another issue in itself!).

My DS is over a year now and still feeds. He has teeth now but doesn't bite me, he did try it a couple of times but a sharp "no!" and taking him away from the breast sorted the problem. To be honest it all got easier with time for me, hopefully it will for you too. :)

Ooops x-posted!

How long can your baby comfortably go between feeds? Do you have a partner that can look after her at some time?

Say she could last 2hrs, with a bit of cuddling, pram pushing or walking in a sling for example. Could you feed her, and then immediately go out and do something just for you? a massage, a swim, a drink with a friend, a bath alone with baby out of the house... whatever is a small indulgence for you personally.

How about buying yourself a new bra and some nice new breastfeeding-friendly swish tops? Or a nice pair of shoes? Something to make you feel nice.

I seem to remember at that stage just feeling a bit swamped with motherhood. You've probably largely got the hang of everything now, but if this is DC1 then it's maybe just a little bit dull. I found my brain returning at this point, as I had the baby stuff sorted pretty much, and therefore more time to think, and actually feel cooped up. It does pass. 2nd and 3rd time it wasn;'t so bad, as I knew it would soon be over. But first time, I was never quite sure and it was hard to hold the faith that more of my old life would return in time if I just waited.

Does any of that help?

It's on Amazon. It really helped me to understand that it was a normal feeling. However you feed your baby you can feel similarly tied at this age.

It comes back, slowly, and with time. It's an amazingly huge change, especially now most women tend to have had a job/career, lived away from home, been independent, etc, before having kids.

Soon, your baby will start having solids (three months seems an age now, but honestly, it will be gone in the blink of an eye ). She'll space her feeds. She'll start getting excited at seeing grandparents, other relatives, etc in a way she probably doesn't now. Slowly but surely she will move out into the world, and away from you that little bit to give you breathing space.

In the meantime, how about making some small plans for time alone? Even just a long bath, a haircut, a trip to the gym...

Actually I found the Politics of Breastfeeding made me feel a lot less anti-formula. Mainly because it shows you just how much of a risk it is in the third world and so when you look at the relative risks here, it doesn't seem as much of a big deal. Maybe that was just me, though!

ok, back from sorting out DD...

Wow, I feel better already. I don't think I even fully understood how I was feeling until I received your replies. Thanks so much!

WoollyHead your posts are really helpful to me. The last one especially makes a lot of sense. It is good to know that this is normal and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Swamped is a good word.

HelloBrian I have been waiting for the 'squirting' to stop, glad it does at some point! I guess I thought everything would be magically wonderful at three months and wasn't expecting to be in a sudden dip!

SleepIsForTheSheep its so hard to know what is normal, and I feel a little more so now. You've also reminded me to enjoy it while it lasts and not be in a rush for it to end.

The groups of Mums I know nearly all bottle feed now, so I don't really know how others are feeling. Some good ideas now though. WoollyHead - I might even go crazy and buy a non-feeding bra! How indulgent would that be! (or at least a bfing one with a bit of lace on and not one of these awful plain things) :).

SleepIsForTheSheep Just downloaded one of her books to my kindle. Bit of bedtime reading!

The quagmire of motherhood Roses . At different times it comes and goes, but I'm sure we all recognise the feeling. Enjoy reading the book. "What Mothers Do" was the only parenting book that ever made me feel better and less guilty!

It's not going to be forever and your doing such a great thing for you and your baby if you don't know the benefits for both you should look it up and for bfing in public you should get the breastfeeding apron that has the loop that you can see baby through no one can see anything besides you and if she won't take delicious expressed BM from you why would she want bland yucky formula just keep to it you will have your body back before you know it

I understand completely how you feel and that's why I have a stock of expressed milk in the freezer. Just knowing looking at it gives me a sense of freedom as I know I CAN go to the hairdresser, have a night out (and a few drinks) etc when I feel I'm desperate ready. And I agree with previous poster who said how satisfying it is to look at your baby and think 'I did all of that!'

I felt very similar with DD1, she took a long time to feed and in hindsight I was anaemic and so I felt very drained by it. I didn't switch to formula but I did drop feeds pretty quickly once she was weaned so that by 7 months she was only having 3 feeds (supplemented with milk on breakfast, yogurts and cheese to make sure she got enough calcium). By 9 months she was having 2 feeds and then I stopped altogether at 10-11 months. When I didn't have to feed her in the daytime it all felt very manageable.

Totally different with DD2, partly due to being more relaxed about it and partly it was a much better birth and a better start altogether.

My baby is nearly 5months and i have felt like that on and off since she was 6-8 weeks old.

most of the time i love BF-ing, but sometimes (esp at night during growth spurts) I really resented it, and i have had many nights where i have sat in my feeding chair, BFing crying my eyes out, just wishing i could give her formula.

Deep down i know i havent wanted to give her formula so i havent.

what has helped me has been having the NCT benefits of breast feeding chart stuck to my fridge..... it has often been my aim, just to make it to the next age, and when i make it i feel good, and when i start to doubt again, im only a few weeks from the next milestone which i make.

I have also had lots of supportive BF-ing friends, and all my NCT group are BF-ing so it has helped me to not be the first to give in.

I have also accepted that once she is 6months and having cow milk products in her diet i will give her 1 bottle of formula a day, as i am now counting down the days (37) until i finally get a feed off.

Having had a baby who insisted on feeding for an hour at a time, every time, I felt extremely guilty about eventually succumbing to one bottle of formula per day (so that I could have some kind of life...) Rest assured, he's thriving, the milk supply hasn't lessened and I am able to be a flapping boob free zone in public! It's changed everything and made what was seeming like an impossible task something that I will consider doing until he's at least a year old now. Don't put pressure on yourself - if a bottle of formula per day makes you a happier mummy do it, don't be a hero!

Thank you for your support. It makes me feel better. nanny that is a really good idea about the NCT chart. I might dig it out.

Not long to go really I guess, time has flown by already since she was born.

I do often verge on the bottle idea. She probably wont take one anyway, so not much point. But it kind of gives something to aim to. If I set my sights on definitely doing the next 4 weeks exclusive bfing and then reassess how I feel.

Its good to know there are people out there who have been where I am and the support is there.