Feed to a routine or demand feed? Need sensible advice...

[littlestressy]

I've posted on here before and had great help so I'm hoping for some more great advice.

My son is 7 weeks old and breast fed, I have had some major problems/difficulties in feeding him but kept going. He had a tongue tie diagnosed at 5 weeks and snipped which has helped quite a bit with his feeding, his suck is stronger and I'm certain he is actually feeding now whereas before he would suck for a minute then fall asleep, maybe because feeding was such hard work for him.

Feeding is still not 100% pain free but it is a lot more comfortable and I've had great support from a breastfeeding counsellor with my positioning and attachment. I want to keep breastfeeding him.

Basically, my MIL helped me out when I was really low and depressed and about to give up breastfeeding, she told me to feed to a 3 hourly routine which I started and it worked really well because I was sure he was getting enough and I wasn't in pain the whole time.

But now I don't know what to do, I want to feed my baby when he's hungry not to a set routine but daren't tell my MIL this. My husband thinks I'll feed him every time he makes a single peep or cry but I know that I won't feed him at every cry; just when he's hungry. He's crying now and according to the 'routine' I shouldn't feed him until 4.00, but I'm going to feed him because he's hungry.

So help me please! Does feeding on demand mean I'm going to be up 24/7 feeding him? Has it worked well for other people? I don't know what to do for the best anymore.

What's it got to do with your MIL????!!

Did she never change the way she parented because of changing needs in her offspring? Isn't part of being a mother to be aware of a baby's needs and how they may change as they get older, and to respond to them accordingly?

Crying is a late sign of hunger/need in a young baby - by the time they have got to crying, they really do need comfort and attention, food and drink! Not all crying means hunger, but in a young baby it usually does....and it does no harm at all to respond with an offer of a breast :)

Next time your dh comes in from work and makes/asks for a cup of tea/coffee/glass of water/wine, ask him when he last had something to eat or drink, and if it was less than 3 hours ago, tell him he has to wait until it's the right time....and your baby is 7 weeks, and a lot less capable of putting his needs on hold until you say they will be met.

It could be that your low mood/depression has affected your confidence so you are not sure you are able to decide these things....but you are, you know. If you are aware your baby needs feeding, then of course you can/should feed him.

And no, it does not mean you will be feeding 24/7 :)

Each baby is different and you have to trust your motherly instincts. Ds1 was like clockwork - fed every three hours for at least 6 months, and in the early months played for a bit, slept and then woke up for another feed EXACTLY 3 hours later. DD2 is a complete randomer - some days she's super hungry and will have three feeds before 11am, other days she will go for four hours between feeds. Sometimes she'll sleep in between feeds, sometimes she won't and sometimes she'll sleep through a feed. I think it depends on growth spurts and sometimes where you are. (DD will be asleep in the car within 10 mins, if we were in the house or out, she would stay wide awake and wanting a feed)

I'm sure you're getting to know your baby's cries. If it sounds like a hungry cry, then feed. It can't do any harm. I used to worry that ds was feeding too much and going to grow up to be obese - now I struggle to get food down him!

When Dd was feeding often at nights, I never thought she'd sleep through. At 12 weeks, it was as if the magic sleep switch had been turned on - 7pm to 6-7am with a dream feed in between. Fingers crossed this continues (she's 16 weeks now)

I agree with feeding on demand. Every time he has a growth spurt he will need to feed more often and your body will respond by producing more milk. That is how it's designed to work.

Trust your instincts, you know it's not right to leave a hungry baby to cry, I know I never could anyway, it would feel cruel.

Hi Littlestressy
I'm a big fan of routines but there's no need to hold fast to strict timings, i.e. if you think your baby needs feeding after 2.5 hours then go ahead and feed him. The main thing is that you follow a predictable pattern of behaviour for the baby as this will help him know what to expect next. For example, your pattern might be this: once you've fed him, you burp him, then put him on his mat/gym to play with for about 30-50 minutes, then when he shows signs of being tired you swaddle him and put him to bed.

One way to get their timing more predictable is to be consistent about when you wake them in the morning (eg always go in at 7am and open the curtains) and when you put them to bed at night (eg always put them to bed by 8pm with a dreamfeed at 10.30, or whatever you choose).

Sometimes this will repeat every 3 hours, sometimes 3.5 hours, sometimes 2.5 hours. You are his mum, you will know what he needs at what time.

Tell your DH that you don't need to feed him every time he cries. Crying is the way babies communicate everything - not just that they are hungry. Imagine if you were really tired, or needed clean pants, and every time you tried to tell someone, they just offered you another meal! Or the reverse, as tiktok says.

Every 3 hours sounds about right, BUT sometimes he'll be hungry sooner (e.g. in the evenings he may want to feed more often as your milk supply drops off) and sometimes less often.

The key is to watch your baby and get to know and understand him.

Longer term, some kind of feeding routine is likely to work though, because babies tend to like routine... he might need a feed between, say, 10 and 11, just as you might usually have lunch between 12 and 1. And as you get to know what he is likely to want, you can fit his needs and yours together and start to get out and about more.

Kiwi, what if it's sooner than 2.5 hours though??? Nothing wrong with responding to the baby not the clock, though, surely ? :)

Go with demand feeding. Your milk supply will be better, baby will be happy and you wont be stressed looking at the clock and trying to calm a screaming child because 'its not time yet'. And when the growth spurts/ teething/ poorly baby bits happen you can just feed your way through them

OP, listen to your baby, your instincts and tiktok NOT your MIL or any other arse person who talks to you about routines or making a rod for your back or any other such rubbish that people spout about new babies.

Your baby doesn't know what time it is, he knows he wants some milk, give him some.

Demand feeding all the way. No problem if you do feed 'at every little cry'. I do - and my babies are none the worse for it - on DC3 now and everyone has always commented on what wonderfully easy, calm babies I have. Nothing to do with me - just luck, plus sticking a boob in their mouth whenever they want it.

BF babies will not over-feed. And having lots of 'comfort' feeds just makes them happy and secure. My older ones (4 and 2) are cheerful, independent, started pre-school with no fuss at all. I think demand feeding them as babies helped give them that sense of security.

Your DH needs to learn to support you.

Thanks everyone, tiktok is right; I got low and depressed and basically exhausted and didn't know what to do anymore. I was so close to giving up breastfeeding that having someone help me do something to continue was like a miracle.

My MIL means well, she just wants me to be ok, not depressed and exhausted as I was so she is concerned that I'll go back to feeding pretty much constantly and all through the night, at the moment he feeds once or twice in the night. My husband is very supportive, he too does not want me to go back to that low, depressed exhausted state I was in.

really glad your DH is supportive. Maybe you can prod him in the right direction to support you? I found/find BF very tiring. Having someone do things for you while you are BFing is a big help - and someone bringing you a drink or a snack is fab.

Kiwlin has good points about predictable behaviour for babies. With DD (8months), our pattern is very predictable - because it has to fit in with her older brothers, and the daily trip to/from pre-school, with meals at routine times, bathtime and bedtime etc. She seems to feed less often than either of them did, and I think it's partly because she is in a regular pattern, so she doesn't expect feeding at times when other stuff is happening. (Conversely, she very much expects feeding on the dot of 7pm once they're in bed, and will not tolerate even a 10 minute delay then!)

Dans feeding all the way. Remember thirst is involved too so if my baby gets cross with being in the buggy and cries all the way home from the shop I will offer to feed once we get on as I imagine her little throat will be dry! She also gets very distracted in the daytime and sometimes has a bit, then won't have any more, then wants more 45 minutes later. It is so much less stressful to ignore the clock than a crying baby. Sometimes I think 'you can't be hungry again already!' and then realise yes she is! Your baby is likely to feedore quickly as she gets bigger and will be able to go longer. Also bring flexible means you can offer to feed after Immunisations etc without worrying about disrupting your schedule.

You can't oversees a BF baby and you can't spoil a baby either! As BFing gets easier feeding on demand is likely to be much easier for you than keeping to a schedule. Congratulations and, whatever you decide to do, enjoy your new baby!

FGS demand not dans