feeding a newborn whilst in possession of a toddler - any tips?

[Kveta]

DC2 is due in June so I am maybe asking this a bit early :o

however, I wanted to ask those of you who have fed a newborn whilst dealing with a 2-3 year old, how did you cope? I read somewhere about 'nursing baskets' for the older child, so a basket or 2 which have a couple of toys, books, and maybe a snack in them, and which only come out at feeding times, but wondered if there are any other ideas?

I am still bfing DS but only once a day, and although I fully expect him to want to feed more when DC2 arrives, I will not be feeding him as much as the new baby, so want some distractions that are not on the television! (we do have various DVDs for him to watch at the moment when I'm badly nauseous, but don't want him in front of it 24/7, so need other tools at our disposal!) DS was a voracious feeder too, so I am planning this as if DC2 will be permanently attached for the first 12 weeks!

he'll be 2.8/2.9 when DC2 arrives, if all goes to plan :)

thank you!

Cbeebies

Mine were the same age, and DS2 was a far quicker feeder, so it wasn't as bad as I feared. Just try and fit in some 1 to 1 time with your eldest for cuddles and stories.

Oops, just read that you are still feeding the eldest. I ended up tandem feeding a lot and DS1 fed more like a newborn for a while. I'm sure it helped with bonding with his brother, as I asked him to teach the baby what to do.

I read to DD1 and chattered to her about what she was playing with.
Was never a problem, I think she liked me feeding I didn't disappear into the kitchen. I'm not good at playing with small children so she got more attention not less

Books are handy, anything that he can do with just vocal input from you, he'll be a bit young for Lego - but jigsaws maybe, or sorting toys

and cbeebies, lol

thanks :)

cbeebies makes my ears bleed, so will restrict it most of the time - I don't want him glues to the box all the time, as he takes after his father has a tendancy to go glaikit and glassy eyed in front of it!

glad to hear tandem feeding was good for you company - DH is not keen on the idea, but I want to try it, and hope it will help DS accept his little sister!

I just remember those early weeks with DS when I sat on the sofa feeding him all day, and playing about on mumsnet with the other hand - not so much chance of that this time round I guess!! :o

DD1 was 22 months when DD2 was born. I found Cbeebies and a refilled box of raisins worked a treat. TV was off the rest of the time so she found it a real treat and used to sit still for 20 mins.

Well, with DD1 it was easy - if she wasn't bfing with DD2, she was bfing by herself - she fed more often than DD2 who was newborn did ) as she had decided solids weren't the thing any more and BM was where it was at. Luckily this only lasted about 2 1/2 weeks and then I played on the floor with DD1 while bfing, read books to DD1 while bfing, we baked while bfing, watched TV while bfing (you get the idea).

When DD3 was born, DD1 & DD2 played well together (usually!) so as long as they were supplied with toys and snacks all was well without too much help so I could MN in peace while bfing.

Wasn't an issue at all with mine, strangely enough. DS2 was born when DS1 was 21 months, and then DD when DS1 was 3.9 and DS2 was 23 months. Reading books was a big one - lots of time sitting on the sofa feeding a baby while reading to a toddler. And talking to toddler while toddler pottered round playing.

I found that both DS2 and DD (who is DC3) didn't feed for as long as DS1 did, don't know if second (and third) time round, the milk flow was faster? Also, I was less bothered about detaching baby while doing something quickly for toddler and the re-attaching them.

I never had an issue tbh, DS was quite a greedy efficient feeder so he only fed for a few minutes at a time so I didn't need to distract DD too much. I would often read books to her while I was feeding (quite hard as I needed both hands to feed in the early days but manageable!) and she used to like watching DS feed. She would sit and hold his hand .

Can I ask those that play with/read with etc firstborn, did this affect your bonding with your newborn? I really have needed and wanted one on one time with my tiny, and found it difficult to get with my four year old clamouring for attention.

If I feel the older one is happily playing on her own, and not feeling excluded, I have a much nicer time with the baby.

I wish I did not need sleep, as it is so hard getting solo time with each of them as well as letting the four year old bond with her sister..and then of course dad comes home.

This is not really helping you OP, is it? I am just telling you what you are dreading...sorry

Well I always figured that if I was reading to my DS, then effectively I was reading to my DD as well, lol

I didn't find it affected bonding tbh, I feel very close to DS (who is a huge mummy's boy). I was more worried about DD at the time because she was only 22m when I had DS and hadn't been apart from me until I went into hospital for 5 days to have him so I focused on her really. I used to have solo time with her when DS was sleeping. I think as well, I felt that I had one-on-one time with DS overnight or when DH was around.

I've got a 2.4 year old and an 11 week old. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to feed dd while ds was around, but it's fine. I would seriously recommend Cbeebies; sod it, it's not forever. Ds will happily play while Cbeebies is on, thus leaving me able to feed dd.

TO be fair, dd is a very efficient feeder and DS will often bring a book to snigle up and read while dd is 'eatin a boob'. I'm not too worried about not being able to bond with dd or spend time with her because, well, subsequent children have had to deal with this since humans evolved and it doesn't seem to harm them (speaking as pfb who was bf for 3 months - unlike dsis who wasn't bf at all cos it was too difficult to juggle very demanding first child). Besides, second child won't know how much care and attention you lavished on dc1, so won't miss it!

Good point tabulahrasa - I might doctor my reading to more nursery rhymes than usual...
I have relied on TV more than I wanted to, especially as I relied on it when full of morning sickness not so long ago, but we always worry about TV don't we, and can it really be as bad as all that?
I have really worried about the bonding thing as I know I chatted to DD1 more from the time she was newborn, but appreciate your reassurances.

glad to hear others have managed!

DS is a huge daddy's boy, so not massively worried about this affecting his bond with me. More about how to distract him from feeding whilst his sister feeds, without always resorting to the television! (we have Peppa, Pingu, Timmy, and other DVDs btw, so he isn't too deprived of the screen, but I just want to throw things at the screen when CBeebies is on, so we stick to DVDs!). I have had pretty awful morning sickness (still do tbh at 22 weeks!) and he has seen a LOT of TV/DVDs over the past few months

He will still be going to the childminders 2 days a week too, so his normal routine won't change much - it's just those early days when I am on my own with a nearly 3 year old and a tiny baby, and I have no idea what to expect! Seeing a friend who has a newborn and a 3 year old and is struggling a lot, it has worried me a bit. hopefully a selection of DVDs that don't make me murderous, and some nice books, and the odd packet of dried fruit or chocolate buttons will help ease him into his role as big brother :o

ach, no, the second one doesn't care if your chatting is directed at them or even what you're saying...they can hear it, so it counts.

First DC always get more one on one time, it's the perk of being first, of course second ones get a parent who's more sure of how to do things, so it balances out, lol.

I think 2 and 3 year olds tend to be a bit differnet in teh way they react. From anecdotal evidence, 3 year olds seem to be able to understand the intrusion into tehir lives, but 2 year olds are so used to everything changing, they just accept it.

FRom personal experience, I was 2.4 when sister arrived and was lovely; ds was 2.2 and has been fantastic with her, but a little more prone to teh odd tantrum or attention seeking behaviour. He doesn't even seem to mond when dd's having one of her i'm-tired meltdowns.The only thing I struggle with is getting both of the buggers out of teh door and in teh car in under half an hour.

Always take older child to the toilet before you start the feed. Twins were 2yrs 8mnths when ds2 arrived. They very quickly realised that requests for snacks, juice, toys etc could be met with a "in a minute" but "MUMMY, I NEED A WEE/POO!!" meant baby was taken off boob and put in basket.

DD1 was 2.10 when DD2 arrived and I found it was a lot easier than I expected. By the time DH went back to work after 2 weeks, DD2 wasn't feeding too often, and she was much quicker than DD1 as well.

I read stories while feeding, or fed at meal times (eating one-handed of course!) or sat on the floor and 'played'. (Luckily DD1 was into things like tea parties which didn't involve much movement). If you're due in June, you could also try spending lots of time at playgrounds, so your DS is happy playing while you feed. Seeing friends with DCs is also really helpful, they can play while you feed and your friend brings you cups of tea .

you could get a few 'new baby' / 'big brother' books too. My older ones LOvED these, and read them over and over again - made them feel important, and like the baby was 'theirs' I think.

thanks everyone!

I've heard the 'take them to the loo before feeding' thing from a few people, so am looking forward to that, as our toilet is upstairs :o

Hopefully DS will still be feeding in June, so I can just offer him a boob to shut him up placate him when he wants attention. And hope DH doesn't comment :o I am probably massively overthinking all this, but I have head space to do so now, and would rather be prepared early on than suddenly panic once a new baby is latching on and DS is squealing for attention :)

I was 2 when my sister was born and REALLY resented her, so am doing my best to avoid that for DS, after he has spent 2.8 years being the centre of our universe!

I used to tell DS stories - not necessarily reading books, but just fairy tales out of my head which was a bit easier than juggling a book. Or sang him songs, especially silly ones that made him laugh (he used to like the mouse in a windmill one around that age!). Never did the treasure basket thing but that could be a good idea too.

Maybe get the older one a doll too if he doesn't have one already, DS used to like "feeding" his baby along with me (from his belly button...got some funny photos!) until the novelty wore off.

I actually found it much harder when I needed to get the baby to nap, she often took quite a bit of settling and it was nearly impossible to get DS to give me a few minutes to do that...