Can grief affect breastfeeding?

[SubOptiMum]

my DD2 is 3weeks old and so far EBF but not without issues. Had posterior Tongue tie snipped yday. Is slow to gain weight (not at birthweight yet but only lost 9.7% before started gaining - unlike DD1 who lost 14% and took 6wks to regain birthweight but she was tube fed and NICU and Tongue tie so lots of issues).
Currently DD2 is breastfed on demand and fed up to 250ml per 24hours EBM top ups.

Anyhow sadly I found out my dad died suddenly of a heart attack yesterday. He never hot to meet DD2 :( Obviously completely devastated. The tears plus breastfeeding causing dehydration headaches so drinking pints and pints of water to try and keep up. Going to stay with mum and bro tomorrow. Taking hospital grade pump and fenugreek with me but worried about how all the grief and stress is going to affect my milk supply further.

Does anyone have any experience or advice? Her next weighin isn't until a week Thursday but wondering if I should get her weighed sooner to check. She only gained 90g in last week (but wees and poos for England and is mostly contented after a feed- post Tongue tie snip haven't noticed any significant improvement tbh- her latch is still a bit clicky and her jaw is tight. May take her to see a cranial osteopath but that won't be til next week sometime.

DD1 was mixed fed but really wanted to EBF this time but if I need to mixed feed I will.

SubOptiMum, so sorry to hear about your Dad

I've no experience of grieving whilst breastfeeding but didn't want your post to go unanswered. It's still early so hopefully someone with some real advice will be along soon.

I do know that stress and tension affect my letdown and have found in the past that deep breathing in and out very slowly and thinking about how I'm breathing, rather than concentrating on how the feeding is going has helped me.

I'm really sorry you're going through this right now, what a mixture of conflicting emotions you must be feeling. Be very kind to yourself, 3 weeks post birth is an emotional period at the best of times.

Take care x

Sorry about your dad .

Firstly I would say cancel the weigh-ins.
You have enough stress right now to need that worry on top.
The nappies and her feeding should be enough to reassure you (& you know some of us never take our babies to weighing clinic ) maybe go back in a few more weeks when you might be calmer & she's had a chance to put more on.

Keep feeding, keep feeding. & drinking. As I found I get dehydrated really quickly without all the tears.
Anything anyone else can do, let them, now is not the time to be too proud to accept help.

Good luck & sympathies.

Thankyou- will try deep breathing- good tip thanks. My nipples are quite damaged so think that has affected let down too. It's defo slower than before but I never feel let down just go on when she starts swallowing. Is faster with baby on breast than pump I think.

Have you got lansinoh? Use lots

Oh and can you get to a bf group at any point? Someone in RL might be able to help with the latch.

We are going to Stoke today so missing we'd and Fridays breastfeeding group here. Suppose I could see if there is one up there. Have lansinoh (and the multimam nipple compresses which are a miracle healing product) so things are more comfortable than they used to be. Was hoping Tongue tie snip would have more of an effect than it has but suppose it may take time to adjust (did with my older daughter too)

No wisdom from me (first-time bf-er!) but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry about your dad :(

Look after yourself and your little family

Very sorry to hear about the sudden death of your father, how shocking.

I breastfed both my DSs but did find it hard work in the beginnning with DS1, I wasnt in a good way at the time, struggling with a traumatic bereavement.

What I would say is to forget the expressing and top up and weigh ins and just feed your DD as often as possible, for as long as she wants and have lots of skin to skin.

Try and feed her in the night and co-sleep too if you are happy with that as it makes breastfeeding much easier.

Try not to micro-manage the feeding if you can.

Sorry to hear about your father. Are you managing to eat enough? Often when there are big things going on it's easy to forget to get enough in you. I know when I wasn't eating enough it really affected my supply.

I have been through this very situation. My father passed away suddenly when DS1 was 4 months old and he never saw him either which only made my sorrow worse. Anyways, I recall that he became more fretful during breastfeeding, that somehow he wasn't getting enough and that all in all he was crying more and sleeping less . Mind you I did not notice the link immediately, but someone pointed this out to me and it got me thinking. My personal grief had somehow affected my baby. Now whether this was because of breastfeeding( he was doing so exclusively then) or not I can not say.

What an awful, awful thing to have happened SubOpti.

I have heard of women experiencing a temporary drop in supply after a bereavement and major stress can affect let down.

Given that your baby is not back to birth weight yet, I don't think any of us on here can tell you to drop the top up though.

You may find that having a bath with your baby is relaxing for both of you and will get the right hormones going again. You don't need to drink gallons of water (sometimes this affects supply negatively) - just drink to thirst and eat when you are hungry.

You might find it useful to talk through some of the issues with a breastfeeding counsellor on one of the helplines.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Please be gentle with yourself, don't get baby weighed at the moment, you have enough on your mind and the fact that she's weeing/pooing lots is the sign you need that she's getting plenty. Grief/sudden shock can affect your milk supply, if you feel it's dropping significantly you could ask your GP for something called Domperidone to help keep your supply up.

It takes baby a little while to adjust thier latch after having a tongue-tie snipped, they have to learn to latch from scratch so hopefully it will improve in the coming weeks.

My sister passed away suddenly when dd3 was 6 months old, luckily my supply was well established but my supply did drop a little, it recovered after a few weeks (probably would have been sooner but she died just before Christmas so all the funeral arrangements etc took weeks to arrange). Just take things as easy as you can, don't worry about your little one, she sounds fine, babies grow up and out, but rarely at the same time.

Well the good news is DD2 is defo feeding more efficiently at the breast as proper glugs and swallows now sometimes. My nips are more comfy/starting to heal so think TT snip is making a diff. Her latch is still clicky and she struggles to latch on left breast but rugby ball hold helps there. Got breastfeeding group Monday and moved weighin to Tuesday (was thurs) I know people say don't stress about the weighins at mo but I want to ensure she is at least gaining albeit slowly or static. If she is losing then I need to do summat. Hope she is finally at birthweight. (four weeks old on Monday). Unfortunately she has a cold at mo so is pooing loads and struggling sometimes to feed so that may affect weight. Also with all the funeral arrangements etc I am struggling to pump/top up in day but I am for every night feed. means the amount of top up she is getting has reduced by 50ml or so and the amount of feeding per 24hours is down from 5hours average to four hours (record it all on total baby app at mo) but reduced feed times maybe due to increased efficiency as feeds are taking 20mins instead of 40 now plus she is snacking in day slot more thanks to cold.

Hardest thing I am finding at mo is eating and drinking enough. Food tastes like sawdust even favourite foods and I have a constant knot in my tum and feel nauseous. So worried about the effect of this on milk supply. My mum is same at mo so we even brought some complan to try and boost intake.'

The best way to boost supply is to feed lots and lot and have skin to skin, esp at night, rather than pumping and topping up. Expressing isnt really recommended until around 6 weeks when your supply is established.

Have you looked at kellymom, I found it very reassuring
www.kellymom.com/bf/index.html

Take care.

Far too cold here to have skin to skin at night unfortunately. Was -10 last night and the electric radiator not brilliantly efficient. Pumping (using hospital grade breastpump) and topping up is what was told to do for both slow gaining DD1&DD2 especially as due to Tongue tie they both feed better from bottle than breast but thankfully neither have nipple confusion.

As long as you are offering the breast 8 -10 times in 24 hours SubOpti, then I wouldn't worry about calculating the total length of the feeds. I'm not sure how useful that is tbh. Switch nursing, as you probably know will ensure maximum milk intake and will stimulate your supply- you can offer four or five sides at each 'feed'.

Although you should probably eat well to keep you feeling OK, don't be too concerned about the effect on your milk supply. You would have to be really malnourished for this to happen.

Good luck for the weigh in next week and hope you're doing OK.

Well so far supply seems ok but unfortunately DD2 has bronchiolitis (never rains but it pours!) and has been really struggling to feed and vomiting top ups. :( she was weighed yesterday and has gained nothing in a week (but at least hasn't lost anything) but has dropped to 9th centile now. Health Visitor almost sent us to hospital but considering all going on opted for close monitoring instead. Getting weighed again Wednesday and doing 2hourly or even hourly feeds at mo. Little and often so she doesn't vomit whole thing up. Although this means life us beyond stressful for me at mo it also is taking my mind off grieving for my dad. At the min prob a good thing and will grieve properly when things calmer.

Hope DD2 gets better soon.