18 month DD feeding every 2 hours at night, and as often as poss in the day. Friend exhausted, Advice please!!

[MyFriendNotMe]

I am posting on behalf of an exhausted friend who is struggling with her DD2 and Im not sure how to help. Her DD is 18 months and is a real cuddly one and is snuggling up to mum all the time wanting to BF. Mum goes with the flow and has extended BF before so no basic issue with it. But DD2 is wanting to BF a lot. And she is refusing food, mum thinks this is because she has probably had too much milk! The hardest thing for mum are nights when DD wont sleep without a feed, then wakes soon after for another, and this can be every 2 hours all night. Lack of proper sleep then means she sleeps in, which means no lunchtime nap, hence grumpy child at 3 who sleeps on the school run, and so then up until 9 or later. Where/how should she start in order to get them back on track ie less BF, eating better, sleeping better. DH doesnt help out BTW and probably should be excluded from any solutions...

Any one resolved a similar situation??

Has she tried a dummy? My LO used to feed lots but half the time it was for comfort... This may also help with the sleeping. Is she offering food before milk?

We had this, not so bad, but sounds very similar. I night weaned, sent DH in for a week with a cup of milk and lots of cuddles. This resolved the nights (in less than a week actually), initally DS was more clingy but then not (I think as he was slepping better he was less upset during the day). I then did don't offer don't refuse with bucket loads of distraction. Hmmm, writing this has been helpful, DD now almost 18months and I need to stop offering bf for every minor bump...

oh sorry just seen 'D'H doesn't help, I'd still go for night weaning but it is harder if you have to go in (did this with DD) and try and get friends to do mornign school run for a week?

Not got a clue on the while extended bf tbh, but one part of the solution is make DH help!! Why does he get away with not pitching in?!

Shouldn't the baby child be sleeping through the night at 18 months? Why is she waking every 2 hours? She can't possibly be hungry.

Think her DH needs to help her to be honest!!

Shes feeding for comfort I guess so sometimes it just ends up she isnt hungry if she has 'snacked' from mum.

Not sure 'should' and 'toddler' go together podgy!! Not sure why she wakes, they co-sleep so mum is there and I guess at the end of every sleep cycle DD is fancying a snack.

Mum knows she needs to be firmer but is exhausted.

DH isn't helping Im afraid. Thinks its her territory

I am going to watch this thread because i am in exactly the same situation almost as if those very words came out of my mouth (or were typed by my fingers!) good luck hope a solution is found... it's a tricky one though as i hate leaving dd to cry when i no all she wants is to be comforted which is what she is used to and doesn't understand why she can't have it...?!

i don't think there's any quick fix to be honest im feeling really stressed at the moment too as dd has decided to start waking up loads through the night for some reason wanting milk.... not sure why? we co sleep too! and podgey....? why comment with something so unhelpful...!? my dd wants milk and crie and cries then same as you will not eat her dinner...! )O: Yes 18 mo 'should' be sleeping through but when your co sleeping and breastfeeding still it doesn't quite work out like that but i would rather that and keep her close ... the bond we have is amazing (if a little clingy sometimes) .... oh i don't know i wish i had an answer if you find one or theres any change... please post on here and i will do the same ... its nice to know soeone else is having the exact same issues as me!!(o:

Sounds like the 18 month sleep regression / developmental leap.

You can read about it here and here and here.

It could well be that which is affecting eating rather than the milk intake - developmental leaps often lead to food fussiness and lots of children (my DS included) feed at least that often at night

From experience with a similar sleeping in = late nap problem, I think the best way to make progress is to set a getting-up time for the DD and stick to it no matter how little sleep she's had. If she's had a rough night, make naptime earlier and bedtime earlier. Let her have a good long nap (most are sleeping about 2 hours at that age).

What you describe will be messing up her DD's body clock and possibly contributing to the night waking problem, especially if sleeping on the school run means a short nap due to overtiredness.

The next step is to try another method of getting the DD to sleep at bedtime. Depending on how much is developmental it may not be that much use until the developmental leap is over though.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers & preschoolers has lots of ideas. The Pantley Pull off might be a good place to start - it might help reduce the waking even if stopping feeding to sleep is a step too far.

HTH