question for those of you who exclusively bottlefed

[ktef]

Hi, I would appreciate your help. I am pregnant with dc3 and there is a possibility that dc3 may have a genetic illness. We won't know until after birth. For various reasons, for people with this illness milk (even tiny amounts of colostrum) is extremely dangerous and therefore the experts have recommended that I do not breast feed until tests are done to establish whether or not dc3 has the illness.

So my question for those of you who exclusively bottle fed and planned to from the word go: During those initial skin to skin moments: did your dc try to feed from you? Did the fact that you didn't breast feed them stop/change/delay the bonding? Did you have to actually stop them feeding from you? Did you still have skin to skin? when did you give them their first formula?

I'm sorry if these are stupid questions, its just with both ds1 and ds2 all the emphasis during those initial moments/hours was about skin to skin and trying to breast feed and so I have no experience of those moments if feeding is forbidden/dangerous. I feel a bit tearful and wobbly at the thought that baby might be rooting and I will have to hold them back to stop them feeding. I feel sad that within moments of meeting dc for the first time I will be stopping them doing the one thing they instinctively want to do. But I know millions of people bottlefeed with no problems, so I know I will get used to this idea - but I just can't picture those first moments.

Any help/reassurance would be great!

I had no milk....not with DD1 and so I don't know if it's because she couldn't smell it, but she never tried to...she'd kind of "look" for it...but I never had to hold her back....they snuffle about but find no nipple and so cry...whereupon you produce a bottle and bingo...no more tears.

Of course you can still have skin to skin...and my bonding was immediate and strong. She had her first formula as soon as she was clean, checked and dressed.

You could wear a bra and pads if you're worried about anything leaking and the baby getting it...it's still skin to skin..the first moments were magical for me...it's just that breasts weren't involved.

Have done both and it makes no difference to bonding.

I can see BF is important to you, but it will only affect you bonding if you think it will. Mind over matter IYSWIM.

I think the first feed was after everyone was cleaned up its been a while!

I didn't have milk either and DS didn't root around at all. Of course we still bonded immediately, you can still do skin to skin, and it's really lovely as well cudding them close and giving them a bottle too. You are still feeding and nurturing your baby, just in a different way.

I appreciate there is a lot of emphasis on the emotional aspects of breastfeeding but that doesn't mean bottle feeding is horrible or you won't bond.

And on the plus side, your DP can help feed them from the start and share in that bonding moment.

I hope your little one will be okay!

Sorry I can't give a totally helpful answer, as I tried for the first 24 hrs to bf my DS but ended up exclusively giving formula. What I wanted to say is that I did feel when we got home and for the first 6 wks or so like I couldn't have great skin to skin with him after he started on formula because when I had him on my chest and I was naked he got very confused and was trying to latch on. I've always had to wear some kind of top, even if just a bra, when he is on me. I mostly have him on my stomach or at shoulder height so he isn't next to boob. I do sometimes feel I have missed something special because of this, but I don't think it has made a difference to bonding tbh. If I could go back I'd have him permanently glued to any area of me except chest so I could get the same skin to skin as if bf.
I reckon initial skin to skin should be fine and as soon as you're transferred to the ward you will be able to feed your LO. BTW, if your hospital is like mine they will have lots of formula stuff, like bottles and teats and even formula (although they may not be forthcoming) available, you just need to ask.

Both of mine tried to latch on to any skin, arms, hands, shoulders - just don't line up it's mouth with your nipple and it'll be fine...

Actually DP fed my DD first, while they were doing the placenta and what have you, but before she was all cleaned up

If you know you have to formula feed, most hospitals now expect you to take your own formula in (check with your MW or Maternity ward though).

You can get ready to feed bottles but they are a huge waste of money (that may not be of concern to you though) as they are 100mls but you would only expect baby to take 8-10mls a feed on the first day (12 x 8-10mls = 96-120mls) and you have to throw the bottle away with in a set time due to the risk of bacterial growth (may be 1-2 hours depending on formula brand). Ready to feed cartons and pre-sterilised bottles may be a better bet or even finger feeding or syringe feeding in the first day or two until baby is able to larger volumes.

There are a few articles about bottle feeding responsively (so as much like bfign as possible) here and here and bottle feeding doesn't mean no skin to skin (in fact it is encouraged) you just have to be careful baby doesn't close enough to your breasts to self-attach. Dad can do skin to skin bottle feeding as well.

I hope I am not out of line here but you do say you want to bf - if the condition is PKU then bfing IS an option, alongside PKE-free formula. It seems to be quite common to treat PKU by bfing and using the PKE-free formula due to the low PKE levels in BM (apparently you can lower this further by controlling the mother's diet as well).

I don't know about any other conditions that tradtionally preclude bfing (PKU used to be thought to be incompatible with bfing) apart from galactosaemia which is definitely incompatible with bfing. There may well be other less well known conditions that may be contra-indicated for bfing though as I certainly don't know everything about Lactation!

I hope I haven't spoken out of turn if it is another condition/galactosaemia as you say you want to bf and I would be very, very if I was told I couldn't bf when I could. All the best for your new baby and congratulations.

I have formula fed 3 dds from birth. I had immediate skin to skin contact with all 3, as previous posters have said my bonding was immediate and strong . My husband gave the baby first bottle as I was getting cleaned up. Hope all goes well for you and dc3.

Thanks so much for all your replies. They have really helped. I have made my dh read all your replies and it has helped me focus on the practical ways of getting the best out of those first hours while not doing the feeding. I am not anti bottle feeding in any way by the way, I just have never done it in those first moments so wondered how it would work and I suppose felt tearful at the thought that those moments were being taken away from me (and dc).

I knew really, logically that bottle feeding wouldn't stop skin to skin, nor bonding, but it is still great to hear that from all of you and to hear how best to do it - so thanks!

Oh and truthsweet - no you didn't speak out of turn! It isn't the condition you mention, but your message was really useful with the detail and the links so thank you for taking the time to answer.

Slightly different scenario, but when DS2 was born I had very brief skin to skin with him, then noticed he had Downs so he was taken away for checking and other tests unrelated to the Downs (group b strep). I cuddled him in-between all this. I gave him his first bottle a few hours later (ready made stuff the hospital gave me, they were fab). I can honestly say I love him to bits and not having lots of skin to skin time or breastfeeding altered that one bit. For me bonding is a process, it took me time with both DSs and I didn't have that big "high" or gush that some people get.

Meant to say you should check and see if they will have to take the baby away quickly for tests so you're prepared.

I had no concept of genetic conditions which would make bf a risk in this way. I'm so sorry you are going through this hard time.

Is it possible to determine the genetic risk before the baby is born? (I realise amnio and CVS may not be an option)

Do you feel you can share the name of the condition? It is completely understandable if not, and I apologise if my asking the question is inappropriate.
However there are certainly knowledgeable people on the forum who could probably help research or advise you better with specifics.