My GP made a joke about 'bitty' today - I need to complain don't I?

[cyanarasamba]

Gah - I hate complaining!

DD is 15 months old and has a serious medical condition. I mentioned to the GP that as a side-effect of her new meds she is now breastfeeding a lot more than she was. Dunno if DD understood me but she then started crying to be fed, 'butting' at my breast etc. It was then that the GP uttered the immortal words 'haha, reminds me of Little Britain, y'know, bitty".

I'm not very good at thinking on my feet, so just said 'mmm, lovely...' in a totally unamused tone.

I am very sleep deprived. Am I having a sense of humour failure? If I do complain, what do I need to say?

Don't go down the official route. If he is a nice GP who has been professional and helpful before then have a word next time you go in. A letter is a bit, well, cowardly. If his comment offended you then you must tell him. If you send a letter how will you face him on your next appointment? Just be reasonable, see this as a joke that some people would have found funny and some would not. You did not find it funny and so you must tell him.

Why does everything have to be official? This man is doing a job but he's also a human being and prone to making mistakes. We've all said something appropriate at times but most of us would have been given the chance to apologise. So cut him some slack and deal with informally.

If he made these remarks all the time, my advice would be different. But it's clear that he doesn't, he probably just tries to put patients at ease but sometimes gets it wrong.

I agree that it depends on what your GP is usually like. He may well have been meaning it was the "asking for it" that reminded him rather than the age of your DD. But then again, it could be that he is an arse. How did he react when you said "lovely" back to him? Which, by the way, was a good retort!

And ignore Busty. 15 months is in no way too old if that's what you want to do and your daughter enjoys it. I bf my son till he was nearly 2, much to my mother's horror. It baffles me why people get themselves so worked up about (not even very) extended breastfeeding when it doesn't affect their own lives one jot.

Agree with Rhubarb. I'd speak to him directly on my next visit.

I remember hearing with disbelief about when my friend saw an NHS consultant regarding having breast reduction surgery. She was sitting sideways on the examination table with her top half naked. The consultant said, whilst holding one of her breasts in each hand, 'You could make a lot of money out of these.'

Sadly she had terrible issues with low self-esteem and poor body-image (hence the surgery) and didn't have the confidence to complain.

I think if he is normally lovely, but just cna be a bit too jokey, I woudl wait until you had another appointment, and then just say that you know he was only joking, but it hurt your feelings a lot when he made that joke as you are only doing what you have been told is best. He will probably be mortified. I think if you go down the formal route you coudl end up feelign awkward seeing him and as you say he is a lovely GP that could be a big loss espeiclaly if you end up with one who is just an arse.

Official keeps it non-personal. Presumably it's up to the practice manager to make sure GPs behave appropriately; therefore it's really the manager's fault, if it's anyone's, not the GP's.

I don't think it's any kind of 'joke' and think that any half-decent professional should have had the sense to know to avoid it ? some people might have found it funny, but the potential for causing offence or hurt is huge here and must outweigh the possibility that the patient would find it funny. The GP's office is one situation where playing it safe and perhaps coming across as too serious is the safest and only sensible option IMO.

Yes I have a 16 month old with a disability and so you have enough on your plate. I don't mean you should have found it funny but pick your battles and relax on the stuff you could let slide and I think this should be one of them.

I agree with grubbalo that he might have been just referring to the "asking for it." Many toddler skills are fun and surprising, and we don't often see toddlers asking for milk.

I do agree that him making this 'joke' was the wrong thing for him to do and not appropriate.

However, I don't think you should complain, either to him or to the practice. You say that he is generally good and if this is just a one off slip up, I would let him go. The fact that you did not laugh at the joke probably gave him enough of a wake up call re not making these remarks in future.

I wouldn't jeopardise a good GP relationship over this remark in these circumstances.

I agree that this is not worth a formal complaint - if you like him generally, then the thing to do would be to mention it in a friendly but firm way next time you see him. He has just made an inappropriate remark, that's all.

Agree with rhubarb and tiktok.

No point ruining an otherwise (presumably) nice Dr's week with all the statement writing and formal investigations if you are not deeply offended. I personally would choose not to be deeply offended by this, as I don't think was meant as deeply ofensive and therefore whould be taken as it was meant.

I think he made an error of judgement and that that is all - that happens to everyone in all types of work. Tell him nicely but firmly that the next women he says that to may dissolve into tears and/or rage and he should think on.

As a well intentioned professional he will hopefully think 'eek gosh yes I can sometimes fail to engage brain, must do better'. If he tuts, roles eyes and appears unamused then yes, a letter suggesting extra training would be entirely beneficial.

Hope your dd is feeling well at the mo.

Tough one. It depends on if you have a good relationship or not with the doctor in question. If you do, then I would just mention it to him next time that it was a bit off. If not, then a complaint.

I actually help train doctors doing medical roleplay and if this had been in an examination, it would have warranted a cause for concern form and it would've counted against the candidate.

I am still umming between complaining and just mentioning it to him next time.

I have never seen Little Britain, and have only ever known the word 'bitty' to be used as an insult.

Even if he meant it as a joke (and it is clearly NOT a slip of the tongue), then I would consider him to be a very insensitive doctor.

Why is everybody assuming that the GP was a "he"?

Because she calls him 'he' in her second post.

He was a 'he', so I assumed correctly.

Petersham - because the OP says 'he'?

I have seen the Little Britain sketch and it concerns an adult man being breastfed and asking for his 'bitty'. It's a joke sketch which didn't raise any complaints when shown on the TV. Since then I have heard people jokingly refer to breasts as bitty, even breastfeeding mums have used the term as a joke.

He probably regrets saying it now, it may well have been an ill-timed quip meant to put you at ease. If you have seriously not had any problems before with this GP then I would just have a word next time I saw him, saying something like "and by the way, it's not 'bitty'. I don't refer to my breastfeeding that way at all." If he didn't get the message from your "lovely" response (which he probably has done) then he would get it loud and clear then.

Doing it formally would only put you in an awkward position. I'm all for trying to resolve things directly than going behind the person's back. Give him a chance to apologise. I mean, who hasn't made a mistake in the past? Professionally or not? And would you have preferred the chance to rectify that mistake yourselves or would you have expected to be reported straight away?

If he doesn't apologise or he makes any other remark then you can complain to the surgery.

OK - missed it

Just wanted to check as I had similar comment at similar stage of bf from a female colleague which was def taken in good humour

I read the original post as the GP referring to your DD's insistence. I think he probably realised you were shouldering a lot and was trying to put you at ease, and even raise a smile. I'll bet he was really embarrassed when his joke fell flat.

shockers, I read it that way too. But I guess if you've never seen the sketch or are a tired and distracted mum, you might have taken offence at the word 'bitty' being used in such a way. Which I can fully understand, however I really don't think he meant any offence at all. That's why it's best dealt with directly.

That's appalling. Def write a letter or it will be on your mind for ages. Doesn't have to be heavy but it will get it off your chest and will (hopefully) save any future inappropriate comments. It obviously wasn't meant to be hurtful but a gentle "that wasn't on" wouldn't go amiss.