Trapped by BFing, wish I hadn't persevered

[PinkFondantFancy]

It was hard to establish BFing with DD, with problems with low milk supply, ductal thrush, colic, reflux etc but I persevered. 4.5 months in and I am on my knees with exhaustion. I can count on one hand the number of times she's slept longer than 3 hours in a row. Feel cheated because at the moment it takes all my energy to get through each day and it's very difficult to "enjoy these precious days, savour every moment" etc etc that I get told to do by people with babies that sleep through....

I can't see this getting better in the short or even medium term

• she refuses to take a bottle so getting anyone to have her while I have a sleep is out of the question
• I can't co sleep, the bed is too small
• I can't sleep while she's asleep in the day as she only naps for decent stretches if being pushed in the pram, so I end up walking miles every day.

I wish someone had told me how trapped I'd become by BF. if I'd had a crystal ball I don't tjink I would have persevered, it just isn't worth the enormous personal sacrifice. I really really need a decent stretch of sleep but I can't see how that's going to happen as there's no possibility of getting more than a couple of hours. I am beside myself with tiredness :(

i have wanted to join this thread since it started but am always feeding/settling/too busy/too tired. typing this while i hold sleeping 19wo ds. i too feel trapped by bfing and not a day goes by that I don't wish to give him a big bottle in th evening. he just won't settle well in the evening and i'm so fed up of crap grumpy dinners w/ dh. ds seems to still want to feed constantly and preferably be held by me all the time too... i am doing this for health benefits but i'm doing it thru gritted teeth.

titferbrains I would have written that exact post if I could type with one hand

I started cosleeping at just under 4 months with my DC1 as I felt much the same as you do, but I was lucky that we had a superking sized bed. As you don't have that, could you cosleep in your bed for her naps? There's a reasonable chance she'll fall asleep that way rather than having to be pushed, there's no DH to thrash around, and you could get a much-needed couple of hours of sleep in yourself (which right now is much more important than anything else you could be doing during her naptime).

On top of other advice, bear in mind that once she starts solids and is eating a reasonable amount it becomes much much easier to leave her with someone else even if she won't take a bottle, because they can just give her solids instead and she can catch up on milk intake once you are back.

Be careful that FF really is the magic bullet though. It doesn't always result in more sleep for everyone and it's too late to turn back if you find it just as bad as bfing.

DD4 needed ff supplementation as a newborn and I found the best time to get her to accept a bottle was the late afternoon feed, when she was at her grumpiest and I was at my busiest with homework and dinner prep for the older DCs, and when my supply was also at its lowest.

I totally sympathise with you, I'm sat here bf dc3 who is also 4 months. I hit the ' 4 month wall' at the wkend & had a miserable time realising that dd simply won't take a bottle however hard I try or whoever feeds her. I co sleep but basically never see my husband because of it. I'm permanently knackered & have done my usual rant at anyone who'll listen about how there is so much stuff about how great bf is, but nothing explaining the downsides of it (shhh, whisper that bit or someone might come along & tell me how selfish I am for wanting my life or body back!). Its tough, but it does get better...weaning being the next thing to try.

Might be contraversial but sometimes, whilst I'm sat nursing my baby, I ponder whether bf is still compatible with modern family life?

Anyhow, that's a whole different thread! Sit tight, it'll get better & you might even be posting again in 8 months saying you need advice on extended bf past 1yr!!

I'll also throw a curve ball in hear, just becasue you bottle feed doesn't mean it would be any easier.

A friend of mine was complaning the other day that her DD woun't take a bottle even from her Dad, she only wants her and will only take the miniamum from someone else. As only mummy seems to do.

If your baby is high needs then it doesn't matter how you feed that's just the way they are.

im at the 4 month mark too and finding it extremely hard. baby was getting a bottle at night but has been refusing it and so i have been stuck to the sofa every night, she doesn't go more than 2 hours during day without a feed and at night its cluster feeding...it gets so frustrating, back and bum sore from sitting! but i have wonderful times feeding her as well and just have to get through this hard stage somehow - it could be just they are growing more and getting ready to wean. i have tried to help myself by getting out a lot during the day, as by 4.40pm i know i will be in on the sofa - so i run around shopping/house stuff etc if i can before that so i am ready to sit down (never one to be able to relax too much) i have also just ordered a few dvds off amazon, make sure i have playlists on my laptop, my phone and snacks near and just try to make the most out of it. i have just lowered all my expectations especially for evenings and see it as my time with the baby. also, i am trying to offer the bottle at different time than just before bed to see if it helps - and tonight it did. we tried around 6, and she took most of it and it seemed to help with her fussiness the rest of the night while also allowing me a break to get dinner in peace.
you have come so far and done so well - it IS so hard but you are nearly at the stage where it will change for the better - i wish u luck with whatever you decide and hope things get easier.

Fair point migGril, my dc1 would take a bottle, but often only from me, so it didn't really help the tiredness situation anyway! I have to admit, I do enjoy the actual bf, but just not the tiredness part of it. However, I know & can see that dc3 ADORES the boob, so we'll just keep going til she decides food is more exciting!