Please help, I don't know where to turn

[Echocave]

i posted around 2 months ago when my dd had just been born. I was having major bf problems caused by various factors such as very low birth weight and a weak, jaundiced baby, loss of weight and immediately being told to top up with formula and - quite frankly - what ive realised over time is a lazy baby used to having milk poured in rather than having to do any work.

I'm posting again because I feel like I'm at the end of my tether. I hate to say this but after another rubbish feed dd has to now be topped up with expressed milk and probably formula. And I feel really furious with her. I've just burst into tears (away from her) of anger and frustration.

Dh has been supportive but we've started having really nasty rows as I am frequently hysterical about how much I want to breast feed dd and how I'm determined to make it work. But actually I don't think it can work

now. Her feeding is better but not good enough to be the sole food source (ive tried the odd feed of just bf and shes just not taking enough/there isnt enough milk to satusfy her). My milk supply is therefore better but not good enough and I spend so long expressing
or worrying about when I'll get time to express that I'm constantly stressed.
Feeds also take forever as I go through the rigmarole of breast feed, bottle of expressed milk then maybe some formula. This is agony in itself.
I feel so angry and disappointed and so annoyed with dd too. After all this work, we end up here.
Sorry this is an awful, long rant.

Yes I do. And I wind her to check it's not that. And sometimes change nappy or pretend to if she's falling asleep. I end up resorting to top ups or she'd starve. She's done it again just now. 10 minutes of feeding, 20 of messing about. So so frustrating.

I thought you would be doing it, but just thought I'd check.

So you don't think she's satisfied after 10 minutes of feeding?

Not really because 10 minutes later she's chewing her hand saying she's hungry. We do have a fundamental problem though which is that doing top ups she will have around 100 ml expressed milk and maybe even 20 ml formula after that at each feed and she won't be hungry fir about 3 and a half hours. So we're completely unused to the breast feeding pattern of many more frequent, possibly smaller feeds a day. (is that actually what happens with bf? I wouldn't know!) . So we see only sleeping for 45 mins or an hour as not a proper feed. When we tried just bf before her long sleep in the middle of the day she woke up after 45 minutes, I didn't think I had any milk left and we had to top up before she'd go to sleep.

OK, so what happens when you put her back on the other breast when she starts with the hand chewing? There is always milk there- breasts don't drain or empty.

I think you're right though- the pattern of feeding followed by a long sleep that you are describing is not something many breastfed babies do at this early stage. Breastmilk is digested so quickly that these frequent, shorts feeds are normal.

Like others, I would guess that she is getting frustrated with the slower flow of breast milk compared to the bottle and this is why she is fussing and pulling at the breast. You obviously do have a good supply- the frequent expressing will have seen to this so it's not that you don't have milk.

Hmmm. So the question is, is it possible to switch from one method to the other? Especially at 9 weeks?

Oh sorry, didn't answer your question. When I put her back she doesn't seem to knuckle down, it's as if she's too tired and hungry. I'm wondering if she's aware now that faster delivery milk is on it's way anyway so why bother.

Well, it should be possible.

You could give the SNS a try- that way she is still stimulating your supply, but she'll get the addded incentive of a bit of extra milk at the same time. They are a bit fiddly to start with, but once you get the hang of it, they're fine. You could put your expressed milk in to the container and gradually reduce this over time.

Oh and you give try breast compressions a go too if you haven't already. See here for more info.

and lastly- did any of the people you saw in the early days check dd for tongue tie? Just a thought.

Well she was tongue tied but hospital (where I spent 5 days due to dd's weight loss) didn't notice (well one midwife did but we were so overwhelmed with other stuff we didn't follow up). It was snipped at about 12 days I think. She still makes a clicking noise when she sucks but I've been told her tongue is now fine.

Sounds like she's had a tough start to her life.

Tongue ties do grow back sometimes, so it might be worth checking that.

How have things been today Echocave?

echo - been thinking of you too, how are you doing?

Yes she did have a tough start and I need to remember that and stop expecting too much of her.

The tongue was checked again about three weeks ago by a midwife at a feeding clinic and she said it was still ok.

We're doing ok mainly because I've eased up on us and realized that there's only so much she can do with breast feeding and that to improve will take time and more work. I know it's not recommended by experts but I'm keeping the breast feeds to half an hour and these days she only does 20 minutes and then won't go back on despite various efforts.
I know I really want to breast feed and I feel sad that it might have to stop if I can't find time to express (ie maintain milk supply) but I also don't want to be a miserable old moo of a mummy.