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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

How do/did you work night feeds with your DH?

28 replies

MuslinSuit · 17/01/2012 17:52

DH has had a wonderful 5 weeks of paternity leave Smile and it's hit me with a big kerthump now that he's back at work!

Babe is formula fed, and feeds every 3 hours-ish on demand day and night. We did feed him in shifts so that we would both get about 6 hours without getting up, obviously now DH is back at work that doesn't work...

We need to try different things until we find some kind of a routine, but does anyone have tips for what worked for you? DH is being all 'I'm so busy and important, I can't possibly be sleep-deprived' - cos obviously caring for a tiny human isn't as important as whatever it is he actually does as working! Hmm

I accept that I need to do the majority of feeds, but what would be reasonable?

TIA

OP posts:
OneLittleBabyGirl · 17/01/2012 18:29

I think you doing all the night feeds is only fair since you can catch up on sleep during the day. I slept a lot when DD naps during the early days. Also DH sometimes went to sleep in the guest room when he got too tired since obviously LO crying at night wakes everyone up.

In return say if he packs a lunch for work, maybe he can do an extra for you? Another in my NCT group has her DH took over cleaning duty in the evenings because it's 10 times faster to clean without having to look after a baby.

Basically it's up to you two to work out something. But it is indeed hard work to try to stay awake at meetings if you are sleep deprived.

OneLittleBabyGirl · 17/01/2012 18:31

Forgot to say DH took over cooking dinner too as I was always cluster feeding around dinner time. But I do some infrequent cleaning in the evenings when LO is asleep.

Bunbaker · 17/01/2012 18:33

I agree with OneLittleBabyGirl and I am one who suffers from sleep deprivation.

igggi · 17/01/2012 18:33

Everything is so difficult at this early stage he should at least help out with one feed (or nappy change) at night. You being sleep deprived can lead to problems too, though I'd agree you can do mornings a bit more slowly than someone out at work. Or, if you do all the nights during the week, could he take over completely at the weekend?

igggi · 17/01/2012 18:34

Oh, and short bursts of sleep during the day would never be enough to make me feel I'd "caught up!"

emsyj · 17/01/2012 18:35

DH slept in the spare room during the working week and sometimes slept in with us at weekends, but mostly he slept in the spare room then too and took DD in the morning for a couple of hours. DD wouldn't take a bottle so I had to get up to feed her anyway, seemed pointless for both of us to be knackered and I preferred for him to get a decent night's sleep and then relieve me of baby duty for a couple of hours here and there between feeds during the day.

I used to love the Saturday lie-ins when DH would come in, scoop DD up and I could just turn over and sleep really deeply for a couple of hours. Bliss!

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 17/01/2012 18:36

I BF so it was all me HOWEVER, we had a deal that after the 9pm (ish) feed I went to bed and dh dealt with whatever baby needed - winding changing and putting into basket etc until ds needed milk about 12, he bought ds to me in bed and i rolled over, fed bundle and he snuggled quickly back to sleep.

dh was in bed at 12 and I did the night shift from then on.

Not sure if that helps at all
Congratulation on your new baby!

OneLittleBabyGirl · 17/01/2012 18:37

I'm more worried about DH sleep deprived and driving. Grin I find I need not that much concentration looking after a baby. It's a different type of hard work than work work. But I enjoyed it very much.Smile

BrianButterfield · 17/01/2012 18:40

I BF and did (do!) everything at night. DH gets up at 6.30 and I am often still asleep when he leaves. He has a job which needs as clear a head as possible, whereas I can slump watching TV all day holding the baby if I want. I think this is fair (I do the same job as him and in my opinion it's much easier to be at home than working).

bagelmonkey · 17/01/2012 18:40

I BF, but I'd suggest asking your DH to do either a late night (before midnight) or not-too-early eg 6 am feed. That would allow you catch up by going to bed early or getting a bit longer in the morning.
DH deals with our DD from 6am until he goes to work.

Original poster
MuslinSuit · 17/01/2012 18:46

Thanks folks... I guess I do need to be doing all the feeds really... it's just a shock as DH and I have been entirely sharing all of babe's care so far. I had a cs with various complications and recovery has been rocky, so it's even amazing having him here and he's more than happy to take a really full role with everything. Major advantage of formula feeding! Do you all bf? I think it's pretty different - faffing about with sterilising bottles and boiling water takes ages too.

It was on MN that I read that a good start is to think of everything being split down the middle when H gets in from work, ie that his work is 9-5 but mine is 24/7 so it's only fair to have an equal split when he gets in. It seems I'm being unreasonable according to you lot about sleep though!

I'm feeling particularly shattered today as DH ended up working late on his first day back yesterday, not getting back til 10pm, then today babe has been awake literally all day, only just snoozing now.

OP posts:
Gigondas · 17/01/2012 18:47

Use cartons at night - have them and sterilised bottle out ready.

EMS23 · 17/01/2012 18:50

My DH doesn't work and when I went back to work at 6 months I still did night wakings as I genuinely think it's easier to do a day at work after a poor nights sleep than it is to spend all day looking after a baby. My job is office based though, maybe a physical job would be less easy to perform on broken sleep.

That said, by then she was only up once in the night, twice at most. At 5weeks old my DD was also on 3 hrly feeds and I did 9pm then went to bed while my DH stayed up for the midnight feed and I did 3am & 6am. She wasn't a good sleeper though so how much sleep either of us got varied greatly!!

Its all very well saying you can sleep in the day but my DD wouldn't sleep during the day, unless on me or DH so that's not always possible.

If he really can't help at night during the week then giving you a night off or a lie in at the weekend should be offered I think.

Original poster
MuslinSuit · 17/01/2012 18:51

Bagel I think that seems like the way forward then. If DH looks after babe say from 10pm, and comes to bed with babe at around midnight.

I need to get a mini fridge and another kettle for upstairs - it's such a faff going downstairs to sort bottle with hungry baby during the night. Bf considerably easier in that respect.

I don't want to start a competition about whether it's harder being at home or working btw.

OP posts:
Yama · 17/01/2012 18:53

Talking about most resent dc. I bf so did all the night feeds. However, two things - dh collected ds and put him back, then at around 7 months when I night weaned he took over ALL night wakenings until ds slept though. We thought it wouldn't be fair to ds to smell my milk.

If you are going back to work then your dh is going to have to deal with the night time issues then isn't he? Lots of us (men and women) deal with dc at night and then go to work. It's just life.

crazygracieuk · 17/01/2012 18:53

I wOuld do Sunday night to Thursday night and get your h to do Friday and Saturday.

Original poster
MuslinSuit · 17/01/2012 18:54

Gig - I've been making up 3 bottles and keeping in fridge for reheating for night feeds but cartons might be the way forward.

EMS - thank you for a different pov! Don't feel quite so unreasonable now.

OP posts:
FleetwoodandFairycakes · 17/01/2012 18:56

Mine was on formula by this stage too (although had huge crying fits from 5pm - 10/11pm ish from about 4 - 7 weeks). At that time my husband had just gone back to work too (4 weeks pat leave plus 10 days over xmas) and was having to work late and wasn't getting home until 9/10ish. Whereupon I would hand him screaming child and go to bed. He would deal with her and feed the last feed and settle her then I would do anything after that until morning. Then his work settled down and I would go to bed at 9ish, he would feed her at 11ish and then settle etc and then she would next wake any time from 1am but those feeds were mine.

He works very long hours in a pretty intellectually demanding job and did need to be on form the next day. I could sleep in the day with the baby (in reality I rarely did) if I felt exhausted. At the weekends we swapped (ie he went to bed early and did the night feeds and I did the late feed). When it settled down a bit more we did one night shift each at the weekends.

That was what worked for us but I know people whose husbands did night feeds too. Whatever works for you really.

Good tip re cartons at night!

LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 17/01/2012 18:59

I do all night feeds (BF). I work full time and have an evening job too. DH is SAHD. I'm exhausted, but neither have ever taken bottles. :(

Original poster
MuslinSuit · 17/01/2012 19:00

Fleetwood - thanks, that sounds like me and DH and would I guess be a starting point.

We slept in separate rooms for the majority of his pat leave, and I want to avoid this if poss Sad seems like all work and no reward for both of us without sharing our marital bed, and I worry it would just become the norm. I know it makes sense to, it's just rubbish though.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuslinSuit · 17/01/2012 19:01

Loopy - respect! I have literally no idea how you survive.

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 17/01/2012 19:03

Not sure either. You'll figure it out. :)

OhFraktiousTree · 17/01/2012 19:13

I do all nights and have done since DH went back. Very few lie in opportunities either Sad

We BF and cosleep though which has meant I can actually function!

HappyAsASandboy · 17/01/2012 19:26

I do them (bf). Did them through maternity leave and still doing them now back at work (3 months back). I didn't think I could do it, but to be honest I think my maternity leave year of sleep deprivation (no napping in day as twins rarely napped at same time!) trained me to function on little sleep.

DH sleeps in spare room so i can cosleep with DTs. Couldn't do it without cosleeping.

You need to find a solution that works for your family. It doesn't have to be 'fair', it has to work. It took me a long time to realise that it working is more important than it being fair.

flamegirl77 · 17/01/2012 21:08

I have another bottle refuser. Before she took against them my husband fed her if she was hungry between me going to bed and midnight. Now I do all the feeds and he does what he can in other areas. I wouldn't ask him to get up regularly but there have been bad nights where he's got up with the baby if she isn't settling after feeding for hours. I wouldn't ask him to do this regularly though. TBH I think I deal with lack of sleep better than he does.