18 week old needing breast to sleep

[Areallytiredwoman]

Not sure whether to post this here or sleep but its seems more of a BFing issue.

Unfortunately I have allowed DD 18 weeks to fall asleep at the breast. She will not settle to sleep without BFing now and I am the only one who can settle her to sleep for this reason. She even has a preferred side and will cry if I try the other one resulting in a painful engorged breast as she still sleeps after every feed. I am expressing but it is a pain in the backside to be honest. The preferred side is relatively recent although no symptoms of ear infection.

If her dad tries to settle her or I try to settle without offering my boob she cries. I have tried to rock her to sleep but give up after five minutes as she becomes really distressed. I also have to settle her in the night if she wakes and isn't hungry.

Not only am I exhausted as sleep has recently become more disturbed and DP feels a bit useless, I am going back to work so she needs to learn to settle with others.

She will not take a bottle and does not have a dummy.

Any tips? Anyone else been here and changed how their baby is comforted to sleep?

Have you tried a dummy? (Try tapping it gently for a few minutes if she doesn't want it at first.) Are you averse to cosleeping?

The bfing to sleep doesn't last forever, mine grew out of it around 10 months, and I was back at work fulltime (up at 5.00 a.m. back at 7.00 p.m.) from 3 months onwards, so it's not impossible if your DH can do other things like make dinner, do the washing, etc. for a few weeks.

It maybe that she is picking up on DH's feelings of stress and insecurity, which is making her crying worse. Many babies love the deep notes of a man's voice, so maybe he can try singing to her.

Good luck and remember that this is normal behaviour - our children are designed to be comforted by booby in the early months.

Thats really reassuring world, I kind of thought that she would grow out of it when she weans but was getting panicky. It's the thought of her becoming tired and distressed and wondering where her mummy has gone (I know that babies adjust and this is my hang up ).

DH is an old hat at the dad thing and stays really calm (more so than I do) - she prefers to snuggle with dad and play with me. She won't have a dummy (we have tried). I would rather not co-sleep as DH is a deep sleeper and snores very loudly - we have moved her into her own room, partly because of this and partly because her cot won't fit in out room and she outgrew her moses basket.

I have started to give her a silky, soft taggy type thing when I am BFing so she associates this with comfort but I don't know if it will help.

Watching with interest as I'm in a very similar situation - same age, same issues with nursing to sleep. We co-sleep about 50% of the time, but I sleep MUCH better without DS wriggling next to me! DS refuses to nap for more than 20-30 mins during the day unless I'm plugged in to him, which is getting more and more impractical!

I just started working on the No Cry Sleep Solution, introducing the Pantley Pull-Off (!) but haven't seen much success so far. I guess it takes time. Also introduced a lovey (which is actually a hat that he likes) to put between us as he feeds, I also walk round with it up my bra in the vain hope he'll sleep better/longer with it on the nights he's in his cot (which is right next to my bed so it's not much of a hardship to roll over and pick him up in the night).

My instincts tell me to keep feeding - it's easier, quicker, comfort for both of us, but outside voices and practicality (particularly during the day) are creeping in....

oh I do detest those outside voices. They really knocked my confidence.
My DS was a clingy baby, can't remember when he stopped needing a boob to sleep, but I used the no cry sleep solution and it worked, to a certain extent, with me. I still had to be in the room with him but at least not plugged in or snuggled close.
I co slept until 9 months, but I loved it.
I also just accepted that when DS went to bed, so did I, for about a half hour or so. I actually found it quite restful. I kept it up until he was about 2.5 just because I liked the cuddles and the rest Quite sad when he started pushing me away.
For a good while, DS co slept with DD. We put her guest bed next to her bed and his cot against that. So It was a massive big bed for them with a space in the middle for me, when I was needed.
ah, I miss those days

This is normal, age-appropriate behavior and needs....it will pass as she grows. It is easier to accept rather than to fight it at this stage :)

Thank you

I could have written your post re. my DS who's 19w. I try and stir him before putting him in the cot so he's conscious, I think, that he has been put in the cot before zzzzzz. Not sure if this counts though and in worried about the habit we seem to have now. He also pushes the bottle out with his tongue... That's an ongoing battle..!

It's normal and totally appropriate! Enjoy it while you can! See below.
www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comfortnursing.html

Littleone -I can't put her down awake, anyone would think I had laid her on a bed of nails the way she carries on!
Nap times are a nightmare because she knows as soon as I take her off my breast and cries, wakes up, remains wide awake and then is grumpy and doesn't know what to do with herself all day

Actually I would rather like to spend all day with my girl snuggled to my breast but the other children want feeding, I need to bath and stuff

OP, it's hard, no doubt about it.

But fighting it and trying to work out how to change it (this age-appropriate behaviour, I mean) is harder than accepting it and working your life around it....it will not last, and when babies' needs are for closeness and contact are met, these needs become less intense.

Working your life around it means adapting the care of the other children, working out ways of keeping your baby close and your hands free, drafting in help from others where possible, lowering standards :) of tidiness, cleanliness whatever....knowing all the time this stage does not last.

I think there is a high needs baby support thread in this folder; this might be worth a read :)

That makes a lot of sense tiktok and it's good knowing that it is indeed age appropriate and something the little ones should grow out of in due course. I am lucky because I only have DS and can drop everything else to just be here with him. It must be quite a handful with other DC ....! DS is feeding to zzzzz now and it really is lovely.