lots of little issues resulting in big stress! any advice appreciated.

[tonialaw84]

My DS was born 3 weeks ago and is ebf, he only goes between 1 hour and 2 hrs at nite. Last 3 nites wnt go down in moses basket, I feed him to sleep put him dwn 10 mins or less later he wakes. I try to shush and rock him off it never works so pick him up and he wants feeding again so the cycle carries on. Due to bein so tired I hav fallen asleep feeding him in bed, this worries me as my DP smokes and is VERY heavy sleeper ( has no problem sleepin through nite only wakes up if I wake him) should I try a dummy? Feel like I would be judged by my family especially my mum who hates them! Never used one with my DD but she wasn't as sucky as DS, think he sucks for comfort a lot during day and night. Should I introduce any formula or expressed yet? I worry relationship with DD is bein affected by BF alone becoz I ALWAYS feeding baby and don't have time to play (she is 7 years old) the lack of sleep on top is makin me more snappy and impatient with her too (especially at bedtime) I am very worried bout this and feel very guilty often end up telling her off then crying then appologising to her. She is playing up sometimes but its only to be expected. DP tries to help but he is not her dad and they are still building relationship and its still me she wants. He takes DS but often calls me back simply because he wants to be on my breast. Think DP finds this hard as he wants to be a hands on dad but can't settle DS a lot of the time. I also had a stressful labour which I keep dwellin on and feel negative about its makin me avoid visitors as I dread being asked about it. I'm tryin to sleep during day but in between visitors, health visitors, school run, housework and breastfeeding its not happening! Feel a bit of a failure

Well first off you are not a failure at all you're doing really well! I'm no expert and I'm sure someone with better advice will come along soon but this all sounds v normal to me. You might want to try going to a baby cafe for some face to face support though as they are v knowledgeable and helpful.

Your DD loves you very much and I'm sure understands. You'll feel much better soon and she won't remember a few grumpy days.

Hang on in there and just go with what your instincts tell you.

Good luck!

This is all normal for a little baby. If you introduce formula now you risk keeping up bf as your baby is trying to build up supply hence all the feeds.
Do you have a spare room you could use for co sleeping? It can be done safely and will be a life saver for the first few weeks/months. my DD is 6 weeks and sleeps with me and dh is in another room. She stopped settling in the basket at 2 weeks. I'll put her straight in her cot (in my room) in the next few weeks if she'll let me!

I have avoided a dummy and have been advised to for the first 6 weeks otherwise you can miss baby's hunger cues until it's a bit late.

DOnt worry about your DP not being able to settle baby. Normal - as they get to know each other it'll get easier. DD will not settle for dh bit that's usually because she's tired (wants boob) or hungry.

Can you pop baby in a sling and do things with your DD? I can cook clean etc with DD in our sling and play with DS. He's only 2 so demands a lot of my time and this is the only thing that works.

Hi! My DS is 7 months and is ebf. It all sounds pretty normal to me. My DS was feeding every hr at that stage, felt like I had permanently got my boobs out so I sympathise! But it does get better! I got round it mainly by co sleeping, may not be an option for you though so I would consider the dummy. I always said I wouldn't give a dummy but DS was on the breast at one point every 45 mins! He was drinking so much that he was being sick all the time so I did resort to a dummy as I knew alot of it was comfort sucking. I gave him a nam silk teat when he was about 4 weeks old and breastfeeding was established. This did help but don't expect a miracle, DS still fed 2 to 3 hrly for some time. Was better than 1 hrly though!!! Breastfed babies will always feed for comfort to some degree! He does still have it now but i am a sensible mother and it isn't glued to his mouth all the time. I use it sparingly when I feel he needs comforting but not necessarily by feeding. Go with your instincts!
As for the feeding round the clock, breastfed babies will always feed more than bottle fed babies as breastmilk is easier to digest than formula. It's hard work and labour intensive but Its worth it. Perhaps you could cuddle up with both children whilst doing some of the feeds. Latch the little one on and read the bigger one a story at the same time? Maybe she won't feel so left out.

Your baby is still really young and feeding often, wanting to be close to you sounds totally normal. This tricky stage will pass, he will get used to DP, your dd will get a little more attention soon. Until then whatever gets you through it - Cbeebies, playdates for dd, accept any offers of help eg houseowrk, cooking, schoolrun.

I found co-sleeping a lifesaver but you shouldn't have the baby in a bed with dp if he is a smoker. You should always be between baby and father anyway. Can you do any re-arranging so you have a safe place to crash with the baby - we have a double on the floor while dh sleeps elsewhere. Doesn't have to be forever just so you can rest while feeding.

About the birth, I found a de-brief session with a midwife from the hospital really helped to make sense of what had happened and why. Ask HV or phone labour ward.

Thank you so much for all advice I'm new to this site its like a secret society of mums! Sunday was a crap day ds had done sleep an hour feed up to 2 hours all nite. I'd got 3 separate hrs sleep only. Got cross with dd in morning and shouted at her then we both cried and I guiltily appologised, felt AWFUL. She is such a loving big sister and we have lots of story and cuddle time with baby and I still read her a story every night and get her ready for school every morning while ds sleeps. It is my patience and reaction time that is the prob I either end up shouting which I hardly ever used to or I just tell her to do what she wants as I'm too tired to argue, she is quite strong willed and always has been. I'm turning inti a mum I don't want to be and it is unfair on her. DS fed most of day except when we were out. We went to my mums for a family dinner which resulted in me leavin the table in tears and sat in spare room nursing for 2 hrs. Mum offered to have DD for the night which left me feelin a mixture of relief (no double bedtime to get through) and failure (can't cope with my two children) worry the more time she spends with my parents the more divided as a family we will become. Returned home with DP determined to try dummy so I can get more rest. He cannot understand my issue against and thinks I should not care what others think ( I come from family of dummy snobs and pro BF he comes from family of dummy users AND BF) I agreed to try so I bf ds gave him to dp and went to bed. Dp managed to settle ds with dummy. I fed him again 2 hrs later. Hate the way it looks in his tiny mouth! Gonna see how it goes though as don't want to stop bf. I feel stopping feeding would be letting ds down but continuing the way I hav is letting dd down

You are not letting down your dd, soon breastfeeding will actually make everyone's life easier as you won't waste time on all the cleaning and prep faff plus you can go out for as long as you want without having to plan and lug around a load of stuff for feeding. ALso its free, more money for everyone in the family.

Sounds like you are doing really well if you are still doing bedtime stories and getting ready for school on so little sleep. Apologising is exactly the right thing to do as it models good behaviour to her, ie you expect her to apologise if she is in the wrong, so its good for to see you do the same.

This will pass, just focus on getting through each day.