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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Ending BF, starting formula...

13 replies

MixedBerries · 14/01/2012 23:00

Well, DS is now 13 weeks and today we've come to the sad decision to stop bf. He had a tongue tie so feeding got off to a very bad start and he's never got the hang of it. Until now I've been expressing and bf. Initially, the idea was to feed from the breast as much as poss and top up with expressed. We tried and tried and tried but it's not working and now he completely refuses to feed from the breast and I can't cope with all of it.
Was diagnosed with pnd last week so need to take meds and today the mw team called to say they need the breast pump I'm loaning back. So nothing to express with anyway. And I need to sleep instead of getting up a thousand times in the night or day to express after already having had to sterilise and make up bottles of ebf. Going a bit mad really. So so sad but we've decided this is the best for all.
So, my question really is...tell me about formula. Are there any good websites/resources? I never ever thought I'd use it so have no idea at all. Are some brands better than others? How much do they need? Do you still feed on demand? Can you keep made up bottles in the fridge? How do you know you're not overfeeding? And finally, please re-assure me I'm not killing him! This is such a hard decision.
Thanks.

OP posts:
Albrecht · 14/01/2012 23:10

Sorry to hear you have had such a tough time. Have you thought about phoning one of the breastfeeding helplines as a part of coming to terms with all the issues you've had - like closure perhaps?

Sorry I know little about formula but I know all brands are basically the same as the recipe is regulated, the rest is just marketing and rumour (eg one is closer to breastmilk - not true). ALso yes feeding on demand is a very good idea as you will be responding to your babies cues and avoid risk of overfeeding, in particular don't give in to the temptation to get them to finish the bottle if they don't seem keen.

If this it for you and breastfeeding then try and think of the positive, all that breastmilk he has had so far and the hard work you have put into it. Formula will of course not kill him, it does the job.

Sorry to hear about the pnd, I found counselling really helped.

sittinginthesun · 14/01/2012 23:12

Have a very unmumsnet hug from me. X

It will be fine. I am a bit out of practise, and can't remember the details, but I formula fed my eldest from 10 days, and was heartbroken at the time, but it was absolutely fine. He is a thriving, healthy, strong 8 year old now.

Personally, I found Aptimel the best, and demand fed (which settled into a routine by 3 months). I did find overfeeding a problem as he was a very hungry baby, but I kept a check on his growth charts.

I went onto breastfeed DS2 for 4 months, then mix fed until 7 months.

Good luck. X

HumptyDumpty2 · 14/01/2012 23:24

Firstly, you are not killing him. Well done for getting so far with breastfeeding, you are still a fantastic mother and choosing the best for both of you Smile

There are guidelines on the packet to give a rough guide for how much, there is also a calculation but I've forgotten Blush demand feeding is always the best though, noone wants to eat when they're not hungry or go hungry!

Bottles can be made up in advance, but it's always best to make up fresh. Powder must be added to water of 70 degrees C to ensure all bacteria in the powder is killed, then cooled quickly and stored in the back of the fridge for 12 hours max.

When we switched dd to formula at 6months we found the easiest way was to buy a flask and sterilise the inside (with tablets) then fill with cooled boiled water and store in fridge, then just boil a small amount of water and check temp with a thermometer till it gets to 70 then add a small amount of this water + powder and shake and then add whatever's left with fridge water (takes testing to get measurements of each right for temp) then it was ready straight away Smile

Goodness me apologies for the essay!!

HumptyDumpty2 · 14/01/2012 23:25

Btw that comment about choosing the best meant what you feel is best for your situation Smile

TruthSweet · 14/01/2012 23:33

I'm so sorry it hasn't worked out the way you envisaged. Do allow your self time to grieve this if you feel like you need to. You can still talk to a bfing counsellor about stopping (hence the counsellor bit!) so don't be afraid to call one of the helplines or have a visit.

Good resources for formula feeding :-WHO guide to making up formula feeds,
guide on how to bottle feed responsively (I'm sure you are already but it's a good one as it has lots of tips that you may not have heard (or a quick refresherSmile),
report on infant milks in the UK

Hopefully they will answer your questions but in brief:-

Are there any good websites/resources? - Unfortunately there isn't much out there on formula milks that isn't manufacturer based (I've had a look on the formula brands forums and they are fairly frightening esp. after MN).

Are some brands better than others? - No, they are all much of a muchness (content is regulated except for the more recent additions like fish oils etc) so all will provide the standard amount of nutrition, it's just a case of trying a brand and seeing if baby likes it, if not then try another. Just keep to stage 1 (newborn to 12m) as stage 2 is difficult to digest (deliberately so to ward off early solids).

How much do they need? Try starting with 3oz and seeing if that is enough, if not make up 4oz and so on. You will probably need around 30oz a day though some babies will take less and some more. If baby is taking excessive amounts like 9oz a go or 50oz a day then try offering a dummy, or switching down a teat size. You probably won't notice too much difference between bottle feeding EBM and formula TBH.

Do you still feed on demand? Yes, it's now recommended to ff on demand. Just follow the same cues as before.

Can you keep made up bottles in the fridge? - Yes but freshly made is the recommended (and safest) way. If you do decide to make up bottles in advance, the important bits are - >70C water in bottles, add powder, chill quickly (bowl of ice cold water), then refridgerate for no more than 24hrs (the shorter time the better. Don't add powder to cold boild water except in an emergency it's the least safe prep method (barring doing that than storing on a window sill in summer!).

Cartons and disposable sterile bottles are good for having in your change bag in case of an emergency or hold up in getting home.

How do you know you're not overfeeding? - The how to bottle feed guide has some good info on what to look for (starfish hands/splayed toes being one sign of being overwhelmed).

In answer to your final point - you have done so much for your baby, and there comes a time when all of us have to stop (in everything in life not just bfing).

Please, please be kind to yourself and get as much help as you can with the PND, don't let others take over your son as it's so tempting for others to 'help' by taking a baby from a mum with PND so she can rest but if it happens to often it's not good for mum's recovery as she can feel like she's not good enough (it's not good for baby either to be looked after by a succession of people rather than a few loved ones like mum, dad and GPs), let others who want to help do everything but look after your son (nothing wrong with you having a break though).

Nothing like taking a break from housework to have a walk in the sunshine with baby in the pram, to come home to a clean house courtesy of a kind friend.

I've had PND, and got out the other side. We are legion, I tell you, you'll be surprised just how many mums have had PND, PTSD, PNP.....you are not alone (hugs) and some Thanks

Figgygal · 15/01/2012 07:26

I am in a similar boat to you but my DH only 3 weeks, from day 3 he's been on mixed feeding due to my supply issues and we ended up back in hospital day 5 due to 12% loss from birth weight . I've tried everything to boost it, offering breast , electric pump and hand expressing, skin to skin, gone to local BF group and now on fenugreek and it's just not happening. He needs a full bottle of formula after every feed and expressing from both breasts generates less than 10 mls. I said I will persevere to end of the month but when he is screaming at me hysterically in the middle of the night I have to admit my resolve waivers and I stick the bottle in which only makes the supply matters worse as he's not Been on long enough.

Basically I've been using SMA infant gold as it was first 1 we got in for emergencies and have been told to stick to 1 brand. Can't advise on preparation we still buying the ready made cartons which is more expensive and am seemingly shopping constantly to maintain supply but the powder to me is admitting defeat so not ready for that yet.

I think you've done amazingly well so far and I know it's a tough decision it's one im still struggling with good luck!!

MixedBerries · 15/01/2012 11:38

Thanks everyone. That's helped. Thanks

OP posts:
metalelephant · 15/01/2012 11:48

MixedBerries, you've done so well, succeeded in breastfeeding your baby for that most important first trimester of life - you should be proud of yourself!

I hope you get some lovely sleep asap! Smile

MixedBerries · 15/01/2012 11:57

Thanks Metalelephant. I hope you're doing well. I feel so sad about this and can't stop crying even though I know it's probably for the best. :(

OP posts:
metalelephant · 15/01/2012 16:30

Please give yourself a break... You gave it your best shot and you did succeed in breastfeeding, the first three months are the most important. And you went through all the stress of breastfeeding and expressing and bottlefeeding and if it wasn't for your little one preferring the bottle you'd probably still be at it!

I know just how difficult things have been, you really owe it to yourself to appreciate how brilliantly you've done, so many babies don't even get any colostrum whereas yours had the best possible start in life.

Sending you a great big hug and hope to hear some happy updates from you soon!

sittinginthesun · 15/01/2012 18:25

I agree, you have done fantastically well, and your LO will be absolutely fine. Xxx

weasle · 15/01/2012 19:18

Well done for bf all this time. It's more than most babies get so you have definitely done well.

Not much to add except similar happened to me. Bf didn't work out with ds1 and I switched to ff at 4m and was so upset.
When pg again I read more and got more help and bf ds2 until almost 3 yrs and bfing ds3 at 20m now. And now I feel sad about what happened with ds1 and let down by poor support from family and hcp but I do not think I could have done any different given the lack of support so do not blame myself and feel fine about it and you will too with time.

MixedBerries · 15/01/2012 19:20

Thank you again everyone.

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