Undermined

[lightsandshapes]

cutting a long story short my ds spent first 10 days of his life in a nicu and I had no ski to skin til he left. Very traumatic. I stayed sane by expressing bm for him and we learned to bf just as we were leaving nicu. It has been very healing for ds and me to bf. But now it is being undermined by the health visitor. As he wasn't putting on weight quick enough I have agreed to hv suggestion of bottle formula supplements twice a day AFTER bfing. However hv has come up with a lot of crap about it not affecting bfeeding, not all woman can feed etc. My partner has taken hv literally and I caught him feeding ds formula behind my back to ds in the shower. Went mad at him. We had a big fall out. So worried about my supply and feel so undermined by hv and dp. I have been crying all day. Advice please

Call La Leche League 0845 120 2918 and go to your local breast feeding clinic. Also, ask to see an HV that supports breast feeding. You can do this, but you need help, encouragement and your baby needs to feed plenty to keep up supply. Feed on demand, lots of cuddles and skin to skin and lots of drinks for you to keep you hydrated.

Well done for posting on here but you need lots of real life support right now so don't be afraid to pick up the phone.

Agree with happycamel. You need RL support.

Can you point out to your dp that HV's are notoriously limited when it comes to knowledge about breastfeeding, and often advise according to their opinion, rather than the up to date advice you would get from a BFcouncillor.
I hope you get this sorted out soon :)

It's a shame your not being support well by your HV, topping up can sometimes be need but is usealy the last resort and may things can be done with breastfeeding first. Feeding more offten at lest every 2hours during the day, switch nursing which is offering multiple breasts at each feed.

You really do need some good RL help and to get your DH on board to. Try one of the helplines.

National Breastfeeding Helpline
0300 100 0212

The Breastfeeding Network Supporterline
0300 100 0210

NCT Breastfeeding Helpline
0300 330 0771

Gosh, you poor thing. You've worked so hard and have come so far.

Firstly, I would say that while your OH was not right to feed formula behind your back, he's clearly done so out of love and worry for you and your baby. The key is to re-direct that concern into support for the way that you know is the safest option, both now and in the long run.

Can you maybe give him information to read on the risks of formula feeding and the ways that breastmilk helps babies, especially those who have had a tough start? Here's some suggestions:

[[http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/milk/infant-formula.html]
www.infactcanada.ca/RisksofFormulaFeeding.pdf
www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2010/12/when-you-can-prove-formula-is-nearly-as.html

Both Kelly and the Armadillo are IBCLCs (highest level of qualification in lactation there is).

Your HV is kind of contradicting herself and of course she's wrong, which you clearly understand.

Tell me about your supply worries, why you are concerned, and also can you give more details about in what way he's not putting on weight quick enough? How are they defining this?

You might want to phone one of the helplines. They're open until 9 or 10pm and will really help you and also your partner if he will be involved in the phone call. All the people who answer the phones on the major phone lines are qualified "Breastfeeding Counsellors" which is around a 3 year diploma level training course specifically in infant feeding, rather than the HV who will have a few days training, unless she's done additional courses, which sounds unlikely given what she's said to you.

NCT: 0300 330 0700
ABM: 08444 122 949
LLL:0845 120 2918
BfN: 0300 100 0212

sigh I need to learn to type faster. Sorry.

Agree with getting support with the breastfeeding. It's also really important that you talk to your DH about this. When you are feeling more positive about it all, try to share some of the information with him and get him on side. A lot of men like to know facts rather than talk about your feelings (sorry for generalisation). I know some Dads who didn't really understand the breastfeeding thing initially but became very vocal supporters once they were given some info about it all! It will all be much easier if you have got DH fully behind you.

Btw my breastfed babies all dropped down the percentiles in the first few weeks. They were perfectly healthy but some babies just do. Luckily for me I had a supportive HV.