I'm not enjoying natural term breastfeeding

[cornflakegirl]

DS2 is 2.4 and has breastfeeds first thing and last thing. Which is fine - except that he asks for feeds a lot more. I've just had 2 weeks off work over Christmas and he must have asked for mummy milk 10-20 times a day, generally sticking his hands down my top at the same time. He's usually fine when I say no, and if actually hungry or thirsty can generally be distracted with a cup of milk or a banana.

But I'm just getting tired of it. DS1 was never like this - he fed till he was about 3.8, but only twice a day, never really asked for it at other times. I don't know if I want to give up - I think DS2 would be really upset, and it is quite handy for some extra time in bed if he pulls an early morning. But is there a way to stop him asking so often?

Have you tried talking to him about it? Just a simple, 'not now, Mummy milk is for bedtime.' I found DS would go ages without a feed if I wasn't around, but would try for a lot more feeds if he knows it is available!

Maybe a chart of what happens each day to reinforce it - look - we wake up, have some milk then get up for breakfast - blah blah - then bedtime we have some milk and go to sleep.

DS weaned about a year ago now though, seems like ages now He told me the other day that I don't have any babies any more, they are all growed up.

My DD1 is a boob monster too, I'd be on the sofa breastfeeding all day if she had her way! She is 3.2 yo so a bit older than yours but I found when she was about that age I was able to negotiate a bit or distract, like lets play this game first or lets go to the park for a bit or offer a snack or drink instead. DD2 is only 10 mo and doesn't want BF nearly as much as DD1- they're all different.

I have read that some mothers have success if they choose a special chair for BF and don't feed anywhere else, then only sit in it when it's time to BF.

I am not surprised you are feeling a bit fed up.

I think its understandable that you don't want to feed a two year old 10 to 20 times a day. Its like breastfeeding a newborn.

I fed ds until 33 months and dd to 22 months. Sometimes there needs to be comprise between a child's desires and a mother's needs. Natural term breastfeeding doesn't mean being a doormat and a slave to your child. Distraction and postphoning a feed are useful tactics. Also looking at your routine, for example does your child associate you sitting in a particular with a breastfeed.

I found with my children they tended to ask for milk more when they were bored. I think its worth looking at your child's needs in general. Is ds2 teething, is he getting the chance to get out the house and run about. As children get older they learn to be mothered in a variety of ways.

I also think that mixing with like minded mothers help, it helps to have people who truely understand what its like to feed a toddler. I really recommend the La Leche League.

With ds I got into a terrible state about weaning and his feelings about it. I took my son to Whipsnade as bit of distraction. One of the chimpanezes had a son the same age as my little boy. The mother punched her son in the head when he demanded too many feeds. Although I don't share the chimps approach to parenting, I felt empathy.

I definitely find that DS asks for milk more when something is lacking for him, either he's bored, or we're not getting out as much as we usually would, or I'm not spending enough tome with him, or he's stressed by a change happening in his life in general.

Perhaps he is missing his nursery friends and/or the high activity he's used to at nursery?

I mean, if you've noticed this as an unusual thing over Christmas.

The thing is if he is asking to nurse when not hungry/thirsty, he must need that connection with you that bfing brings (and you've ruled out boredom too).

So delaying him or telling him no isn't really going to work any more than telling a child who has fallen and hurt their arm, that you won't give them a cuddle because they had a cuddle earlier in the day, will make them stop crying and learn to self-comfort.

I'm not saying you should martyr yourself to bfing and just let them nurse 24/7 no matter what you are doing/feeling but their needs are important too, and if the child goes through a period of time when they can't (for what ever reason) cope with just nursing twice a day at proscribed times, then perhaps the something that gives is us. We have coping mechanisms that children do not.

Could you try asking your son if he really needs to nurse or if a cuddle or a story snuggled up with you would be ok instead? That way you can give your son another option and he may decide that a story with Mummy would be good or that no bfing is the only thing that will work to help him.

You can also set ground rules like, no nursing if you fiddle, ask nicely (my 2.3y says 'Bah, p'ees Mummy' and has done for a while), no nursing if Mummy is doing X/sitting on X chair (or conversely - if mummy is sitting in the easy chair in the sitting room you can nurse), etc. Being clear and consistent but flexible if the situation demands it helps.

My DDs aren't allowed to bf if I am in the bathroom (after DD1 infamously mugging me when I was sitting on the loo) and I never allow fiddling while nursing but DD3 is allowed to 'honk' while being held as she has done that from tiny and too ill to nurse so I was loathe to stop it and if they ask it has to be politely (from when they can speak but not before ). They also know if I postpone a feed, I will nurse them when I say I will (e.g. I can't now, I am folding the washing, we will have bah when I have finished and we do). It works well and DD2 is nursing at 4y & DD2 is 2.3y without too many complaints

I hope you find a way forward that works for all of your family.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

He does know that he doesn't get milk until bedtime (unless he's ill or something), and when he asks, I tell him he can have milk at bedtime. Which he usually accepts - but it won't stop him asking again 5 minutes later. Feeds are in his bed or mine.

I don't think he was particularly bored. He's usually at home with his Dad, and with DS1 outside school hours, doing whatever he fancies. He had more organised activities and more people around during the holiday than normal. He's quite happy to play by himself for a bit, or to hare off round the house with his brother. Distraction does work well - so if he asks for milk, a story or a game of snap can be an acceptable substitute. I guess I'd just like it if he'd bring me a book to read to him instead of sticking his hand down my top!

I like the chimpanzee story. I may have to tell it to DS2 as a dire warning.