constant feeding in evening and i'm exhausted please help

[littlestressy]

My DS is 3 weeks old tomorrow, he is my first baby. I have been bf since birth. He was a ventouse delivery which i think affects the way he feeds on the left breast, that is never his favourite and my boob and nipple are really sore there.

He likes to have a couple of feeds in the morning, then a lunchtime one then he will happily sleep three hours in afternoon. I am trying to nap during this time but i find it really hard to drop off and just end up lying there awake :(

But he can be at the boob almost constantly in the evening from about 4 or 5pm onwards until about 10pm. Feeding for between 20mins to 1 hour, little break then back on boob again. Last night i didn't get a chance to eat and went to bed shattered. I have been in tears over this and so has my DH (he has been amazing), the worst bit is when he needs feeding at night and can take anything up to 2 hours to feed, wind, feed again and settle. PLus he is really snotty and snuffly and this means he finds it hard to drop off as he struggles to get breath. I am exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. Really strongly considering giving up bf and switching to formula but is this normal? Has anyone else been through this with a newborn and come out the other side? Please help with some advice. I thought he might just be using me as a dummy so tried a dummy on him last night but he hated it. I can't just leave my baby to cry and get stressed but i'm exhausted.

Health visitor came round today and observed my latch on left boob and said it was good.

cluster feeding in the afternoon/evening is totally normal. i don't know anyone who bfs who hasn't been through this to some extent.
it's rough right now but it will pass... and it'll be easier on you both when his snuffles clear.
you're doing the right thing trying to rest in the afternoons. don't stress about not falling asleep, even just lying and taking it easy will help a lot.
have you tried feeding your baby lying down?

PS this kellymom.com/babyconcerns/fussy-evening.html might help?
i hope my previous message didn't come over too brisk - this sort of feeding pattern may well be normal, but it's still bloody hard going for you.

HV's training in bfing is pretty limited. I would contact one of the bfing helplines tbh. Something is not right if your nipple is sore, It could mean much less effective sucking and therefore needing to do it for longer.

In terms of the evening cluster feeding. I'm afraid it is normal. You'll have to figure out a balance a plate on the arm of the sofa and eat with a fork a dinner (M&S microwavable one if you like for the time being) that your dh has prepared.

The three hours after lunch must be nice and if you could sleep too it would be great, but if you really can't then you might want to interrupt the sleep with another feed, even if it is a sleepy one to require your baby to need more sleep over night and less milk.

And go to bed very early. If you give yourself 12 hours i.e. 8pm until 8am in bed then somewhere, even with those feeds, you'll get a good 7-8 hours sleep if not consecutive.

Finally, don't wind unless you really really have to. Lying the baby across your forearm can do the job if you really need to do it, but many babies really don't.

Personally I find the whole thing much easier if you co-sleep but if you do make sure you have read the safety guidelines.

hth

It will pass. My baby hardly left the breast for the first 6 weeks but then he started feeding more predictably and spaced out. Have you also tried not a dummy but giving him the side of your hand or a finger to suck? It t

A top tip for getting to sleep quickly...? Masturbate. Orgasms are great for sleep. ;)

It will pass. My baby hardly left the breast for the first 6 weeks but then he started feeding more predictably and spaced out. Have you also tried not a dummy but giving him the side of your hand or a finger to suck? It took me weeks to understand what was drinking and what was just nibbling.

A top tip for getting to sleep quickly...? Masturbate. Orgasms are great for sleep. ;)

It is so so normal and will pass. My DS was exactly the same and its so hard. In the end I found that just accepting that was how he was going to be helped a lot. And try to make the most of the excuse to stay glued to the sofa. Get some good books/boxsets/series links and get DH to bring you plenty of drinks and healthy snacks cakes and chocolate.

At 6 weeks we introduced a bedtime routine from about 6pm - bath, feed then bed and the cluster feeding stopped almost straight away.

Dont give up, it really is worth it.

Agree with everything others have said - the evening feeds are cluster feeding and they will start to space out a little fairly soon.

The main thing though is that your baby is approaching 3 weeks of age, this is a typical growth spurt period and it will feel as though baby is permanently attached to your boobs. It only lasts a few days but is very tough going, 3 weeks is a common time for mothers to give up breastfeeding as they often feel that if baby needs to feed that much then they can't be getting that much. This is NOT true, your baby is simply upping his requirements and it's his way of letting your body know. Just feed as much as he wants and your supply will eventually catch up.

Meals - your DH needs to bring food to you in the evening. Going hungry won't do any of you any good. I can sympathise with you being unable to sleep in the afternoon but even just resting is better than nothing, don't try and do housework etc.

These early weeks are so bloody hard (been there 4 times!) but it WILL get easier. Formula most likely isn't the answer, breastfeeding - once established - is the easiest, more convenient option I promise you.

Keep talking on here, I'd never have got beyond the first week of breast-feeding if it weren't for MN :) I'm feeding DC4 who is 19 months as I type!

You have my sympathies.

My DD is now 6 weeks today and oh my lord I so so almost gave up on week 3 as I just felt like she was surgically attached to me and I wasn't being a good mum as unlike formula fed babies, I couldn't really see what she was getting so I wasn't sure if she was getting enough. You really do have to go by how many dirty / wet nappies they produce.

For me it was also the food depravation rather than the sleep depravation that I couldn't handle. DD had an almost bang on timer where she would start to cry for a feed just as food was on the table. We've now devised it so that I try to feed her just before I eat and if that really doesn't work out, then DH tries to distract her for a bit so that I can get my evening meal down.

During the day, when it's lunch time I put her in her bouncer just by my left hand and I bounce her in it as I'm eating with my right hand. It usually keeps her quiet long enough for me to eat.

If it's any consolation, there has been such a change in her in the last three weeks now where she's starting to even now be a tiny bit more predictable. However, she is now going through her six week growth spurt but thanks to here I kind of know what's coming so I've braced myself.

As for the snuffles, have you tried saline drops? They seem to work for us?

I'm only on week six but am feeling a great sense of achievement today as I had her weighed and in three weeks she's put on almost 2 pounds!

Sounds just like my first one! i have a copy of Breast is best by my bed to read when i feel like giving up breastfeeding i also have a basket of snacks and a drink too for the boob a thons my second baby is 11 weeks and is still cluster feeding

As everyone has said, this is normal. Baby knows that it's bedtime and is stocking up. I went through the same thing and could be feeding for up to 3 hours after dd bath!! I, like you, was exhausted!! It is so important for you to eat or your milk supply won't be fatty enough to satisfy your baby and then feeding will be even worse for you!! Get dh to make you something or get him to occupy baby whilst you eat.

Keep at it, it will get easier!!! Good luck!!

Bay It doesn't matter what you eat. You could eat nothing and your baby will still get excellent quality breastmilk. The reason to eat well is for your own health and ability to cope with your baby, not to improve the quality of your milk.

There are three things I'd try.

Firstly, saline drops in his nose before he feeds, to clear out the mucus and make him less snuffly.

Secondly, take him to your bed at about 7 or 8 o'clock, dim the lights, put the telly on or set up the laptop on the bed next to you. Make sure there's a big drink and a packet of yummy biscuits on your bedside table. I find DD will cluster feed for hours if the lights are on, but if it's dark she'll drop off much sooner.

Thirdly, consider taking your DS to see an osteopath (not a cranial sacral therapist unless you have had one recommended, as they are not regulated and don't have to have qualifications like osteopaths do.) My DD is much calmer after I took her to see one, and the treatments they do are very gentle.

Starlight I disagree about the reason for eating...if I don't eat, I don't produce enough milk and dd isn't satisfied. Just going off personal experience!!

Bayliss is right. Keep eating! My partner was very much in charge of feeding me while I fed my hungry boy during this period.

I'm sorry Bayliss, but women breastfeed in famines and the research shows that breastmilk is pretty much uniform across the developing and developmed world.

Personal experience doesn't really come into it, although I don't doubt that an undernourished or hungry mother will find the demands of breastfeeding harder.

There is one very small exception and that is the amount of essential fatty acids. However they don't alter the fat content, just the quality of the fat content. That DOES depend on diet.

Does your nhs run a local breastfeeding group? Mine was invaluable. They have a 24 hour hotline, did 2 home visits and encouraged me no end at the beginning. I felt so supported after having my LO in august that it always surprises me that people like yourself haven't been contacted by a bf specialist? They literally contacted me within 24 hours of coming out of hospital and introduced themselves/arranger home visit etc.

Best advice given to me was to stick it out for 6 weeks as it DOES get easier; I didn't believe them at the time but it was like a switch when LO turned 6 weeks; everything settled down and she fed more regular. Still cluster feeding from 5pm (dinner time!) but i ate little and often instead (sandwiches are quick to make; invest in a slow cooker for stews and soups) and she finally accepted a dummy too which helped (have u tried the cherry ones rather than the flat ones?)

Also, u mention sore nipple(s), has hv checked for Tongue tie? This is when the skin at the bottom their tongue is still attached the bottom of their mouth. Nothing to worry about and can be easily corrected but will affect latch and give u sore nipples. LO's was detected immediately after birth and corrected when she was 6 days old; still meant I had bleeding nips for a week (ouch!)

Stick at if you can, I promise it'll get better. LO is 22 weeks this wkend and I'm still going strong

Let us know how u are getting on xxx

Starlight I thought this website was for mums to give advice and help using their own experiences as examples...may be I was wrong??!!!

Not convinced, personally. Babies also die in famines.

Hi

My LO is 5 months old now. He has been a cluster feeder in the evenings from the start. It is HELLISH at the start. Foodwise, prep something if you can in the afternoon, cook it on a timer and stock your freezer with simple foods. Then what we ended up doing was I'd manage to get dinner ready, then we'd eat in turns. So one of us would have baby then the other, as there would only be short bursts when he wasn't feeding. Usually I'd be feeding whilst my OH had his dinner then I'd pass him to OH to wind whilst I ate.

IT DOES GET EASIER!!! Honest.

I really sympathise. Get some 'stations' of food/drink around for yourself. I'd have a little box of bananas, cereal bars, bottled water and CHOCOLATE by the bed to get me through. I was starving in the night often.

If you can't sleep properly in the day, I found even lying down with the curtains shut or cat napping on the sofa helped.

Good luck!

bayliss You can give advice and your experience of course, but Starlight is right and research has been carried out showing the similarity in composition of breast milk from women with all different diets. (I haven't got the book to hand to give better detail sorry) I guess it's maybe like when you are pregnant and baby will get nutrients even if you are sick as a dog and/or live on cheese and crisps.

Eating more food will just not affect the 'fattiness' or 'quality' of your milk like you suggest, but equally you will be tired enough from lack of sleep without missing meals. Eat when you're hungry, drink when you're thirsty to look after yourself.

I ate a lot of pizza while dropping crumbs on DS during his evening cluster feeds, DH had to do a lot more cooking and serving!

It did calm down, good luck OP and corgratulations on your baby. :)

My dd is 2 weeks and i've doing the same although from 10ish until 2am it's exhausting. Yesterday I had a go at waking her every 2 hours, at her usual sleepiest time I bathed her which kept her awake for longer. So far so good she has gone down tonight without any fuss and is still asleep, so I'm hoping to be able to dream feed her and avoid all the fussing.I know it's earlier time with you but perhaps similar may work.

It is just a phase though so it will pass if you pre make food or get a slow cooker so it can be organised earlier and then prepare to do nothing else, can recommend great expectations to pass the time, Pip is a wonder to behold [perv emoticon] Box sets and lasinoh are the way forward at these times or a dummy.

Bayliss (and I) are making a point about quantity, not quality. So too if breastfeeding mothers become dehydrated- I'm certain they'll produce less milk.

As all have said-completely normal,and won't last forever.It is so easy with every stage in parenting to feel that it will never end, but things do change-don't give up now,just plough through it-as others have said food helps.I had packets of chocolate rice cakes to hand at every feed!! Sleep whenever you can and let all else go to pot. Stay in bed and have a babymoon if you need to. If he is avoiding the other breast as he prefers his head to be on a particular side,then feed using the rugby ball hold (baby at the side of you rather than across your lap)and then he will be lying on his favourite side for both breasts. I also second cranial osteopathy as he was a ventuse baby.If you are near London the Children's Osteopathy Centre is wonderful. And congratulations!

"It is so important for you to eat or your milk supply won't be fatty enough to satisfy your baby and then feeding will be even worse for you"

Is what we were replying to, but I reckon the same applies to quantity.

from www.kellymom.com

Do breastfeeding mothers need extra fluids?

It is not necessary to force fluids; drinking to satisfy thirst is sufficient for most mothers. Pay attention to your body's signals - busy mothers often ignore thirst if there is nothing nearby to drink ? try to keep a drink near where you usually breastfeed baby or at your desk at work. Signs that you are not getting enough fluids include concentrated urine (darker, stronger smelling than usual) and constipation (hard, dry stools).

Unless you are severely dehydrated, drinking extra fluids is not beneficial, may cause discomfort, and does not increase milk supply.

For mothers who are engorged, attempting to reduce breastmilk oversupply, or weaning ? research has shown that decreasing fluids does not reduce engorgement or suppress milk supply.

Breastfeeding mothers are sometimes warned that "Only water counts!" when it comes to fluid intake, but this simply doesn't make sense ? your body can utilize water from many sources, including vegetables, fruit, soup, water, fruit & vegetable juices, milk, tea and other beverages. Some fluids are certainly more nutritious than others, but even soda will provide the fluids you need (although it may also provide sugars, caffeine, etc. that you do not need).

and here's a good one about how diet affects your milk.

www.kellymom.com/nutrition/mom/mom-diet.html

:)