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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

DH and family seem to think Bf past two Yo is sick? i want to continue though....

14 replies

mamaLou13 · 03/01/2012 14:25

My Dh and most people who i discuss this with think that i should have already given up breastfeeding (dd is 16 months) she is showing no signs of weaning herself and i know how much she loves having milk so why should i give up? i was planning to feed her until two but now it doesn't seem far away so ive extended it to three and now dh is horrified. she is in nursery and goes the full day without but it's the first thing she wants when she see's me. and still bf's before bed and through the night abit. I don't think it's sick at all (which i also think is a very strong word to use in this context). Dh says that it will be really weird when she is actually verbally asking for booby etc and running over for milk (which she does now).
I just think its natural and its cute when she does stuff like that.
What do you think?

OP posts:
BITCAT · 03/01/2012 14:45

I can see both sides of this..i breastfed all mine but stopped when the teeth came as i got bitten..but that does not mean i think you should stop. I think its down to personal choice and you have to weigh up the pros and cons of continuing. I understand totally what you are saying and your decision should not be based on other peoples feelings. I can also understand where your dh is coming from..it may be embarrassing for your child once started nursery and other children can be cruel. I think i would talk to your dh and explain how you feel and it is certainly not sick as he and the family claim. You need to estabilish why you want to continue?? and if they are valid..at 2yrs they really dont need it, you cant continue to feed her just because its cute. I would make a list of pros and cons with you dh and then make a decision on a point in time when to stop..it then gives you and dd time to get used to it. Good luck hun..its your choice..you shouldnt feel bullied into it!!

choceyes · 03/01/2012 15:06

My DD is also 16 months and very much like your DD. She also goes all day at nursery without milk (she takes no milk out of cup or bottle) and wants to feed as soon as she sees me.

My DH is very pro-bf, but even he has said that it would be weird to be still feeding her at 3yrs. I have a 3.2yr old DS (who was fed expressed BM till about 11 months, due to him not latching on), and it does indeed seem a bit weird to be feeding a child that age, with him so not looking like a baby anymore! But you don't start BF a 3yr old do you? Your nursling just grows and suddenly they are 2/3yrs!

I dont know what our families reactions will be if I chose to BF till over 2yrs (I plan to till she is atleast 2.5yrs I hope). So far they have been fine about it.

I still BF my DD in public, never had an negative reaction, but I hope by the time she is 2yrs old that I wouldn't have to BF her in public. I'd feel a bit self consious, but most importantly, I want to wear dresses again!

My DH is fine about me feeding her till she self weans, but his concern is that it will restrict us in terms of going out and leaving her overnight until she is weaned off the breast. But as we hardly ever get any babysitting anyway (in-laws and family too far away) it is not much of a concern for me.

Anyway, sorry to go off topic slightly, but OP, there is nothing "weird" in BF past 2 and it is still better for them than cowsmilk and still has lots of immune benefits, so it will be good for your DD.

somewherewest · 04/01/2012 16:08

I will fess up to being one of those people who is a little weirded out by extended breastfeeding. I do however recognise that this is more of a gut reaction than a rational response and is almost certainly culturally conditioned, so I tend to see it as something that just isn't for me personally. Ultimately its up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

MrsBovary · 04/01/2012 16:12

It is natural. I fed dd past two years too.

And others will have more in depth knowledge than I, but I think the latch reflex is still usually present at that age, and the WHO guidelines state at least two years.

flamegirl77 · 04/01/2012 16:24

It's not sick! We are just conditioned to feel that way.

EauRouge · 04/01/2012 16:29

I'm sick too then Grin DD1 is 3.2yo and still going strong. I don't know what my family's feelings were before but now they range from gentle disapproval (grannie) to supportive (mum). I don't think any of them had any experience of breastfed toddlers before DD1; I certainly didn't!

Natural term weaning is not for everyone but if it works for you and your DD then there's no reason for you to stop. There are lots of books on the topic, would your DH be open to reading any information about it? Has he met anyone BF an older child? It's far more common than he probably realises but you don't see it so often, partly because many toddlers only feed a couple of times a day and partly because some mothers are in the closet because of criticism.

Some reading I would recommend- Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, Breastfeeding Older Children (this has a chapter about partners), anything by Kathy Dettwyler. If there is a LLL group near you then you could ask if they do couples meetings or if partners can go along to regular meetings so that your DH can ask any questions he has.

organiccarrotcake · 04/01/2012 18:00

I can totally relate to your family's concerns. I do recall feeling it was a bit weird when I saw friends BFing toddlers. However, what I did do is sit and try to work out why I felt like that. I recognised that it was cultural, that I'd not seen it before, and that I was used to breasts being sexual.

So I understand the feeling but I absolutely don't support anyone who doesn't have the maturity to recognise why they feel like they do. It's up to them whether they can move on from it inside their own head (society and culture is hugely strong) but it's absolutely the right thing for them to recognise the logic of term feeding, and support you in it.

I tend to point out that we wouldn't consider not giving a child cow's milk to drink and most people consider it to be an essential part of a child's diet (even though it's not of course). Therefore, it makes most sense to give milk from our own species.

I then might go on to say that not only does our own milk match a child's needs more than milk from a multi-stomached animal, because our milk is designed for a clever, slow-growing animal, not a stupid, fast-growing one, but that breastmilk also has exceptionally helpful immunity support. Given that a child's immune system isn't mature until around age 6, that immunity helps them through all those childhood illnesses, reduces time away from nursery/school and therefore helps you to stay at work (if appropriate).

I might also mention that it's not necessarily frowned on (other than by dentists..!) to give a child a dummy, or bottle, at 2, and that's an artificial nipple.

Oh a whole load of things really, depending on the person and circumstances.

In the end, the person who I would say matters most to get on board is your DH. What pushes his buttons? Would he read science based information on term feeding for instance? What is important to him that could be used to bring him round? He's the one who is best placed to re-direct the MIL comments, but he needs to be with you on it to do so. It can be very lonely, term breastfeeding, so a supportive partner is a big thing.

Another consideration would be to find your local LLL group to see if they hold toddler meetings. I can tell you from personal experience that nothing makes you feel more normal than when you BF your 16 month old "baby" in a room with mothers feeding 3, 4, 5 year olds and older :) When they're looking at your little one and talking about when theirs were babies. Suddenly your nursling seems reeeeally teeny! And it all makes a lot of sense.

ExpatAgain · 04/01/2012 18:07

fgs, sick? Their attitudes maybe. My MIL was similar - I think it's generational partly. I gave up, reluctantly when mine were 2, wish I'd waited longer as they could have carried on. It was only first thing and last thing anyway, always at home so no cultural baggage there. Such a shame, don't feel pressured, do what feels right for you and dc.

discrete · 04/01/2012 18:15

I bf ds1 until past 2 and a half (stopped as pg and finding it very uncomfortable) and am still bfign 21 mo ds2.

Tbh I haven't discussed it with anyone - from about 18 months I stopped feeding when out and about (because I didn't want to any more) so the only people who know I still bf are the ones I choose to tell...if they want to think it's sick then that's their problem not mine...

Safmellow · 04/01/2012 19:03

It's not weird....it's them thinking its weird that is weird (hope that makes sense). People in the Dark Ages/India/Philippines would laugh themselves stupid at us being prissy about children nursing at their mother's breast. WHO recommend BF until two years and beyond so stick to your guns and well done for BF so long. The more people that do it the more 'normal' it will become. My DD is only 8 months and I am getting comments already!

YankNCock · 04/01/2012 19:10

I'm still feeding DS who is 2.4. Anyone who thinks it is 'sick' can fuck the fuck off.

The only thing I can suggest to keep from popping the fuckers in the nose is staying calm, and when you get questions about when you intend to stop, say 'when DD is ready'. Don't give anyone an age limit. YOU know your DD isn't going to magically change from a toddler of 1 year 364 days to a full-fledged independent child in the space of a day.

My strategy has been not to volunteer information, but if asked I do not lie. Just say, 'yes, I'm still feeding' and change the subject. Eventually people get the idea that their small-minded nosiness isn't going to make a bit of difference to you.

discrete · 04/01/2012 19:18

I agree on not setting a time to stop - I have always answered 'for as long as both of us continue to want it' when asked how long I planned to feed for.

ArthurPewty · 04/01/2012 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tomverlaine · 05/01/2012 17:33

I think its what you feel comfortable with - DS is 20 months and I am starting to feel that the time is right to stop - he can go without- he has either beakers of milk or bottles when I am not there and he really uses it just for comfort/sleep. he would keep on feeding but I sort of want my body back now and I want to get away from him just seeing me as a source of food. DP has been supportive throughout but a few remarks lately have made me realise that he also thinks its time. I don't think its sick but it is a little embarrassing when he yells for booby or tries to get access in public. But I am worried that I will miss it

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