Don't want to give up breast feeding but feel like i have to

[chocohead]

I am in a dilemma, my DD is 20 weeks old. I would like to BF her for first and last feed but the rest formula. I cannot get her to take the bottle have been trying different teats/different people/faster flow nothing seems to work. She has taken 2oz a couple of times but is now back to refusing.

I feel the only way to get her happy with bottle is to give up BF all together so she will keep taking bottle as she will have no alternative. This is the advice i have received from others also. Anyone have any ideas? Also have heard if i just stop my boobs will become engorged and painful, i don't know how to go about this at all

One of my friends LO did not feed for 24 hours b4 they would take the bottle, is this safe?

Sorry i'm going on a bit but really unsure about everything and don't want my DD to be unhappy and i am worried sick about what to do

I was in exactly the same position as you. at 20 wks my ds refused a bottle, having had one every night since he was 2 weeks old. if you dont mind me asking, do you need to stop bf feeding for yourself or are you happy to carry on? And at what point in the weaning stage are you at.
My ds is now 6 months taking a bottle of have expressed breast milk half formula 2 times per day. and I am feeding him my self morning and night. Like you I tired every teat etc.
muddled throught the last 2 months by putting loads of milk in his food and giving him baby yoghurt. (had to cut down the bf to go back to work.) Now he takes a bottle with a mam teat but the milk has to be HOT!
As for the waiting, baby whisperer says your baby will not let herself go hungry, I just couldn't pace the hall whilst my dh tried to get the bub to take a bottle!!!
Have you expressed before?

If you keep offering, your DD will come around. Have you tried sippy cups? Avent make a sippy cup teat that is ok from 4 months.

I'm afraid I am not in favour of anyone starving a baby into submission, and this is only one of the reasons why I think the Baby Whisperer is so rubbish. Mothers who think it is ok to let a baby be so desperate that they will 'give in' are not risking starvation, but dehydration....and that is dangerous. A young baby can dehydrate quite rapidly and as for leaving a baby 24 hours, probably in some distress.....well, words fail me.

There are loads of ways to encourage a bottle, but if the baby is already fighting it, then it makes no sense to persist. Leave it for a couple of weeks and try again. Or offer a cup.

Babies who love the breast have to be coerced gently and kindly to take a bottle. Otherwise it's force feeding in my book, and if you wouldn't like it, why on earth would a baby?
(Not getting at you choco, but at the unthinking advice givers!!)

I think it was you, TikTok, who explained that babies can't be starved into submission, anyway.
They don't take a bottle because they don't understand that a teat being shoved in their mouths will assuage theit hunger.

I think that it would be like you or I being starving hungry and someone insisting that putting a dentsit's drill in our mouths would satisfy our feeling. They just don't realise. Better to introduce them to a bottle when they are not hungry and can 'play' with the teat and feeling of milk in their mouths.

Having said that, DS never did take to a bottle, not ebm, not formula, nothing, and I tried everything. I mixed all his solids with ebm (you can get a lot into sloppy baby rice) and gave him a big fed night and morning. Eventually, he started to drink from an Avent spout, but it was v difficult. (I had gone back to work when he was 4 months).

Absolutely exactly the same experience as you Blu. I used to think it was really obvious when I put a teat into ds's mouth that he simply hadn't the faintest idea why I was doing it, and had no idea of what he was meant to do. The actual sucking technique is quite different, isn't it? Again, he managed with a spout eventually. I really don't think leaving them for 24 hours is safe or fair, sorry.

my dd1 NEVER took a bottle (and I mean NEVER) from me.
but she did drink from a cup and (strangely enough) a straw really early on.
there are loads of cups to try, and also spoon feeding.
I am not too sure from your post why you want to give up breastfeeding. is it because you want to go back to work? is there a deadline.)
(I think starving a baby into submission is insupporatble as well, FWIW. not feeding for 24 hours fgs. that's harsh)

It's true that some babies just don't get the fact that a bottle will give them milk if they suck on it! Others get it straight away, and because the teat is a 'super stimulus' to the suckin reflex, once the baby learns how to 'work' it, sometimes babies will continue to suck on it and give their mothers the idea that they actually 'need' huge volumes....just one reason why it is no indication of how much a baby 'needs' of breastmilk.

I have not started weaning DD yet as she doesn't seem any hungier at the moment. I am due back at work in 2 months and could do with a break every now and then but feel i need to get her comfortable with taking a bottle before i introduce solids.

She has never really settled into any kind of pattern with feeding most of the time it is every 3 hours, though she has started getting unsettled at night (could this be a sign she is ready for weaning?)

I tried expressing but never really got into it as could only get 1oz at a time on a good day. I will try bottle when she is not to hungry and also try sippy cup. Can they take all their milk from a cup before i have started weaning ? or is it best to keep breast feeding then start weaning and re-introduce bottle?

Think i also feel alot of pressure to bottle feed as no-one i know breast feeds and seems really negative about it. Everyone says every 3 hours is to often. (maybe i should stop listening to everyone else

Thanks for all the advice, nice to know i am not alone x

But three hourly is not at all frequent - how often do grown ups have something to eat and drink...and how kindly would they take to being told they couldn't have something after their breakfast until lunch time, no matter if they were hungry or thirsty? This is of course what slimmers have to do (though they are 'allowed' water or calorie-free drinks) but they are meant to be losing weight, and the baby is meant to be gaining it like crazy!!!

20 weeks is too young to wean.

Young babies would find it hard to take all they need of milk in a cup - they only really take big volumes of milk this way when they are older.

Stick to your guns, choco

I know what you mean about the bottle before weaning thing, and its a myth. Don't feel pressured into giving your baby a bottle because you think you have to establish a reg routine before weaning. as you wean your wee bub will find her own routine. The best advice anyone ever gave me was to listen to my instinct. I got my self in a state over weaning, routines for weaning, bub not taking enough milk etc. at the end of the day enjoy time you have with bub. do not get stressed over bottle or the vibes will pass on to your bub. If you need a break, take it cups and spouts do work, the just require time from the feeder. At the end of a day if our bub can go straight from the breast to a cup, its one less thing to wean off. hurrah!

chocohead - thought i should mention that i remember a midwife telling me a baby can die if not fed for 24 hours