tips for day weaning?

[MamaChocoholic]

I think I posted about a month ago saying feeding my 13mo dts was just too intense, and ended hoping it was a short phase due to developmental leap. well they're now almost 15mo, and things are just the same. If I'm home with them one or other will ask for milk every 30 minutes or less. If I feed one, the other notices and wants in too. I am fed up sitting round with both boobs out all day.

If I refuse to feed, try distraction, offer milk in a beaker, food etc, it normally results in tantrums with dt1 banging her head on the floor or wall. This makes visiting friends difficult as I do not want to tandem feed in front of them (it is just not possible to be discreet).

Next week they will be back in nursery 5 days/week (up from 3 days till now), and I am thinking this is my opportunity to part wean, to get them not to expect to be fed during the day. I have been thankful for bf when we have gone through d&v bugs, and emphatically do not want to fully wean yet although I would welcome fewer night feeds (not sure that's possible if I'm day weaning!). Beyond the usual distraction, does anyone have any tips for not feeding a baby who's asking for milk? It seems cruel to refuse when they are used to having it for comfort as well as food, but I am sometimes on the point of screaming with frustration with things as they are, and that's not good either :(

Firstly - how fantastic that you've fed your bubs until now! What a mammoth commitment you must have made to the process!

Secondly, I'm really sorry - you sound so frustrated and tired.

Are you getting enough support, would be my first question? If not, is there something that you can do to increase the amount of support you are getting? Do you think if you were getting more support in practical ways (ie with housework and meals etc) that you would still feel this pressured/frustrated?

I don't have twins, so I don't pretend to know how intense and overwhelming it must be for you, not for a second. I don't think that breastfeeding even the most intense singleton can in any way compare to breastfeeding two, so I'm not pretending to be an expert here. Having said that, it was always my experience with my singletons that the more I resisted feeding them, the more clingy and insistent they became - especially if they were in unfamiliar situations or away from their normal routines.

In the end I followed the 'don't offer/don't refuse' principal, but also put some steps in place to make it a bit harder for each of my bubs to (singly) access the breast during the day when I was feeling overwhelmed - things like wearing clothing whereby the breast was not easily accessed, not sitting down anywhere in their vicinity, when they were a little bit older telling them that I was busy right at the second but they could have a feed in [so many] minutes (and putting that time on the oven timer, and keeping my word), to put me back in control.

You're right, it's not good when you're so frustrated, and it's certainly not good to feel like your body is not your own and you have no right to say no to it being used (even in such a loving, nourishing way)...so something's gotta give. Good luck

Tam, thanks, you are right about being frustrated and tired! it hasn't helped that we've had two d&v bugs in a month, each resulting in a week of exclusive bf, and seeing friends at Christmas and not wanting to tandem in front of them. plus dp keeps asking when I'm going to stop. maybe this has all pushed me to the edge and the babies are picking up on my stress and wanting to feed more like you say. I will try to relax more tomorrow, when it's just me and them in house and see how we go. I will also try to avoid sitting on the floor with them, maybe do some extra park time, colouring at the table instead to see if that gives me a break.

I have hated and loved feeding these babies at different times, and I don't want to stop in a hard phase and have this be my lasting memory. I just need more balance and, like you say, feel like I have a right to determine how my body is used.

Thank you for sharing your experience.