Newborn and constant feeding - does it get better?

[kritur]

My baby will be 3 weeks tomorrow and is breast fed. In the day she is generally good if we're doing something, she'll go 2-3 hours before needing feeding again. She's sometimes fussy, crying and rooting for a feed if we're just sat on the sofa. At night is where we have problems, she gets frustrated with slower milk flow and feeds for ages, will drop to sleep but as soon as I move her she's rooting for a feed again. The breastfeeding counsellor said it's because she's young and only has a small tummy and also newborns don't tend to use the breast for comfort, if she's rooting she's hungry. Last night was really bad but I'd had a cup of coffee in the day so that ould be why. Will it get better as she gets bigger? Should I give her a bottle at night? My friend suggested starting expressing to boost my supply. A friend also suggested controlled crying which I am choosing to ignore given that she's only 3 weeks old!

Any help/ reassurance would be great!

Hi kritur and congratulations on your baby :)

While newborns certainly do "use the breast for comfort" it's possible that your BFC said this because their is such a cultural back-lash against babies being given the breast for comfort as though it's a bad thing, and sometimes people try to not let them suckle if they don't think they're hungry. Actually though it's a sort of sybiotic thing. The baby gets the closeness to you, the comfort of milk, the endorphins released by suckling (very, very strong comfort to a baby). You get the benefit of a baby who has something to comfort her and your breasts are being told to make lots of milk. It's all good and it will not lead to her being over-dependent on you or your breasts, which is what some people do worry about.

Provided that your baby is growing well and you're getting 6-8 wet nappies a day and 3-4 dirty nappies (in 24 hours) then she's getting the milk she needs so expressing to boost supply will take up more of your time for no benefit (unless you want to express for other reasons). Giving formula in a bottle will reduce your supply and potentially open your baby's gut to infection (breastmilk coats the gut lining and protects it from bacteria, viruses and allergens from passing through the baby's intestines which are open, like a tea bag, until 4-6 months). This doesn't mean that you should not do any of these things, just that you need to know the potential risks and benefits.

The behaviour that you describe really is perfectly normal and will absolutely get better - probably faster than you think. If you can get through the first 6-8 weeks most people find that breastfeeding is suddenly a breeze!

Can you look at ways to make the night times easier for you so that you can sleep while she is latched on? Learning to feed lying down would be my top tip and setting your bed up for safe bed sharing can mean you get loads more sleep than trying to settle her into her own bed.

Hope this helps a bit. Oh, and I have to absolutely agree with you on the controlled crying. Human babies are born to scream for their lives if they are separated from their care-giver because otherwise the'd be eaten by tigers. Our babies don't know that there's no tigers in their room and so when they are left to cry they literally are, as far as they understand it, in mortal danger. It's obviously an instinct rather than something they understand, but the terror is real and the cortisol - stress hormone - that floods their brains - is potentially damaging over the long term.

Hope you find things get easier soon. xxx

syMbiotic. Must Proof Read. :)

She has plenty of dirty nappies and has put on weight well, only lost 10g in first week and at 2.5 weeks she was 7.5 oz heavier than birth weight. My breasts don't seem to get 'full' though?

I do need to return to work when she's 12 weeks so need to think about expressing in readiness. Is it realistic to think I'll be able to carry on bf and work?

You are doing wonderful. She's tiny. Don't panic. All is right by what u say from what I've had with my dd, and seen with friends. It does get better. From around week four but its slow. Don't expect overnight miracles but slow changes.... You will look back in wonder I promise.....

Well now I have a breast infection! Thankfully it's a localised infection rather than full blown mastitis but I had an awful time on christmas day night, throwing up, shivering, sweating..... I live on my own so had to ring my mum to come over and help.

She went 4h yesterday when my mum too her out (so I could wash the sick out of my hair...), nighttimes getting better since I put her on bed with me. Just scared I won't be able to get back to work or have her dad stay over ever again because she'll end up dependent on me? I just keep repeating to myself that she's only little and things will get better.

She should be dependent on you coz babies are dependent on their mums :)

But not because she's breastfed - because you're her mum :)

She will grow out of being dependent on you just as she'll grow out of nappies. In fact, when she stops being dependent on you you'll look back and wish she still was, even while you enjoy the next phase of being a parent.

Your breasts being soft and not feeling full is fine provided her nappy output remains good (her poos may start to reduce in a few weeks and she may even go days without one, but remain soft and mustardy) and shows that you're making just the right amount of milk.

12 weeks back to work? That's such a shame :( I went back at 3 weeks with DS1 (self employed) but took him into the office with me. What kind of work will you be doing, and what are your childcare plans? It's probably worth looking at a feeding strategy now so you know where you are heading to.

This high-intensity phase WILL pass, and by around 8 weeks you should be really getting into the swing of things and finding things really easy. You will be able to go to work and of course her Dad can stay over :)

It will all be fine, really.

Breast infection is pretty nasty though :( Any idea what triggered it?

DD is a similar and I feed her a lot in the day - every time she roots (she doesn't root all the time). There is a big growth spurt around now plus another at 6 weeks where they need a bit more feeding to get more milk. I find at night a few days ago DD wanted boob non stop for a few hours.

I also find that she goes longer in the day if distracted but more often if I keep her close (and will then go a bit longer at night, not always).
I also find she gets overtired if awake too much in the day then will be fussy in the first half of the nights as she looks for boob to calm down...!

When you get passed the 6 week growth spurt it does settle down a lot and a pattern will emerge.

My DD is nearly 2 and still BF on demand. She is an extremely headstrong little individual, very independant and the complete definition of non-clinginess. I have always "mothered at the breast" and have certainly not found that I have made a rod for my own back. It's nonsense.

I'm a university lecturer and because both me and her dad have our own houses then I have to pay the mortgage. My mum will have her for 1 or 2 days and otherwise at nursery. I will be getting a decent break in the summer once the undergrads have taken their exams. I'm going to see if the uni nursery has space for her so I can nip out and feed her (although taking her in on the train could be interesting!)

I'm going to ask the bf support group about planning for going back to work when it restarts in the new year.

Sounds good. Would be fab if she could go to the Uni nursery and you could go to feed her. Taking her on the train might be easier if you have a good sling? Something like a Mei Tai is easy enough to use, comfy and suitable from birth to around 2+ years (back carry over 9 months or so).

I've got a baby bjorn carrier at the moment that I find good. No idea why I got the infection, I had a cracked nipple so could be that. Thankfully it's not full blown mastitis. Her dad is banned from staying (except on the sofa) because he's a smoker!

I'm very not keen on Baby Bjorns. Ideally a baby's bottom should be supported right to underneath behind the knees. If you look at photos online of babies carried in slings, wraps, etc, you'll see what I mean. They are designed to have their backs rounded and their knees higher than their hips while being carried (and we are designed to be carried, as are all primates).

If you look at a BB carrier they're known as "crotch danglers". A lot of pressure is put onto the crotch area - especially bad for boys - and even worse when they are turned around so they're facing out their backs are straight, not curved forwards, and their weight is on the front of the crotch with no hip support.

Also, many people who find them great with a little baby find that as baby gets to 4+ months that they're too heavy to carry. This is because the BB are not ergonomic enough for the parent. Wraps, slings and Mei Tais are far more flexible in the fit and often have capped shoulders and wide back straps/fabric to spread the weight. They can also be tied in different ways to relieve different parts of the body, and they're easier to do back carries with which is needed from around 9 months with most babies.

I'm not saying don't use it, but just to be aware of these things and do consider not turning her face out in it. :)

Mine is 2 weeks and a day, and feeds all the time. I've kind of given up putting him down as he hates it, he just gets distressed, roots and immediately wants feeding. However, he sleeps on me, and thanks to organic's advice on another thread I have kicked dh into spare room and done two nights of co sleeping. I was really nervous about doing this due to SIDS anxiety, but it went well and I did sleep,as did he. He just seems to hate being on hisown, given he's so little I'm fighting his corner and not listening to opinions telling me to get him into a routine etc. He'll do it in his downtime, I just have to retain some perspective...
However, I am knackered and hideously emotional still, feeling like only I can provide for him. I want to get to 6 weeks, but it does feel ages away.
Maybe going back to work will make u feel better and therefore your baby.Christmas hasn't helped me in anyway as nothing seems normal... I miss work (a bit), mainly for the routine.

a tiny thing - but have noticed my tiny baby sleeps longer with our bedroom at a slightly warmer temperature than I would have it normally - I think the cold meant he woke more easily if he threw off his covers and then decided he might as well have some more milk if he was up! (too small for grobags still)

He is really tiny so still very small gaps between feeds, I remember finding it really overwhelming with my 1st because it seemed like it was all the time and I never ever got to sleep. But with DS I am better at feeding lying down and I prepped the bed so it's okay to co-sleep a bit as and when (although I prefer not to, just because I like the extra space to sleep in!)... and the most important part: I know it will pass. He will feed less, I will get more sleep eventually. It just takes time.

adewonder don't say that too loudly - I don't want to get a reputation for kicking men out of their family beds .

SIDS risk is reduced with safe co-sleeping interestingly enough. The problem came with statistics which included known risks (smokers bed sharing, people who had drunk too much or were under the influence of drugs, including regular medication, that makes them sleepy, sofa sharing, formula feeding) and overlaying which is different and almost unheard of with breastfeeding mothers.

"Three in a bed" by Deborah Jackson is a must-read for anyone bedsharing.

tewihara lovely :) I completely share the wanting your own space thing. We have a nearly 7 foot wide bed yet DS2 still manages to take up most of it and he's tidgy!

co-sleeping has helped me feel vaguely human I have to say. I'll have a loo at other slings, I need one that's quite robust as I'm a keen walker.