Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

Original poster

Feeling self-conscious about feeding past 6 months. Any suggestions?

18 replies

abigboydidit · 22/12/2011 21:14

Hi all,

DS has just turned 7 months and I'm hoping to continue to BF till he is at least 1 year old. Prior to his arrival, I thought I had no expectations of BFing but I think in the back of my mind I never considered going past 6 months, as none of my friends had. I had already started considering trying for longer when weaning highlighted he had a CMP allergy, so that almost made the decision for me.

The thing is, I have no friends who BF fed past 6 months and at the baby groups I go to I am aware that I am very unusual in still BFing. Noone has been unkind in any way but friends and family have commented how it is a shame that the CMP allergy has meant that I have to keep feeding. I have reassured them all that the allergy isn't the only reason that I'm still BFing and it isn't a shame at all - quite the opposite! But..I was really shocked by myself the other day when a woman I didn't know very well at a baby group made the same comment and I didn't disagree with her. I'm also finding myself getting more reluctant to feed in public which is ridiculous as I know he's only tiny.

So..all this is making me realise that clearly I have issues that I didn't know I have! I love reading posts on MN about people feeding toddlers and now hope that maybe I can keep going till DS self-weans. Can anyone recommend any books or anything I can do to stop me feeling so self-conscious? Am just feeling very alone and different with my friends at the moment!

OP posts:

nethunsreject · 22/12/2011 21:21

Ach, sorry you are feeling a bit alone with bfing, even though you are the one doing the 'normal' thing in giving your child human milk.

I'm bfing a toddler now, despite living in an area where bfing past a few months is unusual.

I've found a lot of support from my local bfing support group. Bfn run ours, but there is NCT and La leche too.

Kellymom is great for evidence based stuff and has some good confidence boosting stuff.

Search abm.me.uk/breastfeeding-support-groups for local groups.
www.kellymom.com/bf/index.html and here's kellymom.

nethunsreject · 22/12/2011 21:22

Ooh, and wrt books, 'the politics of breastfeeding' is fabulous. Also, 'the womanly art of bfing' from La Leche is good too.

feelingratheroverwhelmed · 22/12/2011 21:24

I fed ds1 till he self weaned at 18 months, and was very proud to do it! I also assumed we'd stop at 6 mths but it seemed right to continue. At 7 mths your baby is still small enough to be pretty inconspicuous, but I know comments are very annoying. I was more than happy to challenge people who said stuff to me, but I know not everyone is. I also had a few friends who bf past 6 mths so I didn't feel like the odd one out. Can you go to a La Leche League meeting? You'll get loads of support there to continue.
You're doing a fab job so carry on. You know it's the right thing so that's all that matters

TruthSweet · 22/12/2011 21:30

It's hard feeling like you are the odd one out when you are just doing the natural thing (for you) for your little one.

If you are in W.Sx I can link you to numerous people who bf past 6m even though the town I live in has really rubbish bfing stats (one area has 40% initiation rates!). It's actually surprising how many of us there are out there, not all make it public that they are/have bf a toddler/child as it can sometimes be a bit 'Daily Mail'-esque out there at times.

La Leche League are really good for meeting other mums as are other bfing support groups (we have a lot of mums who come for the social side as well as the support side). Also any bfing support group will have peer supporters who will have bf for a minimum of 6m as an entry requirement to train so even if the mums all have tiny babies, the peer supporters won't!

Original poster

abigboydidit · 22/12/2011 21:46

Thanks all - and for the offer TruthSweet. I live in Scotland..in the sticks. I have a lovely BF peer supporter & they do run a group but it seems to be more for new Mums. No LLL meetings am afraid. My best mate was of the bottle of formula for night feeds so they sleep longer school of thought and I felt it really tested our friendship when I went down the EBF route, as it was as if she felt I was judging her parenting. I'll definitely check out the books though. Thankfully DH is being incredibly sweet about BFing and tells everyone proudly that the reason DS was crawling at 6 months was because of my amazing milk. I didn't have the heart to tell him...

OP posts:

TruthSweet · 22/12/2011 21:53

We've talked before haven't we? I'm absolutely rubbish with names (even in real life).

The sweetest thing DH has ever said about bfing was after I made a comment about one of the DDs not having had any medicine for a bit and he said they just had. I went 'huh?' 'They had had 'bah' (the DDs name for bfing) it's medicine for the soul.' And this is from an atheist!

Original poster

abigboydidit · 22/12/2011 22:21

Oh - maybe Truthsweet. I only joined a month ago when I started weaning DS and his allergy became obvious but afraid am not sure how to check back!

Cute BF comment

OP posts:

TruthSweet · 22/12/2011 22:39

Yes, you were the mum with the baby with hives from milk contact and the HV wanted you to feed him more milk just to show her. How did it go in the end - did you get a referral to a allergist/paed?

Go to I'm On button or Threads I Started or do a Search under your NN to find what you've been on.

Original poster

abigboydidit · 22/12/2011 22:44

Yes...that's him! Took for-bl**dy-ever to get referred and ended in a Mexican stand-off with me and the GP! I'm off to search myself. I like to feel important

OP posts:

TruthSweet · 22/12/2011 22:57

Well I remembered you! I was fuming on your behalf. Glad you got the referral now, hope it wasn't too painful to get it!

soaccidentprone · 22/12/2011 23:20

I b/f eldest ds for 10 months (till he starting biting me - with teeth), and my 2nd ds until he was 2 yrs. The WHO recommends you b/f for 2 yrs.

I loved b/fing - a time to sit and relax and spend time with your little one. DS2 will be 10 in a couple of months and he still gets in bed for a lovey every morning.

Enjoy it while it lasts, 'cos they grow up so quickly.

I went to my local NCT meetings where there were loads of b/fing mums.

I just did what felt right for me and ignore everyone else. Your baby, your body, you do what is best for the 2 of you. Why should you have to justify your decisions to other people?

greeneone12 · 23/12/2011 10:12

I could have written your post. So many of my friends stopped and I felt exactly the same as you. I got a BF-ing cover which made me more confident and actually throughout my whole BF-ing 14 months I have never had any comments etc. She dropped down to 2 feeds a day in the last 2 months so I don't feed out and about anyway.

Well done :)

MigGril · 23/12/2011 12:14

I remeber feeling like you with DD, but it was at 12months not 6, as I'd always assumed that I switch to cows milk at that point. But she was such a milk monster that never would have worked. I fed her untill she was almost 3years and am now feeding 13month old DS who I plan on letting self wean.

I don't think I realised how ingrained the idea of stopping at a specific time was untill I hit that time. Now I look back on it I realise how much our social upbring has an effect on how we view these things. It took me a little while of ajustment and I did stop feeding DD when out and about (much easier to do with a 12month old then a 6month old). But now I feel like that wasn't really my decision.

Go with what you feel is right for you, seek out other who are still feeding. If there is a local breastfeeding group run by pear supporters or try your local NCT groups as BF does seem to be higher amoung these groups.

nnforredundantdh · 25/12/2011 21:00

when DS was 6/7 mo all my friends asked me when I was going to stop bfing ("when he goes to college" I used to answer). Now DS is 20mo, still bf, and they gave up asking :) People end up getting used to it, if you do it with confidence and don't make a big deal. I promise.

Mampig · 25/12/2011 21:29

I'm at the 6 mth mark now and bumped into an old school friend the other day. Usual chit chat then she asked if I had bf my ds. When I replied that I still am, she was so lovely about it. She told me how much she had loved bf, and felt pressured to give up before her return to work. I'm back at work, and continuing to bf, and my colleagues know as I have to express at work, everyone has been great!! There are some small minded people out there, but I think it depends on your own attitude and how you reply to any questions. You can make it sound wonderful, or you can make it sound negative. The response you get will usually correlate with your portrayal of it (apart from the assholes uneducated). If you stay positive and happy about what you are doing, it's harder for anyone to go against that, and ditto for public feeding. Can't say how I'll feel in a couple of months though, as I've always just taken things day by day, and never really thought I'd still be bf, but hey, I'm happy to do it for now, and don't think I'll be giving up anytime soon

Keep the faith, stay positive and you'll be fine!!

DW123 · 27/12/2011 21:37

Hi - I felt a bit awkward at 6 months as so many people stopped. I felt I had to justify continuing bit couldn't find a way that didn't sound as though I was criticising ff. Its easier now as it doesn't come up in conversation and I rarely feed in public (too tricky with twins who are easily distracted). I tend to stupidly sidestep the question by saying something about the faff of bottles rather than answer honestly (I think its better for my babies) which is a shame but is more about me than bfing. What is much more awkward is trying to justify why I feed to sleep and feed my babies when they wake in the night. That really raises eyebrows. Good luck with bfing - think you should find it easier in a few weeks.

Coldcuppacoffee · 27/12/2011 21:42

Also felt the same. Feeding is much less frequent after 6 month and you will quickly find a rhythm that suits you.

I found just knowing there were others out there was reassuring.

Original poster

abigboydidit · 28/12/2011 10:37

Thanks everyone. To be honest, noone has really been critical except from PILs but they're from crazy town. I just feel very conscious and worry what others are thinking. As you say DW123, it's almost as if am justifying continuing and using his allergies as an excuse, which am really annoyed at myself for doing - and making an effort to stop.

On Christmas Day he got a bottle, so I could have a few glasses (ahem!) of wine and I thought it was so cute as he basically downed it, then headed to where I was sitting and pulled himself up, clearly looking for more of the white stuff! DH and I just melted but MIL was muttering about it being unnatural. My SILs father (who is as old school as they come) basically told her it was as natural as life gets and that she should be proud that her DIL is giving her boy such a good start. I nearly snorted wine out of my nose from suppressing my sniggers

OP posts:

Flip