Best formula after breastfeeding?

[ChristmasFuckers]

Hello,
My DD is 9 mo and I have to stop breastfeeding her. (for many reasons)
Which formula is best in your opinion?

Thank you very much for the lovely advice. I feel a lot better now. Shes our PFB and I want to make sure I do whats best for her(like any parent), but sometimes I am just lost. (and I am not a young mum so should know)
Shes a hard work. She sleeps 3 x day for 20min and I have to hold her all that time. We tried PUPD method, but in result shes was sleeping 7-10 min max and waking up looking for me. During the night I have max 90 min straight sleep and we awake again for feeding.
Its not easy when you have people round you telling you its all your fault shes like that. Yeah like this made things easier for me.
moTeaVate shes a lot better with her dad now, but still wouldnt stay with him for long periods. He was heart broken that he couldnt even hold her, but we kind off worked this out.

I just hope she will get used to her childminder. I am trying to sort things out now because I know childminder will phone me to pick her up if shes not eating.

Thanks once again for your help. I will check that book and article as soon as I get a minute.

If its for returning to work you really can't plan what they will behave like at your CM. my DD will be 9mo this week. She's at nursery full time and has already dropped all formula during the day. She used to take 2x30ml only anyway from 7mo. But she eats loads and loads of solids with them. 3 meals and 2 snacks now. The thing is at nursery or CM, they will share a meal with other children. They dont want to miss out. My guess is you will find your LO eat more than one meal a day there.

I still bf on my off days and don't give formula. The stuff is expensive and not as good as my free milk!

I just want to try to reassure you about clinginess, OP. My DS1 was the Velcro baby of all time! He wouldn't be parted from me for a second and I had to carry him everywhere or keep him in a sling. He screamed at his dad when ever I tried to hand him over and was even worse with visitors. No one could hold him except me. I got blamed for this by MIL in particular - apparently it was all my fault!

Then when we tried toddler groups, he would look around for a minute, then disappear up my jumper for a feed. As he got a bit older, he would sit next to my leg to play. In short a nightmare for me.

But, do you know, slowly he began to trust other people. First his dad, then my mum, then a lovely friends of mine, a lady at toddler group, etc, etc. Very slowly he began to make friends.

As he grew up he still needed me a lot, but felt comfortable with others. And now he is 21 and guess what he loves to do the most? You won't manage it! His favourite hobby is travelling by bus and train all around the country. He is so independent you would be amazed!

But he still loves his cuddles with me!

Totally with you on the velcro baby = independent child (etc) provided the need is met. Studies have shown that high need babies whose high needs are met (hard as it is) work through it brilliantly, and become quite different as they get older.

A sling might help (often a necessity for a high-needs baby) and your DH may be able to carry her in it, too.

Check out the high needs baby thread :)

Just another anecdote. Your description sounds just like my DD1. I went back to work at 11 months and she learned very quickly to trust our nanny - though she would howl if she walked across the room to get a drink or anything, even if someone she knew well was holding her.

Fast forward to 2.5, she is one of the most independent and spirited children I know. She'll charge into a room and, if she knows one person in there, that's good enough for her to roam the room with barely a backward glance. She still naps for 1.5-2 hours a day and sleeps through the night with no problems. I didn't do anything to make those changes happen - she did them on her own. I would say it's a good example of a high needs velcro baby becoming an independent child!

thank you all! I am full of hope again. When we together we are having brilliant time reading, playing etc but when I am off to the toilet thats it.
Even m mum said she never seen child like her and its all my fault because I held her all the time when she was little. (She had reflux and was sticking to 20 minutes upwards rule)Which I know isnt true.
I am doing reaserch every night how to make things easier for us, but looks like we just have to wait.
Thanks for your time.

OP I have had 2 Velcro babies, and I really know how hard it is! My MIL was not impressed by it at all. But now they are older and love spending time with other people.

My ds3 is 18 months. We co-sleep as it's the only way to survive and we've got feeds down to 5 a night! And that is progress!

It's difficult as people who had different (easier!) babies, or who forget what it's like think that we make the dc clingy by cosleeping and bf instead of choosing to parent like that as the only way to survive!

I read a book by dr sears I think called fussy babies that helped.

I think you will find that return to work and the cm will be better than you expect. I returned to work when ds2 was 7 m and he was THE clingyist baby. He was fine with cm, had a bit of expressed milk ( I worked 7am to 6-7pm) ate well and I bf at night and on days off/weekends. Now he is still a determined lovely 4 yr old but very attached to daddy after refusing to let him near for the first 2 yrs. if dh is here, only daddy can wipe his bum!

I hope you have a better night tonight OP. You sound like a lovely Mum who is doing everything she can to do the best by your dd. When other people comment that you have made her that way, perhaps what they don't understand is that it is actually she that has made you this way? There is plenty of research evidence that responsive sensitive parenting is what children thrive best with, so well done to you and her dad.

Childminders are quite used to children not eating :) I'm sure it won't be a problem and hopefully with the CM's laid back attitude, not having milk available, and seeing the other children eat she will start to join in more.

My son was exactly the same, only wanted me etc until he was much older. He was somewhere between 18 months and 2 before I could leave him with people. But if you go slowly and help her build up a relationship with the childminder it will help make the transition as smooth as possible for her. Are you doing some settling in sessions, including one where you stay with her? My tips: don't play directly with her on the settling in session but sit back and let her play with the CM and/or other children. If necessary do a few settling in sessions so that you can build up to this point. When it is time to leave her for the first time, explain to her (even if she can't understand) before you get there what will happen, that you will say bye bye and go away but she will have a lovely time playing and you will come back - you can practice this now, leaving and reinforce this key phrase by leaving the room for a few seconds, saying "bye" and then when you come back in announcing "I'm back!" - slowly extend the time so that it goes to you going to the toilet, then making a cup of tea, then perhaps leaving her with your DH or another relative while you drink the tea.

It's really important not to sneak off (she must see you go or it will make her nervous at other times that you might disappear!) so stick to this key word "Bye" and keep it very, very low key. No kisses or cuddles or even reassurance, this seems to make it worse. Just a breezy, happy "Bye bye! See you later!" and go - even if she cries, even if you cry! Try to look happy and unconcerned until you get out of sight.

It sounds odd but I found it really helpful to tell DS "bye, just going to the kitchen" or "Bye, just going to the toilet" and announcing "I'm back!" even if I was leaving the room for just a few seconds. It helped build up this certainty in his mind that I wasn't leaving unless I said "Bye" first and I would always come back.

Children who have their needs met (co-sleeping, feeding on demand, being sensitive to their "clinginess") when they are little grow into more secure and confident children when they are older. People who are disapproving now don't know what they are talking about - how can you judge a child's character for the rest of their life when they are only 7 months old?!

Oh the whole misunderstanding of why a baby is like this is sooo common. I at least had an easier baby first who sleep brilliantly and could be left quite happily on the floor without me. I absolutely didn't understand how people found their babies to be hard and I don't mind confessing to being a bit about whether they'd "done it themselves". My first is now 7 and I've learnt a great deal since then - not least what an absolute idiot I was to even think that. Fortunately I didn't share my opinion and make even more of a lemon of myself - and upset people at the same time.

So that in itself has made me somewhat more tolerant of my MIL who absolutely decided that our second was clingy because of me (obviously my Dh never had anything to do with him, apparently ). Having said that as he's now turned into a lovely, vivacious, outgoing 18 month old and while he still has to sleep with us, during the day he's about as clingy as teflon.