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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Feeling like a failure

15 replies

glitternanny · 21/12/2011 23:26

DS is 4 weeks old, have been bf with maybe 1 formula top up every other day,

He's now 2&1/2 oz above his birth weight, for the first time since he was born.

Been a bit if a crappy day. Zac got weighed and he's gained 3oz, they wanted 10oz!! I feel like a big fat failure and am obviously not meant to do anything with my day but feed him and express.... to get my milk supply up. So been blubbing and sulking.
So need to express after every feed (failed cos we had visitors and I couldn't get anything, last feed to got 20ml) and give more formula (makes me feel like a failure), and not take it to heart (failed)
Just need to accept it I guess - going to clinic next wednesday.
Back on the porridge tomorrow when tesco bring some and find the supplement that sparkly was talking about.

Don't feel good though :(. But she's coming back early feb to do a mummy check cos of my history of depression and risk of pnd.

OP posts:
Original poster
glitternanny · 21/12/2011 23:28

Sorry copied from another forum, sparkly is another member there who recommended something from holland a Barrett, I forget what, to increase milk supply.

OP posts:
threefeethighandrising · 21/12/2011 23:41

Firstly you're not a failure!

I'm not an expert on this stuff but I've always found this site helpful www.kellymom.com

Who told you they need 10oz?

Can you get the visitors to just leave you alone right now? Simply explain you're having trouble establishing breastfeeding and be firm - they need to not come round - or if you want to seed them then say they can come and stay for an hour (or whatever), but then say "it's time for DD's feed, you need to go". Forget being polite! If they're good friends they'll understand. And if they're not then it's really their problem if they don't get it.

I think it's fenugreek you're after? (You shoudl check, I;m not 100% sure).

Also I think mix-feeding can actually make establishing BFing more difficult. Again hopefully someone more knowledgable will be along to clear that up soon!

Sending a big hug your way Smile These first bits are tough for everyone, you're absolutely not a failure! You're a great mum who cares about her lovely new son.

tiktok · 21/12/2011 23:42

glitter so sorry you feel so low :( :(

Real life is available from the helplines - don't worry a bit if you cry down the phone as this happens a lot and we don't mind just waiting until you can speak.

Visitors can be asked to stay away for the moment - it's not a great situation for expressing, I agree.

Feeding often, breast compression, switch nursing, expressing....all important and much more important than porridge or supplements, which are fine but which will not really work on the underlying issues.

Hope tomorrow is better for you.

tiktok · 21/12/2011 23:43

'Tis true that using formula is not supportive and is undermining...but sometimes it is needed when the baby is not getting sufficient breastmilk for whatever reason. It does not need to be permanent.

threefeethighandrising · 21/12/2011 23:50

*see them not seed them! Xmas Blush

Great tiktok is here, she really knows her stuff Smile

SmegmaNotJustForChristmas · 22/12/2011 02:27

Oh please don't feel sad! :(

It's not from lack of trying is it? So you haven't failed. I got my doctor to give me a script of Domperidone... you sometimes have to argue the point a bit but if they won't give it to you ask your midwife to have a word.

as its not a medical necessity and as it's not actually prescribed for milik production in the UK though it is elsewhere they will sometimes get weird about..also most don't know of this use

tiktok · 22/12/2011 09:58

Docs are right to be cautious about domperidone - it has serious side effects in some people and reacts badly with some other meds.....but I agree that it has been shown to be useful in some cases.

glitter - come back and tell us how today is going :)

Mampig · 22/12/2011 09:59

Glitter- the first few weeks are really hard! Most on here have had trouble- otherwise we wouldn't be here! I got fab advice, and at 6 mo, I still get brill advice here. But real life help is what you need, to show you the things TikTok mentions, although googling them and watching videos is a good start. It sounds to me like you are indeed feeling depressed, so it's important to respond to both your needs and ds needs very quickly- one seems to be causing the other ifswim? I think if you get the feeding sorted, you will start to feel better immediately. Bear in mind, it's still very early days, for both bf, and also hormonally, so every hill becomes a mountain. Please try to take things one at a time, put in place a plan of action for whatever you need to get sorted first, and when that's done, you will start to feel more positive. Formula is there for when it's needed, but you can find the path to ebf if that's what you want! Might be worth getting ds checked for tongue tie, if only to rule it out, as this can hinder effective milk transfer. I have to go now, but am thinking of u and hope you start to get things sorted. Smile

CuppaTeaJanice · 22/12/2011 10:29

I think some HVs stick too religiously to the centile charts, which make you feel like a failure and cause unnecessary stress if your baby doesn't comply exactly with the centile curve.

My DS took 4 weeks to regain his birthweight, and has remained on this lower centile ever since (he's now 3.8). DD has taken 7 weeks to regain her birthweight and now seems to have stabilised on the 50th centile (born on 99th). Luckily my HCPs have taken the sensible route of monitoring her weight and general health, rather than panicking and sending her back to hospital as some seem to.

There doesn't seem to be a lot of information about catchdown growth available, where babies are born proportionally larger than they are destined to be as older babies/toddlers/children.

As for the feeding, all you can do is try your best. There is nothing wrong with giving the odd bottle of formula while you try the things Tiktok etc have suggested to build up your supply. I felt the same when I gave DD her first bottle, but now I think of FF as just boosting her volume of milk when she needs it, she's still a BF baby!

CuppaTeaJanice · 22/12/2011 10:37

I've just Googled breast compression that Tiktok mentioned above, and realised I've been doing it naturally without realising what I was doing! Grin It really does work, glitternanny, I always get DD to feed well for a few more minutes when I do it, so well worth trying!

RudolphsKerfuffle · 22/12/2011 14:04

Hi Glitter,

I hope today is going better. I just wanted to tell you a little of my story... My DS took three weeks to regain his birthweight, and then only gained 1 1/2 oz in the week after that. I had a useless HV telling me he needed to gain more weight, but unable to give me any advice on how to do that. I called one of the helplines, who were fantastic and gave me lots of ideas. We actually turned the situation around in just a few days, not saying it will be that fast for you, but it can be. And while I worried at every weigh in for another few weeks, it hasn't been an issue since then.

flamegirl77 · 22/12/2011 22:32

Is baby otherwise well? Also did you get fluids when you were in labour? I believe there is a theory that these can be retained by the baby inflating their birth weight. I'm a bit vague on this though and more than happy to be corrected. My baby was a podger at birth and lost 12% and didn't regain until four weeks, never mind gaining, so you are one up on us! Wink There is lots of good advice above and you are not a failure. It can be HARD.

Original poster
glitternanny · 22/12/2011 23:49

Hi thanks for all your replies I'm still here plodding along.

I expressed a few times yesterday and again once today and got 15ml!!

I can't cope with all the differing advice, one mw says express between feeds, when I'm feeding on demand that's quite hard to gauge, and the Hv says to express after a feed, at which point I'm getting formula ready to top him up.

I've also, god forbid, got a life and in the precious time I'm bit feeding/settling my darling son I'm doing the washing, eating, showering, have places to go....

He is happy

And I am okay I guess I just find it hard when I'm giving it everything and am told that's not enough on top of hormones and oh being back at work and sleep deprived and Christmas - I AM okay.

I'll keep trying, he's 4weeks, I return to work in 8 weeks - if I can keep going a bit longer that'd be great.

Thank you I am reading and appreciating what you're all sharing.

And yes I was given fluid during labour.

Does any baby really put on 1oz a day???

OP posts:
Original poster
glitternanny · 22/12/2011 23:50

Ps what are the helplines you talk of?

OP posts:
tiktok · 23/12/2011 00:33

See page on mumsnet on breastfeeding, glitter - all helplines listed there :)

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