Demoralised, depressed, downright fed up

[Mombojombo]

I'm so veryvery frustrated with breastfeeding!! I'm vehemently pro-BF but am finding it so fricking hard!

Having solved problems with TT, pain, infections blah I thought DS and I were settling into a lovely BF relationship. Nooooo, he's had a personality transplant in the past 2 weeks and now fusses and cries, pulls off constantly. I'm sick of being covered in milk, I ache from changing positions every 5 minutes, losing breastpads, pacifying...

I've kellymom'd to death, nothing's changed, not faster or slower let down from what I can see, DS not ill or noticeably teething. He behaves impeccably at BF support groups and feeds beautifully at night or when sleepy. It may be that he's just getting older (currently 14 weeks) and more distracted...

I really want this to work but it's making me so stressed out. For the most natural thing in the world, BF has so far been a million miles away from instinctive/intuitive. I feel a bit trapped - I know I'm not going to FF him, but can't quite believe BF can be so unenjoyable! I totally understand why people give it up! Help!

That's the problem with a lot of bfing 'support' - selling bfing as this wonderful, serene experience when it quite often isn't!

Have you gone back to basics - skin to skin snuggles, fabric sling, baby massage when distressed, keeping an eye on latch (soft rounded cheeks, fish lips, no nipple shaping post feed, etc)?

Any chance it's reflux or adhesions/released tissue on the TT site?

I swear babies 'behave' at bfing groups just the same as computers suddenly work when the IT guy is standing behind you after them not working and eating your report! I think it might be because we relax around other mothers (especially in a supportive group) baby feels more relaxed too.

Try watching tv or going back to bed to feed. I find the less I'm thinking about it, the easier it is. I cuddle DD with my boob out and she latches when she wants to. With noise in the background it's easier, I find DD fusses if someone speaks otherwise.

Generally I'm on the sofa and very casual about it - lying down, boob out if he wants it. We do a lot of skin to skin and massage, this really has just started in the past fortnight...

I've wondered about reflux, but he just doesn't seem to fit the 'mould' of a reflux baby as he's generally such a happy boy (apart from the occasions he gets distressed with feeding). He doesn't spit up that often, doesn't seem to be in pain etc. The only other thing that seems 'wrong', I posted about previously - his poos smell rather... tangy... rather than the 'sweet' smell of BF poo he used to have. Was reading about oversupply syndrome and now I'm wondering about that!

It's just a minefield of doubt and guilt this mothering lark!

I think around 3 months your supply settles down and the letdown can be slower. Plus they're more distracted at this age and can feed very quickly so get annoyed when you try feeding and they don't want it. All of my friends babies and DS went through this at the same time.

Hey, how are you doing? Its flipping hard some feeds isn't it? Reading up and trying things is great, good luck as something may well answer your questions. The hardest thing that I find though is mentally getting through. I would try to not focus on feeding for today, but on just the next feed. See how you go on that one, then look to the next one. If, when its been really hard, I thought about feeding every few hours and overnight too I honestly cried, but taking it back to simply getting the next feed completed really used to take the pressure off.

Last one, repeating everything exactly the same doesn't help him/her, it helps you. Unfortunately trying to recreate what a good feed looked like at the next feed just doesn't work. You just have to go with every one, and each is subtly different. I'm still trying to hold on to this and sometimes its just easier than others!

Good luck tonight xxx

"He behaves impeccably at BF support groups and feeds beautifully at night or when sleepy. It may be that he's just getting older (currently 14 weeks) and more distracted..."

This made me think of Suzanne Colson's theory about breastfeeding reflexes. BF reflexes are movements like arm circling, leg stepping and head bobbing. They should help the baby to latch on, but with some babies they seem to work against BF - baby looks like he is fighting the boob, coming on and off, kicking and flailing, and generally getting really frustrated.

Interestingly BF reflexes are stronger when the baby is wide awake/aroused - but much weaker when the baby is very sleepy. Think this might be a possibility??

Suzanne Colson's solution for babies like this is:

1. Feed in laid-back position - this means his BF reflexes are working with gravity to help him latch and stay latched
2. Feed baby when very sleepy or actually asleep!