Think it may be time to stop - advice/ handholding needed

[Mamakath]

Hello all. My DS is 24 weeks this week and we have struggled with BFing from the beginning. I won't go into all the gory details but we have dealt with a severe tongue tie (clipped twice), upper lip tie, thrush etc, etc. It was excruciatingly painful for me for about 10 weeks and since then has been uncomfortable, but bearable most of the time, although his latch is still not right and I feel like I'm constantly being grazed as he feeds. (Nipples are still pretty red and raw.) Saw a BFC yesterday and she said she thought his posterior tongue tie had grown back! I don't think it is worth getting it cut again as having it snipped never completely corrected his problems with feeding, plus chances are it would grow back again and in any case he is apparently too old to have it done without GA.

The upshot of this is I think it's maybe time to give myself a break and move to formula. I am GUTTED about this (in fact slightly teary as I type!) but just can't see myself sustaining this any longer - I have worked really hard to get this far and have tried EVERYTHING to make it work for us but the constant discomfort is really wearing me down now. My major problem is how to make the switch without causing DS too much distress - he is very attached to BFing and has become really fussy about taking a bottle (if I leave expressed milk for him when I go out he will try and hold out until I'm back or will only take the bottle if he's really starving). Plus we are just starting to give him some tastes of solids, so I'm wondering if I should try and wait until he's well established on solids before trying to introduce a bottle, so as to avoid too many changes at once? Or should I just get on with it on the grounds that there's never really a good time? Any experiences/ advice welcome...

Dear Mamakath,

You have done really well for BFing him till 24 weeks. I could understand your dilemma of fussy bottle as my DD wasn't that keen on bottle (just have to be perserve! She is 17 months now and I am sure she still want to comfort feed! ).

Anyway, I don't think introducing bottle after weaning/solid will make much difference as he is just a mummy's boy. May be try reducing his BFing time, likes he gets to BF first thing in the morning, then he gets bottle for the rest of the day and another BF before he goes to bed?

I find it helps a lot when someone else is giving the baby the bottle and not yourself. As the baby will think why should i get a bottle from mummy if I have the 'real' thing in front of me!!! They are much cleverer than we think.

You just have to stand your ground! I know it is hard but you have done really well for the last 6 months . If you are still concern about the 'nutrition' value, just continue to express and bottle feed. You could ty slowly migrating to formulae milk by mixing express and formulae milk, so he get use to the taste.

Best of luck and hope both of you are doing well

It sounds like you have been through an awful lot with the TT, ULT, pain and everything else so well done on getting to 24 weeks.

It may not be that the TT has regrown but rather bands of tissue that were behind the TT have spread out now that the TT has been cut so that the TT appears to have regrown or it could be adhesions from the original surgery. Not that that helps really!

Have you heard of exaggerated latch/the Flipple to help get a deeper latch?

The trouble is some TT babies also struggle to feed on a bottle, due to bunching of the tongue.

Have you considered offering expressed milk in a cup? Just so they get the milk if they are not keen on bottle.

Feeding for 24 weeks through problems is ace - just remember that :)

Thanks for the replies. Truthsweet yes, I've tried everything position/ attachment-wise to improve his latch. I guess I'll never really get to the bottom of why he can't latch well - perhaps it's just the way he's built. But I'm fairly sure it's nothing that I can do anything about. It has improved over time (I think mainly because his mouth has got bigger) but I just thought that at some point it would be 100% comfortable, and it's clear that that ain't ever going to happen. Oh well.

Meghan and Evie, thanks for the advice. Ideally I don't want to stop BFing completely, so I think I will try doing formula in a beaker for some daytime feeds and then seeing how it goes. If I can still do morning and evening (assuming my supply will be ok??) and the pain is a bit better as a result of feeding less frequently then I'll be a very happy gal. :)

Sometimes, trying everything means you can let go of responsibility - this is nothing you have done or not done, this might just be how things are for your DS.

The comment about TT babies and bottles wasn't to discourage you from swapping to FF but to explain why he might fuss with them. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

As to the twice a day feeding, 24 weeks might be a bit early to keep supply going longer term (removing milk 3+ times would probably be better) BUT that doesn't mean you can't try feeding twice a day and expressing once or twice or more as well if you want.

At the risk of suggesting anything else to try but have you considered nipple shields? They do come with risks (much like everything in life!) as they can lead to lowered milk supply but it might be worth a punt? Even if you used them for your two feeds a day that might mean you feed longer if they were more comfortable than feeding without.

I really hope you find a way to feed baby that makes everyone happy, be it ebf, mixed with bottles, mixed with beakers, just bottles/beakers, or any combination or in any order All the best.

Gosh you have done brilliantly to get to 24wks. My first never took a bottle but went straight onto sippy cup at 7.5mths when I went back to work.(i was terrified she would starvebut few days before I went to work she just picked up the cup we had been leaving around for a while and started drinking!) Gd luck with what ever decision you make.

Truthsweet Yes I've tried nipple shields which hurt more than without! Not trying to be defeatist but I'm not kidding when I say I've tried everything. I'm not sure whether the TT could be making him fussy with bottles; he had them early on at about 3-6 weeks, as I had to exclusively express for a while, and was fine with them at that point. He just seems to have sort of forgotten what to do with them (he tends to just sit there with the teat in his mouth but doesn't suck); and/or he has developed a preference for boob. Which may be partly my doing - I was so delighted to finally be able to feed him directly that I didn't regularly give him a bottle and he's lost the habit, I think. I do think that maybe going straight to beakers/ sippy cups might be easier all round.

Thinking about it I will probably also have to keep going with at least one night feed (unless DS magically starts sleeping through!) so this will presumably help with supply. As I say though I will just start by dropping one feed and seeing how it goes - hopefully we can find a balance that's sustainable for us both in the long term. I don't want to stop altogether - having worked hard to BF I feel really emotionally invested in it and want to keep doing what's good for DS!

Thanks again for the support.