Crisis of Confidence

[WifiNappies]

My DD is 12 weeks old and ebf. I feel like by now I should be totally on top of it all but I'm not on top of anything!

I should've worked out her hungry cry and I thought I had but now I think well what if that's not it and that's why things have gone pear shaped?

I don't even know if I'm still meant to be feeding her on demand or by the clock! As per previous point i don't know what her demand is.

I sometimes swap her to the other breast but sometimes she falls asleep and I panic about what to do. I often forget which one she started on last time.

Early evenings are a nightmare - she gets hysterical so much so that she won't latch but I know she must be hungry. It's a vicious circle IYKWIM.

She was sleeping 9pm til 5am but the last few nights she's been awake at 1am then 3am to feed.

I'm normally such a rule follower and want to be perfect at everything but I feel I'm just doing so badly at this and it's all going to s**t!

Can anyone help me out with how I can make things better? TIA :)

Oh and to add, she is my first DC.

I'm seeing the HV to get her weighed today but I always say everything is fine and then mention a problem in an offhand kind of way so don't get taken very seriously I think. I'm rubbish at asking for help IRL

I went to a bf support group and the same thing happened there and I'm terrified of being judged at being crap at something I've been doing for 12 whole weeks!

Here is a link which explains all about fussy evenings and here is a list of hunger cues that you can watch out for. The earlier you can get a baby on the breast if they are showing signs of hunger the easy it will be to feed them (generally speaking though!).

You can put an hair band on the wrist you last fed on to see if that helps you remember or a lot of mums do the 'boob squidge' to see which feels fullest!

The 'trouble' with babies is just when you think you have got what they want and when they want it sussed they go and grow and change what they want and when they want it! It really can keep you on your toes - that's why being led by baby when they want to feed and sleep is the easiest way to go. If you try and make them follow a timetable/schedule most babies won't like it as it isn't what they need or when they need it!

Ok take a deep breath.

Feeding on demand is generally considered best as long as you are breast feeding.

You do seem to be struggling with that though. I wouldn't suggest going to a schedule, that is likely to make both you and the baby miserable and can affect your milk supply if she is not feeding as much as she wants to. However, try writing things down if you are unsure of what she wants. When she next feeds jot down how long for and which breast. Carry on doing that and you will be able to build up a picture of when she is hungry and when she isn't and it will help to avoid those times when she is crying, you can't remember what time she last fed so you stick her on and she feeds for a minute then cries even more because you will be able to look at your list and see that she fed just half an hour ago so there is probably something else bothering her. You don't have to keep a list forever but it may help you feel a bit more confident about her cues if you do it for a little while.

Changing breast. There is no rule to say that she will always want the same amount. Sometimes she might want both at one feed, sometimes just one. While it is generally best to start the next feed with the second breast to have been fed from last time/the breast she didn't feed from it really isn't the end of the world if you forget sometimes. You could try slipping a bracelet from one wrist to the other to remind you or if you keep a list as above you can refer to that.

In the evenings keep a close eye on her. Is she starting to not want to feed all evening as she did before but want to go to sleep earlier? Is she showing signs of tiredness such as eye rubbing or yawning? Perhaps try to get a nice, gentle bedtime routine going from around 6pm with a bath and a massage and some gentle snuggle time. Give her the chance to feed if you think she wants it but try to avoid getting worked up over it. Maybe she is just tired not hungry and actually wants to go to bed.

Waking at night is normal I'm afraid. Lots of things affect when babies feed at night and what was normal one week is not the next. She could jus tbe having a growth spurt. Your hormones are at their best for milk productiona t night so when she grows and needs to up your supply she will feed more at night so that you start making more milk. Very clever system for baby, not so much for mum's sleep deprivation.

You are doing a fine job, just have more confidence in yourself.

Just seen your 2nd post - I volunteer at a bfing support group and we get mums much farther down the line than you - heck I ask my fellow peer supporters for help at times and I have bf for years and still come up against things I need support with! No one will judge you for needing help at 12w - that's still tiny baby territory in the grand scheme of things

Quite right - go easy on yourself, Wifi! It sounds like you are trying so hard to respond to your baby's needs and do the right thing - goodness, no mum can do better than that.

I remember when my baby was that age, I was so desperately confused when the lovely simple advice in the books turned out to be absolutely useless. I craved even one simple rule that would work.

In the end I found my rule: 'if in doubt, offer boob'. There is no way you can breastfeed too much, no hidden dangers to worry about at this point. If you're not sure, offer and see what she thinks!

Good luck - you will get there in the end

I have a nearly 9mo DD and used a bracelet to remind myself which boob to start on until about 6 months (when she started grabbing it). You just have to decide whether to use it for the one you used last or the one to use next :) and don't worry if you forget every so often.
I agree with boobmeister on the 'if in doubt offer boob' then if she doesn't fancy it try something else. The only hungry sign I recall is the goldfish mouth. If you're offering often enough she might not be giving you a hungry cry (that's good :) ) It took me months to work out the tired signs and cry.
Also, go back to the breastfeeding group - I started going to one at about 12 weeks but more to meet other mums than to get support really but I've realised over the last few months that by chatting you support each other in all kinds of ways, breastfeeding through growth spurts, sleep issues, weaning... and 6 months on I've made loads of friends, and other mums have joined with younger babies, then you can get to coo over them and try to recall when yours was that small :)